To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

[CrimboDilemma1]

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

and now you know why she doesn't bother with any of you.

Good for her I think! You don't like her, and make it very obvious, why should she bother wasting her money on any of you?

You previously posted "No-one really likes my sister anyway - because of her behaviour - so I’m sure it won’t have too much of an impact 🤷‍♀️" Yet this latest post suggests your DM has expectations of family members to recognise each others life events, so why don't you ask your DM why your DSis(2) gets a free pass? Why doesn't your DM have "a fit" when your DSis doesn't buy cards or gifts for family members?
I don't think you should cut your DSis off, for the sake of family harmony (on the surface, at least) but I would match her behaviour and not go out of my way to interact with her - and I would definitely no longer buy her any cards or presents (although I suspect this wouldn't bother her at all).

This is incredibly petty.

My 26 year old sister in law is similar. Signs her name on my father in law and mother in laws. She doesn’t even live with them. I just won’t be buying her kids anything if she ever has them. She has literally no friends so assume she just very absorbed in herself

I get all that but cutting her off is OTT and ridiculous. Set your expectations that you're not expecting any gifts from her and don't plan to get her any as well and move on.

Cutting her off and creating a family rift over birthday presents for your daughter makes no sense.

How is that going to look?

If you cut someone off, you don’t see them anymore. You don’t attend family gatherings where they are present.

are you ready to miss time with extended family because of this issue?

Cut her off as in? Not go to your parents’ house while she’s there and ignore her messages in the family group chat? You could always just speak to her about it like a grown up, that would probably be much easier for you.

Yabu - my husbands adult son has never bought me/our kids presents - he's a selfish toerag but I prefer to rise above it. I get his kids gifts and leave dh to do whatever he wants re. Gifts for his son.

Very entitled OP.

Just don't buy her presents - simple

Agree about the drip feed. OP didn't get the response she wanted.

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

Well, she doesn’t seem to buy presents for anybody. She isn’t targeting your DD. plus she actually visited her on her bday. Lots of Aunts n uncles wouldn’t bother.

She just doesn’t bother with cards and pressies….if she were a male I doubt people would bat an eyelid to be honest.

To cut her off because you prescribe to the tradition to card/gift giving and she doesn’t, is ridiculous.

If she was excluding your DD, then maybe you’d have a point. But she does it for everybody. It doesn’t matter, let it go.

FFS. YABU. Just tell her how you feel. Have people lost the ability to have awkward conversations?

You sound very immature and entitled. Cool things with your sister if you wish but cutting her off because she doesn't buy presents is an over reaction. You can't dictate how people interact with your child or how they spend their own money. It may be the opposite of what you would do but that's your sister's choice.

So it's not really about presents for your DD at all. It's about your mum preferring your sister.

Ah so it turns out you’re just jealous of your mums relationship with her. How childish you all sound.

You and your sister come across as very immature.

I hope your daughter has positive adult role models in her life.

Maybe she isn't interested or care about your child? I know it's hurtful, but there's no law to say an aunt has to be interested in their nieces and nephews. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.

Way to overreact, OP. Just talk to her.

What a surprise. Opinion isn't going OP's way so we get an almighty drip feed about how she's otherwise a hideous human being.

OPs usually just say that someone's racist when they're "losing" AIBU so I suppose OP's made quite an effort here.

I would just have your DD open her presents from your other family members in front of your selfish sister. Then once they’re opened, sit and look at her….waiting…..

This issue isn't the lack of present or card.

Don't pretend it is.

It runs a lot deeper.

So whats the REAL issue and why are you using this as an excuse?

Christ, what are you? The Spanish Inquisition? The OP has provided the information she wants to. Probably best to just work with that.

The real issue is sibling rivalry.

She’s not even made her sound that bad tbh