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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
Agrumpyknitter · 18/12/2025 08:45

Remaker · 18/12/2025 05:31

The sickness bug is in your house now. Your responsibility is to stop it spreading further, not to kick out the sick person to travel 4 hours! You need to cancel your dinner and for any other social events let people know in advance that you have a sickness bug at home so they can cancel if they prefer.

Exactly this. You need to tell your guests. The gf leaving could still mean the bug is transmittable a week before Christmas to your guests. Tell them the situation and leave it up to them if they want to come. It is disappointing when plans change, but at least inform your guests and it’s then their decision.

myeyeshurttoomuch · 18/12/2025 08:46

Put them in a hotel which is the closest one to your house (you should pay for it if you can). I wouldn’t want either of them floating around the house. Take them daily food drop off. They are old enough to stay in a hotel and they would probably prefer the piece.

Vom bugs are nasty let everyone else know who is coming to your house. Make sure you get kitchen cleaning spray with bleatch and clean all door handles / loose handles etc and change the towels in the bathroom

Poodleville · 18/12/2025 08:47

Erm, your.husband is being unreasonable in suggesting you be the one to suggest it to her! If he thinks it he can say it!

I agree with PPs that you need to let your guests know there is sickness in the house so they can make an informed choice about coming, points about shared bathrooms etc.

Apart from doing the kind thing for someone who is unwell, I would bear in mind that you don't know if your son will be with her for years to come, and if he is, your booting her put when sick would probably define your relationship with her going forward.

But if.your husband had his way, you would carry the blame for that. You'd be the bitch MIL and he the innocent FIL!

Violinist64 · 18/12/2025 08:49

Mangoes822 · 18/12/2025 05:17

Get them into nearest travellodge not to spread stomach bug to the rest of the family, theres nothing to be offended at make sure they are comfortable there and if they need anything you drop it by. Im sure your other huests wont be impressed when they arrive to find out there is noro/rotavirus lurking around,worse if someone has small children or elderly relative in their household

And potentially infect hundreds of people who are staying or working there? This poor girl is being treated as an inconvenience by "D"H and people like you. She can't possibly be expected to endure a four hour drive while feeling so rotten, either. She is probably feeling mortified that she has brought a sickness bug into the house as well as feeling physically unwell. The other point is that she will probably stay in bed until she is better and the usual precautions such as a bowl by the bed and proximity to a bathroom are all that is needed. After all, it is not as if she is a small child, who cannot control her symptoms.

tigger1001 · 18/12/2025 08:49

Remaker · 18/12/2025 05:31

The sickness bug is in your house now. Your responsibility is to stop it spreading further, not to kick out the sick person to travel 4 hours! You need to cancel your dinner and for any other social events let people know in advance that you have a sickness bug at home so they can cancel if they prefer.

Absolutely this!

SL2924 · 18/12/2025 08:50

i managed a 4 hour flight home with a stomach bug. Was awful but doable as had no choice. You need to tell anyone else staying / cancel plans for other visitors. Most people aren’t going to want to stay somewhere and catch a stomach bug.

Itsseweasy · 18/12/2025 08:51

Remaker · 18/12/2025 05:31

The sickness bug is in your house now. Your responsibility is to stop it spreading further, not to kick out the sick person to travel 4 hours! You need to cancel your dinner and for any other social events let people know in advance that you have a sickness bug at home so they can cancel if they prefer.

Absolutely this - you do not want to be the house that spreads a sickness bug to the family right before Christmas.
Like it or not, it’s with you already.

Violinist64 · 18/12/2025 08:52

myeyeshurttoomuch · 18/12/2025 08:46

Put them in a hotel which is the closest one to your house (you should pay for it if you can). I wouldn’t want either of them floating around the house. Take them daily food drop off. They are old enough to stay in a hotel and they would probably prefer the piece.

Vom bugs are nasty let everyone else know who is coming to your house. Make sure you get kitchen cleaning spray with bleatch and clean all door handles / loose handles etc and change the towels in the bathroom

The same reply to you as I gave the previous poster. A hotel is not going to be very happy with someone "floating around" wìth a sickness bug either.

PegDope · 18/12/2025 08:52

Gloriia · 18/12/2025 08:41

It's Christmas, they have other guests coming. The last thing anyone needs is an ill houseguest so the ds and his gf should use their common sense and leave either to a hotel or drive back to her home.

