Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

You are, because by you filming other people will see you and think they can too and may not be as careful with whom they share the video.

Other people will be able to see you filming, no matter how discreet you think you're being. If someone else is tempted to film it encourages them to do it and to break the rule as well.

I wish we could go back to a time when some folk weren't compelled to go around trying to film everything.

Tell you what op it's black eye Friday today. I am going for a drink so shall I drink 7 pints of cider, a couple of whiskeys, a flaming samuca and a couple of shots then drive past your kids school.

No of course not. Rules exist for a reason

Maybe some parents don't want other adults filming their children. You will have.other people's children in your film. Maybe they dont consent to you filming their children. Everything has to be through a camera.lens these days

I’ve been at my school for over 20 years, and I’ve really noticed how things have changed. There was a time when we simply asked for no photos or filming and everyone respected that. Then one or two people started doing it anyway. Others saw it happening, assumed it must be fine, and before long it snowballed.

Now it feels like a bit of a free-for-all. Last week we had parents dashing into the pulpit to get a better view and after I’d taken my class to the front, I came back to find my own seat taken by a dad with a camera who had zoomed straight into it. He looked annoyed when I asked to sit back down as I guess it was caught on his film.

None of this happens all at once and no single person sets out to cause a problem. But when one person decides the rules don’t quite apply, it quietly resets what everyone else thinks is acceptable and over time that tarnishes the whole experience.

This

No I wouldn’t. My kids would be at significant risk if videos were shared and while you’re clear you won’t share it, if parents see one person filming they’ll follow suit. There are very real risks for vulnerable kids in school which far outweigh your wish to have a memory on your phone. What do you think parents did before phones? They watched, or they didn’t. It’s supremely selfish to put your desire above the safety of kids in school. It makes life much, much harder for the parents and carers of those children, who are often dealing with complex situations already without you adding to it.

Yeah this is my problem, there's no way of getting any photos/videos whatsoever which is a bit shit really.

My DC’s school is clearly shit, as they don’t care and there’s not even a ‘don’t post on social media’ request.

However, completely forbidding any photos is the other extreme. It’s a special event for many parents - of course you want to have at least one photo of dc in their costume and their panicked little face!

I'm sure all the kids on stage are going to love 100 cameras pointed at them whilst they perform. That's not going to set them up for a whole lot of self esteem issues when they grow up is it.

You'd be filming children without the school or parents' permission.
Why would you do it?

How would you feel if some parents were secretly filming your child?

You obviously have no thought or consideration about the anxiety this may cause to a family at risk. They don’t know that the only one who will see it is your husband.

The rules are there for a reason. Your husband working away does not trump this.

The only way society functions is if we accept that along with rights go responsibilities. In this case, you have a right to see your child’s play but the responsibility to follow the rules attached to attending.

If all the parents at school followed your behaviour because of some or other reason, then the fallout for families at risk could be immense. You say you won’t post online as would all the other rule breaking parents, but can we really accept that risk? No.

OP you were wrong.

Take a photo of them in their outfit before sending the photo into school. You are being so short sighted and selfish by doing this. If a parent of an at risk child sees you recording you are likely to cause them an unimaginable amount of pain and stress.

You can have that memory by properly watching it without your phone.

My older children were some of those who couldn't be shared on SM due to actions of their but as I've said their school allowed filming, it would never have occured to me that I had the right to stop others filming their own child.

As a mother I would judge you. I would assume you treat the teachers rules in the classroom as optional and your children will be assholes.

No. Your whole point is that you’re going to do it/have done it, no matter what the rules are and no matter if the vast majority of posts say that you are being unreasonable.

Why bother asking in the first place? Your entitlement is beyond belief.

They have outfits at school, we don't see them in their outfits until we walk in to the play.

It's their 'panicked little faces' which is one of the reasons I don't want a 5 year old looking out into a room full of phones being pointed at them!

OP I'm sure you can dress up the little one at home and take a lovely, unblurry photo or even video your own take of the nativity and send it to your husband? He's appreciate that much more.
A friend sent us a video of her child in the nursery nativity which also shows other children and she got her back up when I challenged her. Nursery has a no filming rule and she'd clearly taken a rubbish video hidden under her coat. She like you just couldn't understand the many reasons which I won't bother going into as PPs have stated. Made me reflect on our mum friendship anyway

Op are you understanding why people are saying yabu? Are you understanding that whilst you will not share a recording beyond your dh others may not be so careful? Are you understanding that parents may need to pull their children (who need protection) from future performances due to people secretly filming? Are you ok with that?

Yes, YABU.

Unfortunately, parents can't be trusted with images/videos of other people's children. As you've proven here. So they have to ban it because people are so selfish and dim they'll happily film the whole class, pop it on their public social media tagging the school, and violate the privacy and safety of multiple children.

Kids deserve to be able to perform and live without the constant threat of a camera in their face recording them, with that footage being completely at the mercy of the person filming it.

If we had a more thoughtful, respectful society it might be different as you could trust people to only keep the recording for themselves. But we don't. So safety and safeguarding trumps everything.

No, my whole point is that I'm not going to share it, therefore the risk is not there.

I guess they feel its easier. Its all very well saying I'll only show my husband but people forget, they might share it with a grandparent, who may then post it on sm.