Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

Sorry pressed send too soon. I also meant to say that yes sending your son to a private school would mean you don't have to deal with this issue. Because of the course the children I am talking of would never be financed by the local authority to attend one. They also don't attend clubs, brownies or cubs, birthday parties, school outings and most of the fun things other children may be lucky enough to have in their lives. They also often don't have their families or even the stability of an educational setting.

But I have said too much already and in many ways this whole thread has been pointless because no one has changed their opinion. For those parents who do follow the school's request not to film anything THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! You will never know how much this means to the children whose stories you will never know.

Thank you for your replies on this thread, the way you've come across is really measured.

My daughter was found, we had to flee from our safe home, go to another refuge in another county, new school, court and non-molestation orders, not to mention the stress, anxiety and fear.

It devastates lives, children's lives. And all these people that don't see the issue in taking secret photos of children and "its never going to happen" haven't had the utter fear of being found. Of hiding your child's face because someones taking a photo. Of not letting your child be in a class group photo, of not being included in the photo when a newspaper is doing something at the school. All the kids had their photos for reception in the newspaper but my daughter couldnt. The kids already miss out on so much. And then someone being entitled changes their lives in horrific ways.

Even if you only share the video with your dh, some vulnerable child could be terrified by seeing you get your camera out. Imagine being a young child, so happy doing your school play. You look out into the audience, trying to spot your mum/gran/foster carer and you spot someone filming. You've been at the school 2 months and you've made some friends. It's the 8th school you've been to and now you're going to have to move again.

Yes because there are never safe guarding concerns in private schools. I hope you get your move abroad soon, sounds like the children of the UK will be safer for having less people like you around.

"No it doesn't concern me because im not some namby pamby fanny parent fretting about problems that dont exist. Bet youre one of those over zealous parents that is uptight about everything."

Well my child's parent is a paedophile and a risk to them so unfortunately I don't have the privilege you have not to worry about these things. And it's funny because I'm not uptight about everything, i want my child to have a full and exciting life, i just worry about the things that pose a direct risk to my child and the things that would affect my child's ability to have a full and exciting life or limit their opportunities. Because that's our job as parents.

"It's why I send my son to a private school where I don't have to deal with this. Literally not an issue."

Just so you know, I also do specialist trauma work with children who have experienced/ are experiencing significant risk from their parents or biological family. I work with MANY private school pupils. And in my experience the more privileged the school the poorer the safeguarding and pastoral care and the less likely the school is to engage in supporting the child because the attitude is exactly what you've said - "we don't have THOSE types of issues in our school". Or because the push for academic achievement is so intense that they would actually sacrifice vulnerable children in order to protect their results and reputation. It's absolute nonsense and I suggest you inform yourself as you seem to have eaten that nonsense right up. If you think these are not issues in your child's school I can guarantee you are wrong.

Im not in the UK, happily left 7 years ago so don't have to deal with the woke brigade. 15 years ago nobody thought anything of taking photos of school events, now you can't do anything without being under a cloud of ill intent. Unfortunately it's the state of the country, it's gone to the dogs. Same as education and schools here. Personally prefer to live somewhere where children can still enjoy the innocence of their childhood without everyone assuming the worst. And yes, outside the UK life is very different.

Same. Dont care at all.

I also moved abroad. I feel the same way. It seems so ridiculous and melodramatic.

@cuppatea1982 my kid isn't in school in the UK, actually very different to what you've experienced. I deliberately put them in a private school with a focus on inclusivity and pastoral care- 16 kids in a class with 2 teachers, child psychologist per year group, occupational therapists if needed, dedicated sen department, accommodating environment. Sorry you don't have the same experience in the UK.

Where is this utopia where there are no paedophiles or abusive fathers?

The arrogance, self entitlement and lack of understanding and empathy on this thread from some posters, especially @Dramatic is astonishing.

As far as I know I haven't come across these horrible men, but I know they exist, and rules about photographing or filiming children at school events are there for a reason.

I'm not convinced that all privately educated children come from trouble free backgrounds either.

15 years ago people had manners. They followed requests for no photos, or no social media. People didn't post photos of other children on public forums.