Show quote history

Continue to say it, it doesn’t make it right and I will never agree with it.

Poor girl needs care not turfing out.

Northerlad · 18/12/2025 08:53

This is an awful thing to even contemplate. Poor girl. The lack of humanity is staggering. Let's hope she is not his long term partner as you may well be storing up a world of resentment.

Starlight1984 · 18/12/2025 08:54

Funnywonder · 18/12/2025 07:01

Horrible situation. What would you do about your plans if it was your son who was sick and not his girlfriend? Do that. I can’t imagine it would involve a four hour drive.

This. And I knew as soon as I clicked on the thread that it would either be about a step child or an in-law.

Iliketulips · 18/12/2025 08:54

If I had a stomach bug, I really wouldn't be up to travelling.

Sadly, it's the risk we take socialising this time of year - in that if someone is staying or we mix with is ill, it can be passed on and then that affects other occasions. I think the fair thing to do is to tell your guests she's ill and give them option of whether they come or not. Obviously you can clean the bathroom area and any areas she's been touching today, but could well be that one of you has it in your system later and doesn't yet know!

CatFaceCatFace · 18/12/2025 08:54

I wouldn't have people for dinner when there is a stomach bug floating around the house. Especially the week before Christmas! I feel sorry for her, she's probably embarrassed enough as it is, imagine being kicked out as well

Satsuma55 · 18/12/2025 08:55

She's pregnant.

Dolphinnoises · 18/12/2025 08:58

Have you read Pride and Prejudice? She was doubtless sent to you unwell by her matchmaking mother (did she arrive on horseback in the rain?). You will find her stay trying but your son is in love with her so make the best of it.

CloudSky · 18/12/2025 08:59

I’m sure she feels uncomfortable enough being ill at someone else’s house without then being told to leave!

Also, why can’t your cowardly husband tell her himself? Why do you have to do it for him? How pathetic.

Damnloginpopup · 18/12/2025 08:59

Satsuma55 · 18/12/2025 08:55

She's pregnant.

Exactly what I was about to say.

Violinist64 · 18/12/2025 09:00

Gloriia · 18/12/2025 08:39

She won't be sharing a room with the staff.

Show quote history

But they will receive her at reception and be cleaning her room after she leaves. The germs will still be there. Not to mention other guests who may be in the vicinity as she arrives. I am staying in a Travelodge this weekend. I would not be happy if I caught a sickness bug in this type of situation. The lack of empathy for the poor girl, seeing her as a problem and nuisance plus the sheer lack of common sense and decency by some posters is breathtaking.

Patiencefailing · 18/12/2025 09:01

I think you'll have to either put them up in a hotel or cancel your next visitors. I would want to visit anyone with a sickness bug in the house. Poor girl must be mortified.

hididdlyho · 18/12/2025 09:02

Why is your DH trying to get you to ask her to leave, if he cares so much and thinks it's a good suggestion, why can't he speak to her himself?

Personally I would stock up on medicine for stomach upsets and let her recover at your house. If it is something highly contagious, then you've probably caught it by now. If your son feels fine, it's probably just a food intolerance or anxiety.

Patiencefailing · 18/12/2025 09:02

Yeah on reflection actually the hotel thing probably isn't on either.

Didimum · 18/12/2025 09:03

I’d let her stay. She should stay in her room and unless she has a designated bathroom, then your DS should clean it periodically to keep the bug away from others.

Didimum · 18/12/2025 09:04

Satsuma55 · 18/12/2025 08:55

She's pregnant.

Pregnancy sickness does not come on suddenly leaving you vomiting all through the night. That’s a classic sickness bug.

ClairDeLaLune · 18/12/2025 09:06

Blizzardofleaves · 18/12/2025 05:23

Kicking her out (and it will look this way) when she is so unwell is inhumane. If you hope to see your son and his gf, together again, I would be looking after her! How awfully embarrassing for her.

Your Christmas plans are not more important than the well being of a young person in your home, as your guest. Adjust your plans. Offer assistance and reassurance.

100% this

Tiswa · 18/12/2025 09:07

I mean of course she would be more comfortable at home and right now she is probably thinking the same thing!

but until she can make the journey she can’t leave she can’t make it

I would say to DH she can’t go until she is ready and stop being an arse about it

and then to yiur DS she is welcome to stay but you understand that she may well more comfortable at home so if at any point she feels she wants to before she has to leave you are fine with it

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