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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 18/12/2025 07:37

Ohpleeeease · 18/12/2025 07:06

If it’s Norovirus it’s really horrible but very short lived, keep any area and items she’s using scrupulously clean and hope for the best. I would change your plans if I were you and contain it to your household. Definitely don’t send her home, she may want to go as soon as she feels a bit better, but look after her while she’s ill.

Edited

Its not always shortlived, i had it once and was sick for an entire week.

ShodAndShadySenators · 18/12/2025 07:38

It wouldn't be nice to tell them to leave, so inhospitable. You need to inform your guests that there is a stomach bug, possibly norovirus, in your house and you will need to rethink the meal. I wouldn't host a dinner party with the potential to be serving up norovirus or similar as well. Can it be rearranged or go ahead in someone else's house?

You might be lucky and not catch it if their bedroom has an en-suite, but it wouldn't be expedient to host so many people in the circumstances. It's rubbish but can't be helped.

EarthAndInstinct · 18/12/2025 07:40

Quite ridiculous to expect her to leave. She needs to stay in bed and recover.

DBD1975 · 18/12/2025 07:41

BlondeFool · 18/12/2025 05:16

Wow.

This totally.
Would I want someone in my house unwell - no and if they were unwell before arriving I would be furious they turned up.
However it is too late to chuck them out in the scenario you describe, the poor girl must be mortified.
Confine her to the bedroom, keep it well ventilated and hopefully you have more than one bathroom/toilet which means she can self isolate.
It is too late now any damage has been done.
I hope you and your husband stay well.

Funnywonder · 18/12/2025 07:47

Anyone who would continue with their plans to have guests in these circumstances is incredibly irresponsible. You don’t ‘give people the choice’. You cancel. Apart from anything, by this evening there’s a distinct possibility that more people in the household will be sick or will at least be unknowingly incubating an illness. Why take that risk for a dinner party?

Flowerlovinglady · 18/12/2025 07:49

I certainly would not expect someone who is ill to make a four hour journey but I would let your other guests know and if they cancel, just accept that as being 'one of those things". You hardly know her but she could end up being your daughter in law and how you start off those relationships is important.

Dontasksillyquestions · 18/12/2025 07:49

Do what you’d do if it was your DS who was sick.

Don’t ask her to leave if you want to have a good relationship with you adult son and the woman who could be his long term girlfriend/ future wife.

Everybodysinthehousetonight · 18/12/2025 07:50

Maybe she is pregnant.,..

tamade · 18/12/2025 07:51

She is your guest, you look after her of course

ResusciAnnie · 18/12/2025 07:51

Wow talk about welcoming 😂 imagine being turfed out to a 4 hours journey when you’re shitting yourself and vomming! What a lovely caring thing to do to someone.

Member984815 · 18/12/2025 07:53

4 hours travel with a stomach bug? That's awful. I'm sure she would be happier to be home but she's not , she's a guest in your house I presume you invited her . Make her comfortable, allow your son to clean up after her and remind everyone about handwashing.

graceinspace999 · 18/12/2025 07:53

It’s Christmas! Some people consider acts of kindness to be in keeping with the season.

Asking a person to leave to go on a four hour trip when they are sick is like something Dickens would write.

How would you and husband like to be treated if you were ill?

Cancel visitors and think about how lovely you will feel if you look after this girl instead of kicking her out…

On the other hand if you are untroubled by a conscience then kick away!

Fozzleyplum · 18/12/2025 07:54

Of course she can't travel. The bug is in your house now and you need to cancel your guests.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 18/12/2025 07:54

If dh thinks she should leave then he should be the one to say so. Pathetic prick.

Agree with others that you should warn your guests that there may be something contagious I the house so they can make their own minds up about attending tonight. And also your other son, they may want to avoid the risk of you passing anything on too.

bleakmidwintering · 18/12/2025 07:54

Wow! Make her feel welcome why don’t you?

Schoolchoicesucks · 18/12/2025 07:56

Agree with others, OP. She's unlikely to be able to manage a 4 hour car journey if she's been throwing up all night. I hope she has a separate bathroom. Keep her self-contained and all the cleaning products. I would reschedule the family visit - or hold it elsewhere. Everyone else in the house needs to step up their handwashing and surface wiping. And cross everything the rest of you don't get it. Poor girl must be mortified.

Londonrach1 · 18/12/2025 07:56

Poor girl. You can't be that cruel to kick her out and expect her to do a 4 hour drive. You need to do plan b and cancel the get together or meet outside the house. Can she self isolate. Up your cleaning and disinfectant light switches etc. hope you manage to avoid catching it and she's better soon x

waterrat · 18/12/2025 07:57

I think you treat her as if she is one of your children who is sick

I don't think you need to tell her she might prefer to go home - as I am very certain she would prefer to be in her own home! And is probably desperately texting her mum and dad to get her!

god poor girl being sick in a strange home.

Ihateslugs · 18/12/2025 07:58

A difficult question, a couple of years ago my brother in law ( from the US) was very poorly while staying with me for Christmas . We thought it was a heavy cold which then passed on to his wife ( my sister), me and my other sister who hosted us on Christmas Day - or so we thought! I could not have asked him to go back home but I suppose he could have booked into a hotel but as he had an en suite and was spending a lot of time in bed it did not cross my mind.

Unfortunately, once they got back home they found out that it was Covid! Even though I had been vaccinated that year due to being over 65, I was so ill, worse than I had been the previous times I had Covid. Luckily we all recovered eventually and we made up for the lost family time the following Christmas.

kiwiane · 18/12/2025 08:00

Be kind!
Cancel the meal or rearrange so that you’re eating out instead and warn attendees what’s going on at home.
Good luck!

ArthriticOldLabrador · 18/12/2025 08:02

Let her decide. If she’s not well enough to go then cancel the family meal to prevent infecting others, then let the poor girl rest up and recover.
Yes it’s a disappointment but these things happen. The fact you only just met her is irrelevant. Would you turf out a close family member?

BringBackCatsEyes · 18/12/2025 08:03

There is no “gentle” way to ask someone with a stomach bug to leave. She must be feeling wretched. Instead maybe acknowledge it must be hard for her being away from her own bed but these things happen and you’re happy to make sure she’s cared for until she’s better.

Applecup · 18/12/2025 08:04

How do you ‘gently’ ask someone to get in a car and drive 4 hours with a stomach bug. I notice he’s suggesting it’s you who ‘gently’ asks her too.

NotARealWookiie · 18/12/2025 08:05

What on earth is wrong with you. Of course she can’t travel 4 hours with a vomiting bug. She’s probably mortified as it is.

However you do need to reconsider hosting tonight. Is there another option? Could you take the food to someone else’s house and share the hosting.

I wouldn’t want to go for dinner in a house where someone was vomiting relentlessly. Also you need to think is it noro or food poisoning? Most people won’t want to risk catching noro unnecessarily and it’s highly contagious.

clinellwipe · 18/12/2025 08:07

You MUST give your guests a heads up, I’d be utterly furious with you if I turned up at your house to hear there was someone upstairs with a stomach bug. If they have any sense they won’t come but at least if you tell them then they can make that decision for themselves.

and yes it is cruel to send her on a 4 hour car journey. Poor girl