Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH Part 2- Christmas Miracle

[OneCheeryGoldMoose]

I posted the other day about my sons GF.

His dad had to go savage unfortunately. We had an episode where she told him he needed to quit his job on the evening of me posting my original post because she didn't like that there were women there.

He came down in tears again and my husband told him he either broke up with her or we would rent him a flat and he would need to move out as he we aren't going to watch him self implode and take no advice from us.

He blocked her on everything last night, was totally honest with us (was panicking as he had moaned to her about us and she has screenshots). We made it clear that if he didn't whinge about us as parents we would be shite parents anyway and dad said even if she sent us a message of him saying he hated us she would get a reply with a thumbs up and laughing emojis. We also managed to get her mums number and sent a polite yet firm whatsapp saying if she continues to harass him in anyway we will be contacting her local police department. We didn't read her reply as we blocked her before she finished typing.

Son is mad at himself, mad at her, had a couple of cries but has said he is mentally exhausted from it. His friend is coming over when he finishes work.

We have also arranged some counselling for the new year for some help with maybe self esteem and how to set boundaries in healthy relationships. He was so scared of her he was shaking after he sent a final message. Dad and I have been together since we were 18 so he is trying to get the same relationship basically which we had a long chat about how rare it is to still be together and he has plenty of time to meet people and decide who he wants to be with long term.

But thanks everyone for your advice it all got taken on board and ended up with the best result xxx

Oh bless him, I'm so glad he's taken control for your sakes as well as his. You sound wonderfully supportive x

Sounds so awful OP, but well done to your son for blocking.

I'm so glad you've helped him sort it out. Poor lad it's a minefield isn't it?
She sounded deranged.

Best of luck OP!
You - DS and you of course - need to be vigilant as she'll try other ways of contacting him.
Can you ring the mobile company to see if they can block numbers from the US? ( Not sure if that's possible)

He showed us messages where he was saying he had had enough and she was threatening to kill herself, sending pictures and all sorts so he was having a massive panic attack about if she did anything as well.

We have picked him up a new sim card this morning x and got all his friends to block her social media etc.

This reads like some A-grade parenting here OP. Well done for taking the hard route and really being there for your DS.

Really well done OP, he's lucky to have such fantastic, on the ball parents. Hope you can all have a much more relaxed Christmas now without the worry of that absolute head case!

Brilliant news!

I was on team ‘hide his passport’ because she was clearly abusive. I’m so pleased for him (and you!) that he is out of the relationship!

I have voted YABU for this
He came down in tears again and my husband told him he either broke up with her or we would rent him a flat and he would need to move out as he we aren't going to watch him self implode and take no advice from us
Absolutely awful that you think it’s ok to say this to your own son!

Glad that everything seems to be sorted OP. Your DS is lucky to have parents that care. Hope he finds a lovely partner to make him happy.

@Soontobe60 did you read the previous thread? OP and her DH had tried absolutely everything to support, enlighten, bolster and generally get through to their beloved DS. This was said in a moment of desperation and seems to have been the thing that finally finally pulled DS back from the brink. Out of context of course it sound awful. Having watched a child get sucked into a damaging internet relationship I have every sympathy. @OneCheeryGoldMoose brilliant, I am so very very happy for you. Have a wonderful Christmas ♥️

Be really careful, in an "abuse" situation like this, he will have many wobbles, and think he should go back to her. Watch for it, warn him it'll come, think of him as you would any other DV situation, mind manipulation and all other things at play, build him up, dont focus on attacking her behaviour, you dont want him to swing to feeling like he failed so he needs to start to become the "defender".

Stellar parenting OP. Well done! I was also on team Hide The Passport. You and your DH sound awesome.

Nonsense. Tough love.

Well done op, I hope your DS is ok.

The internet is such a scary place, so easy for them to get sucked in. Bless him, glad he saw the light give him a few weeks and he will be so relieved. Don't blame him for changing his mobile number too. I would also make sure there is no way she can reach him on any SM apps. No doubt she will get bored soon and move onto her next victim.

You sound like wonderful caring (not interfering) parents. Hopefully this experience, along with counselling, will help him build stronger boundaries and be more aware of red flags. Poor love, I hope he meets someone really special who naturally forms a strong relationship with him rather than him trying to force it with the totally wrong person. We live and learn.

Amazing news, well done to Mum and Dad. I was wondering how it turned out. Sounds like the best result possible.
My parents have been together since they were 15 and at that age it did give me an unrealistic relationship model that I thought I should be in, so I kind of know what he means. I was in a few horrible relationships that I thought I needed to make work. If he is up for some cbt or therapy I would definitely see if this can be addressed.

Give over.....
True you would never want to kick out a child in need but sometimes you need to jolt people out of things to help them see how serious a situation is. A healthy loving attachment does not mean facilitating any/all terrible decisions that would have consequences for everyone. I wouldn't facilitate abuse, addiction or violence in either direction in anyone that lives under my roof. I would support attempts to deal with any of those issues but I wouldn't stand by and let it happen.

I'm so glad to read this today.

Just be mindful that he might have a few wobbles and try and contact her again or downplay what has happened. I would keep checking in with him for a while to make sure everything is OK.

bless him i'm glad hes tken this step. It will take a little while for him to get over this but Happy Christmasx

I am so relieved for you all (I was team 'whole family goes to the US and DS finds out she's not all that'). This is definitely the best result and well done to everyone for handling it so well.

You’ve done brilliantly OP, well done. There might be some ups and downs from him but I suspect he must be feeling at least a bit relieved to be out of a very stressful situation. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas!

Well done on standing your ground, and well done DS. It sounded like a psychologically and possibly physically dangerous situation and he is well out of it.