Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

You're getting a hard time OP but I agree you are wrong on the basis of dishonesty.

I would add that my DC were at school in the early 2000s and anyone could film. So I do have umpteen films of school plays. Thing is you never look at them again. I don't think DH ever bothered to look and he was never able to get to these events.

Photos were always a better way of doing it and presumably they could react the vulnerable child?

Also people don't often print photos now but if you do it's so worthwhile.

Yeah but its not all about you and your memories ,there are some children whose location need to be protected for good reason ,and you are putting them in jeopardy for selfish reasons.

I think they should all be allowed to film, in my kids old school everyone was allowed to film even though some kids couldn't be put on social media or whatever, they just told parents not to share the videos around.

In my older child's secondary school there's no ban on filming and they don't even bother telling you not to put it on SM.

Your husband could schedule his time off so that he can attend these things. He chooses not to.

No I'm not, that's my whole point.

So everyone kicking off on here doesn’t believe the OP then? Because if she’s telling the truth and is just showing her husband what difference does it make? He could legally be there in person, so would know the location of x, y z child anyway.

No he can't, it's a set rotation. He works offshore

I always followed the rules, so took no pictures, but there’s a lot of nonsense talked about this. My kids’ primary head used to run around saying it was a legal requirement, data protection, blah, blah, blah. It’s not any legal requirement and the ‘children in hiding’ reason just doesn’t apply if you don’t put the photos online.

So YANBU. But I’d still do as the school asks.

I suppose it depends on how consistently the parent applies following of other school rules (specifically the ones applicable to the children). I do think this is what is likely to happen when the school don't make any alternative arrangement to parents taking photos etc.

If my child asked, I would say that it was ok as I wasn't showing the video to anyone but their father. I didn't film ours as ours school make the effort to take photos/film (some years it has been 'you may film but not post on social, which I wouldn't do anyway).
I did get miffed when they asked us not to, I abided by it and then other parents were allowed to film with gay abandon.

And every year, at nativity time he’s rotated offshore?

If your DH was that interested in seeing his DC’s performances, he’d book a days holiday. He obviously isn’t that bothered about it so no, I wouldn’t film it (against the rules) for someone who can’t be arsed to show up. His circumstances aren’t ’special’ he’s just choosing work over your DCs nativity.

I honestly cannot believe people are so selfish and cannot think beyond their own family and their own wants.

Newsflash - not every family is the same and conscientious and not all children are safe.

Children aren't little objects - they have rights too. They've been told that they'll be performing in a safe, private space where they won't be filmed. You've taken that away. How would you feel if someone was filming your children in a private venue? How would you feel if someone was covertly filming you at a private show?

I am really glad that my kids' school doesn't allow filming, even though I don't have any specific safeguarding concerns about my individual children being filmed. I think there is something really dystopian about everyone in the room watching a primary school nativity through the lens of their phone. Imagine what it looks like to the kids.

No. I don't take secret films or photos containing other people's children having been explicitly told not to.

I bet part of the reason for no filming at all is parents not following a 'ok to film but don't put on social media' rule.

The other part will be that performing to a sea of phones isn't nice for the children, or audience members further back in the seats.

Why can’t you just send him a picture of the child dressed in their shepherd/ wise man etc outfit?
Why are rules bendable just for you, so that your other half can get what he wants despite there being very good reasons for him to just lump it?

A really shoddy attitude for a parent to espouse.

I still look at the recordings of my older kids doing their plays from 15 years ago 🤷 so they are precious to me and I will look back on them.

I get it's "wrong" just purely on the basis of them telling us not to do it. But I feel like there should be some sort of compromise, some schools seem to manage it much better (recording but warned not to share it, recording it themselves or taking photos so you can get a copy)

OP do the right thing. Happy Christmas.

As MN loves banning things, perhaps we should just ban nativity plays, and stamp out “why isn’t my child Mary?” syndrome for good.

Lucky! I went to the nativities. I'm glad I did but also sat there looking forward to when they finished!

There is no opportunity to take photos of them in their outfit and the school don't take photos either.

No it isn't. I hope if people like you are caught they're banned from performances completely, or even told to remove their child. It's disgusting behaviour

He has been so far, she's in year 2.

Mumsnet hasent banned anything the school has presumably for very good reasons, which the Op isn't aware of.