To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

[CrimboDilemma1]

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

At the end of the day some people seem to only care about themself. You should simply take her lead, no cards or presents from your and yours, and don’t make an effort any other time either.

There is no point “cutting her off” - as she probably won’t even notice.

Instead of 'calling her out' and threatening to cut her off over a 15 quid Christmas present, have you tried having a grown up conversation with her about it?

"NIECE really likes her cool Auntie, it'd really mean a lot to her if you got her a little gift, she's into XYZ."

I’m in a similar position so following!

Dramatic to cut her off. Imagine all the drama and agro that would cause all because she didn’t buy your child presents.

She does sound selfish,yes and it’s a shame she doesn’t take more interest in her niece. Have you thought this through practically though. How would you manage not to see her at all when she lives with your parents? I would just back away and lessen your contact without making an announcement. I wouldn’t buy anything for her and if your Mum says anything I would just say that your sister is grown up now and doesn’t even buy your daughter anything so you’re stopping the one sided gifts.

You would honestly "cut off" a sister because of this?

Cutting off is usually reserved for really seriously damaging, toxic or abusive behaviours. People seem to do it at the drop of a hat these days. Is it because of social media?

I understand you’re hurt but also…cutting her off seems VERY dramatic, unless there’s much more to this story?!?!

Well exactly.

She doesn't like her sister and she wants a 'reason' to go NC.

Just go NC if you feel like that. She isn't going to solve the problem by suddenly buying presents for her niece. No one should pretend otherwise and that its remotely to do with the present/card.

I can't be arsed with this drama. If you want to, then be honest and own it rather than all these shitty little excuses which usually also contain a huge amount of hypocrisy anyway.

I'm fairly sure theres not a law that says you have to get on with your family.

Agree. Less dramatic but more to the point.

I wouldn't cut her off but i'd most certainly stop giving her cards and gifts.

Yes it is grabby. You’re not just complaining about a card, it’s about the gift too.

You're being totally unreasonable and I think you're avoiding having to communicate with her about this issue so it's easier to cut her off. Just have a chat with her and ask her if she would prefer to stop exchanging presents. You never know, there might be a reasonable explanation. You won't know that until you communicate with her.

Also, pls think about the impact cutting her off would have on the rest of your family.

Not sure what's going on in her head, but it seems like she doesn't give a fig about anyone.

I've got a sister who's a taker and has been thoughtless the majority of her life. I gave up caring about her behaviour ages ago. There's nothing I can do to change her. Don't let it get to you.

No need to cut off just agree no presents for each other.
So much drama!

Absolutely this

I wouldn't cut anyone off - relative or friend - for any one perceived thing.

I would LOVE to hear the sister's side of this.

I don’t give cards because it’s an absolute waste of money and a tree for a bit of paper that will only be on display for a week.

I get that it upsets you... what I don't get is that you are concerned your DD is disappointed her aunt doesn't buy presents for her but you have no concern about how your DD will be impacted if you cut her aunt out of her life.

I don't think YABU to be annoyed about this but YANBU to consider such a serious and drastic thing as cutting off a family member.

Meh.

it doesn’t massively sound as if you have any type of relationship with her (or her with your daughter) anyway, so it probably wouldn’t change much.

for what it’s worth, I cannot imagine not acknowledging my nieces/nephews birthdays without a card and gift.

The back story is clouding this. You want her to care more about your daughter and your frustrated that your mum is a wet wipe.

You cannot change any of that. Make your peace with it. Say- I don't know if you were thinking about presents for niece this year, but shall we just leave it. No pressure. Then if she does give you some things then it is a bonus.

Lower your expectations, accept the way she is. Do not cut contact but have a boundary.

Cutting her off is very extreme. I would simply not acknowledge her birthdays or buy her a Christmas gift !

Just ring your sister up and say “DD would like this particular present for £10” or ask her if she would prefer you to get something from her, and her to send you the cash. Seems ridiculous to cut hex off. Just communicate very clearly what you want her to do. Some people are selfish and self-absorbed when young and don’t automatically get social conventions — you need to tell her.

I would probably match her energy in terms of effort.

Why not cut her off for the real reason, than pretending it’s about £1 spent on a bit of cardboard?

My brother has rarely bought my daughter gifts. I couldn’t give a crap and neither could she. You said your sister came to see your niece. Surely that shows something?