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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
Funnywonder · 18/12/2025 07:01

Horrible situation. What would you do about your plans if it was your son who was sick and not his girlfriend? Do that. I can’t imagine it would involve a four hour drive.

OneMoreProfiterole · 18/12/2025 07:01

DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home

Is he mute? Taken a vow of silence? Had his jaw wired shut?

Why is this down to you? If he wants her to go then he needs to be the one to ‘gently suggest’ it.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 18/12/2025 07:04

Honestly if I wad the gf and you suggested id be more conformable at home id be relieved (assuming its a car ride away rather than 3 tubes a train and tram and 2 buses )

I agree with your dh but it should be offered as 'for her comfort" by HIM and you should stay well out of it.
Best way is for dh to talk to ds and he can talk to girlfriend so its an indirect invitation.

Ohpleeeease · 18/12/2025 07:06

If it’s Norovirus it’s really horrible but very short lived, keep any area and items she’s using scrupulously clean and hope for the best. I would change your plans if I were you and contain it to your household. Definitely don’t send her home, she may want to go as soon as she feels a bit better, but look after her while she’s ill.

firstofallimadelight · 18/12/2025 07:07

Cancel the family coming over, either don’t do it or go somewhere else. Tell everyone the situation so they can choose if they want to see you (in case it’s catching) still go ahead with out of house activities and let her rest.

Greyrock2828 · 18/12/2025 07:09

Have you told the family who are visiting that there is someone in your household with a vomiting bug - be sure to do that. I know and family who didn't bother to tell the rest of the family who were visiting at Christmas and subsequently everyone got the stomach bug, 1 was hospitalised as she was pregnant and it was very unpleasant.

I don't think you should kick her our, it's incredibly rude and mean. It's unfortunate she is sick but it happens. I'm sure if she was well enough to travel home she would have done so already. In my experience when you're that poorly you just want to stay put until you feel better.

Getupat8amnow · 18/12/2025 07:09

You should cancel the family meal tonight and inform everyone you plan to meet up with that the sickness bug is in your house.

I would be very cross if I was invited somewhere/met up with someone who is in direct contact with someone who has a sickness bug which is likely Norovirus. You are living in the same house. This is very infectious and I wouldn't want it over Christmas or any other time.

At least give your family the choice if they want to risk catching it.

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/12/2025 07:13

She isn't well enough to travel. How many times you've met her has nothing to do with it.

RiderGirl · 18/12/2025 07:14

If she's got norovirus then you're likely all going to get it.... My DSis came to visit me with her DH and baby DD over Christmas a few years ago, they'd only been here a few hours when baby started vomiting, sis started vomiting, they left and went home in the early hours however we still all caught it, nobody's fault really but I think once it's in the house it's most likely inevitable.

Movingonup313 · 18/12/2025 07:14

Your DH asked you to suggest she takes a 4 hour journey whilst horribly unwell? Would you ask your son to leave if it were him that were unwell? It does not matter how little you have met her. She is your sons gf and she is 4 hours from home and is ill. Poor thing. She will be mortified. I am quite sure the other plans can be adjusted. Cant believe what Im reading. Hope she feels better soon.

Purpleturtle45 · 18/12/2025 07:15

JMSA · 18/12/2025 05:03

Hmm, tricky one. For me, I think it would depend if she has an en-suite or is using the shared family bathroom. At least with her own loo, she could pretty much self-isolate. But I’d probably gently suggest going home if not, but only if she’s up to it.
Hope you avoid getting ill!

Same for me.

JoshLymanSwagger · 18/12/2025 07:16

You're going to have to cancel tonight and pos tomorrow too.

It's not the GFs fault she's ill, and I'm pretty certain a 4hr drive home is NOT going to make her feel better - your DH is an arse for suggesting it.

PodMom · 18/12/2025 07:16

Is anyone else close enough to host the meal at their house and you go there and still do the cooking???

Movingonup313 · 18/12/2025 07:17

OneMoreProfiterole · 18/12/2025 07:01

DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home

Is he mute? Taken a vow of silence? Had his jaw wired shut?

Why is this down to you? If he wants her to go then he needs to be the one to ‘gently suggest’ it.

The things i thought too. Brilliant 🤣

AussieManque · 18/12/2025 07:18

Ventilate your house, especially the rooms where she's been sick, as vomiting leads to aerosolized particles that can be inhaled as they float around. Same goes with poo, hence always close the lid before flushing.

Tell the entire visiting contingent the situation so they are fully informed of the situation BEFORE they travel, both that someone likely has noro in your home right now, and also that therefore you are likely to catch it.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 18/12/2025 07:19

How big is your house and do they have their own bathroom? Ie can they stay away from everyone else and not infect them for Christmas?
if a 3 bed 1 bathroom situation - yes they need to leave I think. It’s not appropriate to infect everyone.

DHissue · 18/12/2025 07:20

You’ll need to cancel the family meal tonight. You’re potentially all contagious and it’s a bad idea to invite others into the norovirus household.

I'm pretty sure that as soon as she’s well enough to travel she will want to go home.

Person93369 · 18/12/2025 07:20

Jeepers! No way. Next time ur husband has a tummy bug lock him in the car for four hours and see how he likes that. Prick.

Pineapplewaves · 18/12/2025 07:21

No you can’t ask her to leave, it’s not her fault she’s sick, she’ll be feeling bad enough already, from the embarrassment of being ill in your house and from being ill itself.

You can warn the other family members and give them the option of not attending - could you eat out at a restaurant instead? could they meet you at the venues instead of meeting at your house? could they stay elsewhere?

pinkcow123 · 18/12/2025 07:22

Would you send your son away if he had a stomach bug?

Owly11 · 18/12/2025 07:22

They should stay of course. No doubt if the situation was reversed and your son was sent home on a four hour journey with a vomiting bug you would be posting on here complaining about how unreasonable the gf's family were. It's one of those things and there's nothing you can do about it. Let your guests know the situation so they can choose whether to come or not and isolate the gf as much as possible with her own bedroom/bathroom etc and ensure everyone is very careful about handwashing and separate towels/utensils etc and ask her to stay in her room until she is better.

Dearg · 18/12/2025 07:30

Actually, do ask her to leave. It will show her the kind of MIL she’d get were the relationship to last.

YABVU

Fends · 18/12/2025 07:30

You need to tell your guests so they can choose to cancel this evening.

OhSoSalty · 18/12/2025 07:33

Remaker · 18/12/2025 05:31

The sickness bug is in your house now. Your responsibility is to stop it spreading further, not to kick out the sick person to travel 4 hours! You need to cancel your dinner and for any other social events let people know in advance that you have a sickness bug at home so they can cancel if they prefer.

First sensible post on the thread

AllKindsOfThingsAreInteresting · 18/12/2025 07:36

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/12/2025 07:13

She isn't well enough to travel. How many times you've met her has nothing to do with it.

Absolutely this. We had a German exchange student for three days get sick on day two. He was 14 which is an age where I might have left my children home alone as I only worked for four hours a day then and right near the house. But as he was not my child, I thought about how he / his mother would feel about him being home sick alone in a strange house and country. I took a day off to be around in case I was needed. Being ill outside your own home is horrible, don't make the experience worse for her.

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