Sons GF- AGHHHHHHH Part 2- Christmas Miracle

[OneCheeryGoldMoose]

I posted the other day about my sons GF.

His dad had to go savage unfortunately. We had an episode where she told him he needed to quit his job on the evening of me posting my original post because she didn't like that there were women there.

He came down in tears again and my husband told him he either broke up with her or we would rent him a flat and he would need to move out as he we aren't going to watch him self implode and take no advice from us.

He blocked her on everything last night, was totally honest with us (was panicking as he had moaned to her about us and she has screenshots). We made it clear that if he didn't whinge about us as parents we would be shite parents anyway and dad said even if she sent us a message of him saying he hated us she would get a reply with a thumbs up and laughing emojis. We also managed to get her mums number and sent a polite yet firm whatsapp saying if she continues to harass him in anyway we will be contacting her local police department. We didn't read her reply as we blocked her before she finished typing.

Son is mad at himself, mad at her, had a couple of cries but has said he is mentally exhausted from it. His friend is coming over when he finishes work.

We have also arranged some counselling for the new year for some help with maybe self esteem and how to set boundaries in healthy relationships. He was so scared of her he was shaking after he sent a final message. Dad and I have been together since we were 18 so he is trying to get the same relationship basically which we had a long chat about how rare it is to still be together and he has plenty of time to meet people and decide who he wants to be with long term.

But thanks everyone for your advice it all got taken on board and ended up with the best result xxx

I was actually thinking that if my parents had said that to me at that age I 100% would have moved out while they paid rent for my own flat 🤣
Glad it worked out op and your son is free of her

Agree - and it’s not controlling is it? DS was offered a choice - listen to the advice/stay here or don’t and we’ll find you a safe, alternative place to live where we don’t have to watch it.

Controlling behaviour would have been - if you don’t dump her, we’ll take your phone, tech, all money and hide your passport…

The fact that he didn't sounds like he was desperate for them to do something or make the decision for him. They did and in his head that was enough to snap him out of it. Hopefully he will be ok once he's free of her.

Well done you, I agree with what you did 100%

My god, you absolutely did the right thing. You had to take drastic action and his dad's ultimatum effectively 'allowed' him to tell himself he had to cut her off. This is tough love.

Ignore the people saying it was horrible it controlling, he absolutely needed something to help him take that crucial step.

Well done to you both!

No way was she a scammer, a scammer wouldn't have behaved in such an obnoxious way, they'd want to keep him on side to get money from him.

She was just plain batshit, controlling and toxic. And very very dangerous.
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I couldn’t agree more. You show just how caring you are and that you are there for him.

I dont blame your DH for getting heavy handed about it all. If more parents actually parented like you guys have then some awful situations could have been avoided. TBH you knew he wanted out from previous conversations so it just gave him the confidence to end things.

The best news! Well done 🙂

Phew......

Behave. He needed the tough love to give him perspective. And they threatened him with renting him a flat not exactly leaving him on the streets

I saw your first post and wondered if he was being trolled and if she even existed.

She was so unhinged she was dangerous.

OP, I’ve been thinking of you since your first thread. I couldn’t offer any advice, but having a DS20 of my own (& similar age DDs too) it made me really think about what I would do in your place. You and your DH sound like absolutely bloody epic parents. He’s incredibly lucky to have you, and your relationship with your DS sounds brilliant. Huge kudos to you for navigating this with immense fortitude and bravery. Sending huge love and hoping you all have a relaxing Christmas. 💜

You have done absolutely the right thing, I can promise you that. He will look back on this in years to come and be so grateful that he had strong, capable and loving parents who were willing to take action and face the situation head on. This is life changing and I wish all parents were like you.

Lots of people end up in controlling relationships at any age. Much older than him. People can seem very nice until they are not. It's not so much about allowing the behaviour in my view - I could look back on relationships I've been in where I was treated very poorly. Sometimes you get ground down by the behaviour and end up stuck to the point you don't know how to get out - particularly if you have someone manipulating you from all angles. It can be very hard to walk even if you are unhappy and you know that the other person's behaviour is problematic. In fact the worse someones behaviour is - the harder it can be to leave

My first relationship at 18 was wonderful in the beginning - then it was horrible - but I couldn't see it like that at that point - all I saw was the nice person I saw in the beginning. Sometimes you don't see someone's behaviour as co ercive until you are out the other side

I hope counselling is what he wants - because it's not for everyone and it can be very tough going as well. If you are a certain personality type - it can be very hard to leave relationships that aren't working for you - I'm definitely that type - but I'm also not someone who abuses other people in relationships

From your posts I think the biggest issue is why your son feels at 18 that he's in a hurry to find the one - particularly over the Internet

Well done OP and DH. Anyone still peddling the ‘he’s an adult, how can you say that to your own son’ bollocks is mad frankly. Sometimes you have to be tough as a parent.

I agree. Who cares if people think you are mean or have treated him like a child. Tough shit. You would have been the ones picking up the pieces. People on the internet would have moved on while you'd have possibly been trying to stage a rescue bid to rescue an 18 year from the US.

Was about to say exactly the same thing. Strict measures to make him stop and think when he’s chasing himself in circles and being unable to function.

Well done OP. We would have hid or taken his passport too in this situation as a last resort. It was an impossible situation in which a naive young man was being thoroughly abused and exploited. Sometimes parents need to take control when their adult children cannot cope and are about to embark on a disastrous decision such as this. This would never have ended well without that support.