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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
CrazyGoatLady · 18/12/2025 05:01

Would you be able to cope with a 4hr car journey with a vomiting bug? If not, then you have your answer.

JMSA · 18/12/2025 05:03

Hmm, tricky one. For me, I think it would depend if she has an en-suite or is using the shared family bathroom. At least with her own loo, she could pretty much self-isolate. But I’d probably gently suggest going home if not, but only if she’s up to it.
Hope you avoid getting ill!

Lovelyview · 18/12/2025 05:03

Of course she shouldn't have to drive 4 hours with a stomach bug. Presumably she just wants to stay in bed so I don't think you need to change your plans. Have you got two toilets? The bathroom might be the only issue if you're having people over.

CrazyGoatLady · 18/12/2025 05:07

If you don't want her in the house due to the risk of spreading illness, you should pay for a hotel for them if she's too sick to travel home.

Mind, I'd not want to come visit you again ever if you treated me like an inconvenience to your Christmas plans because I dared get sick while staying in your home.

snugasabug75 · 18/12/2025 05:10

How would you feel travelling for 4 hours with a stomach bug?

EatingHealthy · 18/12/2025 05:12

Your voting options aren't clear. However you would definitely be rude and unreasonable to suggest she should leave now she's unwell.

wineosaurusrex · 18/12/2025 05:15

The poor girl! Of course she cant do a 4 hour trip with a vomiting bug. Thats so cruel!

BlondeFool · 18/12/2025 05:16

Wow.

Mangoes822 · 18/12/2025 05:17

Get them into nearest travellodge not to spread stomach bug to the rest of the family, theres nothing to be offended at make sure they are comfortable there and if they need anything you drop it by. Im sure your other huests wont be impressed when they arrive to find out there is noro/rotavirus lurking around,worse if someone has small children or elderly relative in their household

Mangoes822 · 18/12/2025 05:18

Or plan b,cancel the get together

Zanatdy · 18/12/2025 05:22

You cannot ask her to undertake a 4hr journey with a stomach bug. What a ridiculous suggestion on your DH’s part.

Blizzardofleaves · 18/12/2025 05:23

Kicking her out (and it will look this way) when she is so unwell is inhumane. If you hope to see your son and his gf, together again, I would be looking after her! How awfully embarrassing for her.

Your Christmas plans are not more important than the well being of a young person in your home, as your guest. Adjust your plans. Offer assistance and reassurance.

Zanatdy · 18/12/2025 05:24

Also are you sure it’s a stomach bug? What did she eat? Anything different to anyone else?

SodiumNitritePlease · 18/12/2025 05:29

Bloody hell, what is wrong with your DH to suggest that she leaves. Poor girl needs to be kept comfortable until she is recovered. Anything else is beyond cruel.

Remaker · 18/12/2025 05:31

The sickness bug is in your house now. Your responsibility is to stop it spreading further, not to kick out the sick person to travel 4 hours! You need to cancel your dinner and for any other social events let people know in advance that you have a sickness bug at home so they can cancel if they prefer.

AutumnLover1989 · 18/12/2025 05:32

She has to be confined to the bedroom with lots of cleaning stuff if it's a shared bathroom. You can't expect her to travel now.

ChateauMargaux · 18/12/2025 05:32

She has been sick in your house, less than 24 hours before the rest of your guests are due, shipping her out will reduce but not eliminate the risk. You need to tell all.of the other guests so they can make their own decisions. You should take care of this woman, as you would your own child. I hope she is feeling better soon and that can go ahead with some of your plans but this is a delicate situation from all angles.

SparklyGlitterballs · 18/12/2025 05:33

I wouldn't ask her to leave if she's that ill. However, if there's a risk it's norovirus rather than food poisoning then I'd warn your expected guests and give them the option of not attending. No-one wants to risk spreading that just before Christmas. If people cancel then please don't make the poor girl feel guilty about being ill.

tulippa · 18/12/2025 05:34

You can't expect her to do a four hour drive in that state. I would isolate her in the bedroom with her own bathroom if this is possible and be on hand with water, dry toast, clean bedding as needed. Then be completely honest about the situation with your other guests so they can make an informed decision about whether to come.
Be prepared for DS, DH and you to come down with it too.
Really unfortunate but these things happen.

Earlybirdvsnightowl · 18/12/2025 05:39

I would not ask anyone to leave and travel 4 hours with a vomiting bug..
I would not be humiliating someone for being sick and something outside their control, (which asking them to leave to me would signal booted out for sickness and being an inconvenience, on a first visit to boyfriends family is humiliating) in this scenario my go to would be reassurance and a jug of water.

And yes notify guests ASAP to make their own decisions, I would be seriously peeved to walk into a home with norovirus with no heads up, as I have vulnerable family members. I've had people cancel visits before due to child having cold, you don't know what would impact someone.

Underthemagnificentbeechtree · 18/12/2025 05:40

I totally agree with everyone else. Treat her as you would treat your son if he’d been the one who got ill.

They can’t leave; it would be awful for her as passenger, but your son may also be getting ill and there’s a risk that they could become stranded if they hadn’t reached home when he does.

You shouldn’t host the other relatives in your home tonight though, that would be madness!

See how things are tomorrow.

MeganM3 · 18/12/2025 05:41

I think the best thing to do would be cancel the get together / hosting. Nobody wants to come round to someone’s home the week before Xmas when there’s a violent sick bug in progress! Your guests won’t want to come round. Best to be honest with them and meet them out somewhere or cancel.

As for the girlfriend, she can’t travel 4 hours this poorly. But she might be more comfortable in a hotel as it’s probably all quite embarrassing in-front of in laws. If it were me I’d be very happy to pay for a few days in a hotel for them until she’s feeling better and can travel. But that probably depends on your finances.

OLDoldCold · 18/12/2025 05:42

Has she contracted putrid fever like poor Marianne? How many pounds does your son receive each year, surely a young man with a fortune is in need of a wife?
Do you have other plans for your son rather than this sickly pauper?
Suggest you put her in the furthest wing and invite lots of fun, distracting gals with better connections.

Bumblebee413 · 18/12/2025 05:44

Your DH is being cruel, poor girl. People are more important than events. I know you have lovely plans and this is disappointing but you need to cancel/ postpone the get together. Don’t ruin anyone else’s Christmas by potentially exposing them to sickness. I’m sorry this isn’t what you were hoping for x

Truetoself · 18/12/2025 05:47

they are adults so why does anyone need to suggest they leave? As in if they feel more comfortable at home, they will leave.

You can leave some bleach in the loo and tell your DS that the toilet etc has to be thoroughly cleaned after and everyone be meticulous with their handwashing.

as stomach bugs are usually transmitted by the faeco oral route, her being in the same room as anyone else is not going to transmit the bug. She just needs to ensure she has been meticulous with the handwashing