I can understand why you want a quick video and photo. On the other side though, when schools do allow photos and videos all you see is almost every adult holding a camera up, sometimes with bright lights, filming the show the entire time. Sometimes they are seated quite close to the children so it isnt great that way either.

I agree. I'm disgusted by concerns about safeguarding being mocked by references to namby pamby parents and the woke brigade.

How does that work for people who rely on their phones to manage their medical conditions?

As a teacher (and a parent) i understand your frustration. However, you are also a big part of the reason why teachers are so pissed off and leaving the profession in droves.
At my dd's performance we were asked the same thing and a woman next to me muttered "I'll do what I want and a jumped up teacher won't fucking stop me."
You do not know the situation of every child in that play. You do not know who may be in care / adopted and the circumstances around that. The teachers do know everything and are trying to protect vulnerable children.
This total disregard and disrespect for teachers is getting worse by the day in society.

"I can afford to be blind to abuse of children and to minimise concerns about it. It inconveniences my life to acknowledge that there are child abductions. Child abduction is acceptable in the culture I have moved to, therefore isn't a problem. The crazy mother probably deserved it. By calling it wokeness and namby-pambyness I have a way of silencing people who have genuine concerns. My ivory tower is fab because I get to film my kids nativity, plaster it on social media and then never watch it again in peace. I'm happy and ultimately that's all that matters".

@RampantIvy I'm sure they do exist, but they don't exist everywhere. And I don't want to live in a world where we assume they are everywhere so we become melodramatic and hysterical about everything. And I choose to not send my child to a school where we tiptoe around and assume the worst in people. Sounds very miserable to me.

@TheNightingaleStarling 15 years ago schools weren't asking parents to not take photos. My sons school doesn't ask parents not to take photos because they trust parents to use photos for their own personal use and employ common sense.

Think about this.

Did parents use common sense?
Was social media use and cyber stalking as rampant?
Were problems with child abduction taken as seriously as they should be?

15 years ago was 2010. It was a different world.

The world HAS changed.

@RedToothBrush Again more melodrama. I prefer to enjoy my childs performance without assuming that someone in the audience wants to take a photo for some ill intent. In my sons school we are a close knit community and that is fostered by the school. Everyone knows everyone. There's no malice, we dont need to be told that taking photos is for personal use - its implicit. Classes and year groups are small. I'm really sorry you have had such a poor experience in the UK where in your opinion every class has a parent with a sinister motive - if the scale of the problem is that big, best look at what has happened to society in the UK to create so many terrible human beings.
Yes you could say I live in a Utopia in Switzerland, because I don't recognise any of the attitude or experiences you are describing and quite frankly I'm glad of it. I can't imagine waking up every day being so caught up on someone taking a photo of their child in a school play.
I'm not surprised teachers are leaving in their droves in the UK - the state of the education system is very poor - 30 kids in a class, under funding, lack of sen provision, long term times, lack of social care support, poor pay. But it's not like that everywhere. Even in the local state school where I am there are 16 kids in a class 1 teacher, 1 assistant, and salaries are much higher, no school on Wednesday etc.

@RedToothBrush the UK has changed and for the worse.
But the UK is very different from the rest of the world. And not every place is the same - i don't recognise any of what you're describing.

Having taught in the maintained sector and the independent sector, I have to tell you that, sadly, you will sometimes see the same problems, but with money chucked at them; this is not to minimise the problems which economic deprivation can bring.
One small example; one of our pupils was raising concerns with his behaviour; we hadn't got much further than the vibe that something was amiss, but Safeguarding Lead was discreetly on the case. Suddenly, he was gone. Further enquiries found that he was in another country, so there was no chance of passing on concerns. The expenses incurred by moving were clearly not an obstacle

@RedToothBrush I would be interested to see the stats on this rather than making an assumption that it is a massive issue.
I really don't see the issue with parents taking photos for personal use. There is no law against parents taking photos of their child for personal use and yes I do expect parents to use common sense with how they share them.

Again more melodrama. I prefer to enjoy my childs performance without assuming that someone in the audience wants to take a photo for some ill intent.

And there is exactly the problem.

It's all about you and what you prefer.

Real communities aren't full of I people.

Dealing with parents on a regular basis will quickly teach you how many DON'T have common sense!

Again, that's the problem.

Many do. But by god are a lot who don't.