Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

I haven’t posted my children on social media for 3 years as I don’t want their father to know what they look like. I’m furious that you think this is ok. It’s a serious safeguarding issue. How would you feel if you were in my position and discovered someone was filming and inadvertently shot your children in the film? Totally unreasonable.

The school would be eithin their rights to permanently ban the parent from school property too, due to the genuine safeguarding concern around this parent and child safety.

The level of allowing recordings may be linked to the level of risk, you do not know that back ground of the children in the school and even one video of a child on social media might put them at risk, there are some very obsessed people especially when considering Domestic abuse or children in care/adopted.

It’s not the point that you don’t post on social
media. Others will see you flouting the rules and think it’s ok. YABVVVU

The school will be aware of which children can’t have their image shared, @NotTonightDeidre, and will ensure their pictures don’t end up on the class dojo. You are not privy to that information so could end up endangering a child who has already been through too much.

But as long as you get your film, that child’s suffering isn’t important. You are a real saint.

Nah, it's fine, provided you only show them to him and then delete them, maybe take some screenshots or small clips of the bits with just your child to keep.

People are such precious arseholes about pretty much everything these days, ignore them and keep doing your harmless thing.

PS, if anyone screams in faux horror, clutches their pearls and quotes me I'll just laugh 😘

15 years ago, 20, 30 years ago I was still fostering children for whom lives could ruined, or even lost, in these circumstances. However, it was then more obvious when anybody was filming or taking photos and in a way these children were safer and could be quietly withdrawn from the performance or activity at the sight of a lens. There was no covert filming in the way the OP described. Social media was in it's very infancy so photos were not shared or saved in the way they can be now. This meant that the adults trying to find the children had a more difficult job also. However, there was also less checks and schools were more open to others, so for certain children this would have meant living and being educated far away from the risk - maybe in a children's home other than a foster one. YOU might not have realised it was happening then, but sadly it was, just that publically it could not be talked of. All of us working within child protection would lose our jobs for discussing the children's situation - so the truth is none of us know anyone else's story and what is really happening in other's lives. To think we do know is at least naive. At worse dangerous.

If it is ‘precious’ to care about safeguarding children at risk of kidnap or violence, @Orwellwasright2020, I will proudly accept that honour.

It baffles me that people are clearly proud of being so self centred that the would endanger children.

I know I have responded to some of your posts, but I wonder could I seriously ask you what you think should be done for children who are at such risk from harm by others searching them? I am really interested to know your thoughts. You believe much we are writing about is dramatic and am assuming the worst, of others, and okay I will go with that for a moment. So as not to inconvenience the other parents and nor erode their rights, where should these children go? Not be allowed to attend school at all, or is their lives and safety a risk worth taking? I would love to know your thoughts.

Yes. This is NEVER OK.
You have no idea the situation of some children in any school. There are very good reasons why schools have these rules.

Stop being entitled. My kids’ Dad saw them perform once in more than 16 years. He took annual leave in order to do so.

😅😂😆😄

This is why schools say no recording…

You really aren’t making yourself look like a decent person, @Orwellwasright2020.

😂😅😆😁

Keep doing your harmless thing OP.

Glad your husband gets to see his kid and doesn't have to miss out :)

Rules are made for good reason and are there for everyone to follow. Not everyone except you!

Get back under your bridge.

You have videos on your phone of others peoples children despite the rules saying you cannot take videos.

Thank you for your kind words.

I am so sorry you and your daughter have been through such trauma. I hope it helps to know that although our circumstances are different I understand, and feel deeply, every word you have written - and admire you so much.

What is hard to get across to others is that these vulnerable children, who as you say miss out on so much already, their lives and struggles are not known to other parents. Those who announce "not in my school" or worse accuse us of scaremongering and thinking the worst, it could be there in front of their eyes. And the fear for parents, teachers and most of all the children themselves is so very real.

This says exactly what I have been trying, and obviously failing, to explain. Thank you for posting it.

It goes to show how watertight the safeguarding is that no-one knows.

When I cited the instance of a child being whisked off to another country when staff began to wonder if something was amiss, I was making the point that independent schools are not immune from such concerns, rather that funds are available to "buck the system". Indeed, a comfortable income can lead to an attitude that all these tiresome rules are for lesser folk....
As I said, I also taught in state schools, and it may be that I have a slightly jaundiced, over-cautious approach because one school in particular had a women's refuge in its catchment area, but it is sadly true that there can be more bubbling under the surface than most average, well-adjusted families can imagine. Ironically, this can be because staff are making every effort to ensure that vulnerable children to have a happy, unremarkable school life. There are many other incidents I could have told you about.
Would you find just a few children being at risk as an acceptable margin of error?
One suggestion in mitigation; when I helped with a music festival, we would ask for no photography during performance as it is distracting, but promise a "photo call" at the end of each session, so the majority could pose happily while a few were discreetly withdrawn.

You are being selfish and potentially putting children and families in danger by filming. The fact you said you’re not sharing it doesn’t make it any better. it just makes you entitled.
The school will more than likely have several families whose children have either been adopted, fled domestic violence or other terrible reasons that their privacy and safety is of paramount importance. If they were to be located, they would need to be uprooted again. Help schools protect these children and families rather than being a dick.

I understand. It is truly terrifying to be aware of a parent filming. Because the very thing you cannot do is drawn attention to it for the sake of the child, yet allowing them to continue at great risk to the child. You can equally see the fear in the teacher's eyes.

There is nothing to be said to this but my heart breaks at your lack of understanding.