Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH Part 2- Christmas Miracle

[OneCheeryGoldMoose]

I posted the other day about my sons GF.

His dad had to go savage unfortunately. We had an episode where she told him he needed to quit his job on the evening of me posting my original post because she didn't like that there were women there.

He came down in tears again and my husband told him he either broke up with her or we would rent him a flat and he would need to move out as he we aren't going to watch him self implode and take no advice from us.

He blocked her on everything last night, was totally honest with us (was panicking as he had moaned to her about us and she has screenshots). We made it clear that if he didn't whinge about us as parents we would be shite parents anyway and dad said even if she sent us a message of him saying he hated us she would get a reply with a thumbs up and laughing emojis. We also managed to get her mums number and sent a polite yet firm whatsapp saying if she continues to harass him in anyway we will be contacting her local police department. We didn't read her reply as we blocked her before she finished typing.

Son is mad at himself, mad at her, had a couple of cries but has said he is mentally exhausted from it. His friend is coming over when he finishes work.

We have also arranged some counselling for the new year for some help with maybe self esteem and how to set boundaries in healthy relationships. He was so scared of her he was shaking after he sent a final message. Dad and I have been together since we were 18 so he is trying to get the same relationship basically which we had a long chat about how rare it is to still be together and he has plenty of time to meet people and decide who he wants to be with long term.

But thanks everyone for your advice it all got taken on board and ended up with the best result xxx

@OneCheeryGoldMoose I read the previous thread and I was also team hide passport.
I have an adult son (teenager still but technically adult) and a few years ago he entered a relationship with a girl from school that quickly became super toxic, quite honestly from both sides. It was super dramatic and both of them threatening to hurt themselves. It was a nightmare and even when one blocked the other they’d see each other in classes. Her parents were of the opinion teens are dramatic but I was desperate to get DS to understand that his relationship was unhealthy and this needed to be a pattern he broke. She was verbally and physically abusive to him, also financially, he would say he wanted to die without her. Equally as abusive but in a different way.
DH and I sent DS to counselling and have discussed (until we’re all bored to death of the topic) what to expect in healthy relationships, what’s green and red flags, how tolerating abuse or threatening behaviours etc are all deeply inappropriate and harmful. It’s been a rough few years and we see a much happier and healthier young man. We worked on his self esteem and confidence which has improved massively. We also discussed the importance of never leading someone on and clear communication etc, I won’t lie it’s been heavy. He has almost needed guiding through everything with a firm hand as opposed to being able to learn from experience. At his age I’d have cracked on but he and his ex really did have this intense relationship very quickly. They went from saying hello in maths to being Romeo and Juliette within days.
I wonder with this generation of kids was being at home and not with peers for massive chunks
of the pandemic lead to disconnect from reality and they are a bit behind with romantic relationships? It all felt very immature even for 15/16 year olds and DH and I have heard similar stories from friends with similarly aged DC.

As I say we’re out the trenches now but the road to get here was tough and I pray that he doesn’t end up in anything like this again but I guess I have to wait and see. I do think with young people parenting is so hard, they have to learn and grow but they also are so vulnerable.

Best of luck to you all x

Was about to say this. Great work, @OneCheeryGoldMoose. I’m so glad you have your Christmas Miracle!

I’m so pleased for him ❤️❤️

She is poisonous!
She is the type of person who encourages people to kill themselves.

Its so scary how these people exist and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Once that spell is broken your son will feel a million times better.
The concern now is that he might worry about her if she’s threatened suicide in the past.
You have a close relationship and so I’d say if he ever has a weak moment to let you or one of his friends know and to never contact her off his phone.

Well done and what a great outcome. I would put the passport safely somewhere slightly inaccessible so if he has a wobble and decides he needs to fly to her there will be a built in delay.

You and your DH sound amazing, op. Your poor boy, I hope he has a nice relaxing Christmas now she's gone.

Good work OP! She won’t harm herself but if she did it would be because of her own mental vulnerabilities which way predate your son’s ’relationship’ with her.

but yes be prepared for some panicked backtracking from him over the next few days, luckily Christmas will have lots of distractions for you all.

So pleased for you and for him. Poor lad, what an awful situation.
I think you’ve handled this so well OP. I hope you have some peaceful, fun times over Christmas.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

That might just have been the catalyst that made him realise that there is no future with this batshit woman. He's well rid 😆

Now you just need to help him to avoid these situations in the future. He probably needs to work on his self esteem.

Well done op and well done to your son.

I would suggest your son shuts down any of his social media profiles temporarily or makes himself unsearchable /uncontactable. As she probably would make new profiles to message him.

What an absolute relief. Well done!

@Soontobe60

Think OP and her husband were just being honest, hun. It’s allowed.

Is this some kind of catfishing situation and the gf is actually an obese, very hairy 50yo man with no job? 🤣 Sorry I didn’t see the original thread - can someone link it?

So glad it's over and she showed her true colours sooner rather than later. Your original thread gave me a nervous twitch as I have a similar sounding son (tall and handsome but no confidence with girls, prolific gamer with a nice group of friends who he doesn't see very frequently socially due to said gaming/introversion) and I could 100% see this kind of thing happening to him.
What a relief for you all!

It really shows how bloody difficult it is trying to do the best for your kids.

18 may be technically an adult, but still immature and inexperienced and yes, even boys can be vulnerable to manipulation at this age.

Hope you all have a relaxing holiday time and wish your boy all the best for 2026.

(We did have a similar experience with DS and all is absolutely fine now!)

She is probably searching for her next victim

I'm so pleased you finally got him to see that it was an unhealthy, toxic relationship, and that he was comfortable enough to have an honest outpouring of emotions with you.
I really hope the counselling is beneficial for your DS.

@Roobarbtwo

why? I think she was just being honest with him. He is an adult afterall

Well if that makes us awful parents then so be it. However my son is now not getting on a plane to a foreign country to meet a woman who's psychologically abusing him- so I'm fine with that.

Oh, what a relief! Well done OP and all your family, what a lucky young man he is, having you all there for him, what a lovely family. I hope he gets some good counselling and you all get to enjoy Christmas together, the poor lad.

Yeah we still have the passport for now. We did tell him we have taken it and his birth certificate until any wobbles are over and he said yes please do, so we all know where we are. x

Thank you, yeah we did have this conversation last night. His dad really just went logical with it and said if you're that panicked we will call her local police with the screenshots of her saying it and get a welfare call out. He then proceeded to tell us she had done it multiple times, so we had a chat about how suicide works- and it's not people who aren't getting their own way telling everyone their plans in an attempt to guilt trip.

That calmed him down slightly. x

I'm so relieved to read your updates @OneCheeryGoldMoose - I read the earlier threads but didn't post, it sounded really, really worrying.

You and your OH have handled it brilliantly. Your DS is really lucky to have such great parents. I hope you can all have a happy and relaxing Christmas together and that the turmoil keeps well away. Best wishes to you. x

I've read your posts on thread 1 and whilst it's great you've disentangled him from this relationship, I think it's highly likely with his current attitude, he'll walk straight back into one.

Lots of young people hope eventually for marriage and a family but he's literally just out of childhood. Most 18 year old girls are going to be very put off by a boy wanting to make her a SAHM and have babies, and many of the girls who go for that at such a young age are going to be a bit psycho. The vast majority of 18 yos don't even know what they want to do with their lives and a boy who has a domestic path all planned out for them isn't appealing.

Right now, he should put aside plans for death-do-us-part and babies and focus on meeting someone who he likes and clicks with and a few years down the line he can start having the discussion about how the person he loves sees their life going.