To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

[CrimboDilemma1]

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

I don’t think I would cut her off just don’t gift her anything on Christmas or her birthday 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't cut her off. Just have an agreement that you're not swapping presents or cards.

I wouldn’t cut her off, but I also would not buy her any presents

I stopped giving her anything last year when she didn’t buy anything for DD on both occasions. It’s the lack of effort on her part that is hurtful - that she can’t take 5 minutes out to buy a birthday card for her next time she’s in the supermarket 🤷‍♀️

Personally, I wouldn’t cut a family member off because they didn’t gift on Christmas and birthday. I would just say to her I assume we aren’t marking each others birthday or exchanging Xmas gifts anymore? Then not buy anymore presents for them.

Life is two short to fall out over token £10 gifts.

Do you buy her gifts?

It's not your decision what your sister spends her money on.

Cutting your sister off because she won't spend money the way you want her to seems to say more about you than her.

Very grabby behaviour

No it would be completely out of proportion. For example, I went NC with my brother because of his physical and then emotional abuse. He buys nice gifts.

I would stop buying her gifts, but i wouldnt cut contact. Seems a bit extreme.

grabby behaviour? 😂 we are talking about a quid for a birthday card to show a bit of effort and acknowledgement. It actually shows that I care about who makes an effort with my child and who doesn’t - blood or not 🤷‍♀️

Cutting her off is a bit extreme!

Just stop doing cards and presents.

Does she physically say "happy birthday"? If so, maybe she just can't be bothered with the whole cards and presents palaver. I know I'm increasingly tired of it, and would much rather have some time with people instead. Which she seems to give.

Fuck me cut her off for not buying gifts?!!! You can’t be serious surely?! Just stop buying her anything job done.

Why not have a chat with her about how her thoughtlessness towards your child makes you feel? Maybe she doesn't know what to get her? Ask her if it would help to give her suggestions within a pre-determined budget. And, no, I would be hurt but I would not cut off a sibling because of this.

Have you considered that your expectations might be part of the problem here? It would be really lovely if your sister bought your DD a present but it is entitlement to expect it from her.

My brother is like this. But I wouldn’t cut him off. I’m estranged from my father and it’s truly awful. I wouldn’t do that to a family member over gifts. Sit down and hash it out, or accept she’s rubbish and take a step back

But to cut her off over a £1 card? I’m not sure that’s teaching your daughter anything really tbh.

I have already said - even a card would be a nice acknowledgment. It just adds to a list of her selfish behaviour, it’s not the only issue with her, but it’s too long of a post to go into.

You're being ridiculous 🙄. Actually cutting a family member of and going no contact over a present. Do you not understand the seriousness of what you are saying and the impact it would have on your whole family.

No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️

No, that's ridiculous. I have family members who dont do cards or presents, it's fine, there's no obligation.

This cutting off of everyone for anything is going to an absurd level now.

So 'no one likes your sister', you think she spends money on the wrong things and that despite her making the effort to come and see your child on her birthday, that's not good enough.

Cutting off is an overreaction. I mean sure if she only did it to your child.

However she buys no birthday gifts or cards so you just need to accept she doesn’t celebrate birthdays. No different to being friends or family with someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas.

Yes you would be being unreasonable to completely cut her off for not buying cards and presents.

She sounds either like she doesn't place any value on cards and presents, or a bit self focussed or a bit of both. That may change in the future, or it may not. But it's not enough to stop any relationship between your DD and her Aunt, or between the two of you. Unless there's a hell of a lot else going on that you haven't mentioned here.

Because that’s the only time she makes the effort to see her, unless my mum takes her back to her house where my sister lives.

You don’t sound so great yourself

A £1 card that will end up in the recycle bin means nothing. My parents got me card, and they were fairly appalling people