Page 11 | To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

Ava40 · 19/12/2025 12:11

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:17

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

This is ridiculous, people should be able to spend their money the way they please. A gift should be a gift not an expectation!

Bluedenimdoglover · 19/12/2025 14:35

Nothing any of us say here will help you. Up to you what you do. You clearly don't like her. Try not to let your feelings colour your daughter's view of her aunt. She must judge for herself.

Nanof8 · 19/12/2025 17:22

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 15:10

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

Why would you even bother?
Your daughter is 9 she is old enough to see what her aunt is like. We all have relatives we don't particularly like. I just don't go out of my way to do anything with them. Not sure this is what you want to teach your daughter. I have been teaching my kids that it is more important to spend time with the person, which it seems your sister does. It sounds like this bothers you more than it does your daughter.

GaqiNa · 19/12/2025 19:23

I'm actually with you OP. Don't know why ppl don't understand what you're saying and cririsize you for wanting to take action over your sister's selfish behaviour. I would cut her off. She can't be bothered to even buy a card for her niece. What's the point having a relationship with her. Relationships need constant work even in families. Being related by blood doesn't mean one can behave selfishly and still expect their behaviour to be accepted.

Onceisenoughta · 20/12/2025 00:40

Is she the same with everyone in the family? Does everyone buy for her on her birthday & christmas?

Sometimes people don't even realise until they have their own children.

MumChp · 20/12/2025 00:44

Ffs you are ridiculous.

butterfly1234 · 20/12/2025 09:54

Things that are important to some people are not impoartant to others. Gifts and cards are important to you, but that doesn't mean they're important to everyone. Does your sister give gifts and card to others? Maybe materials things are just not important to her.

LoyalShaker · 20/12/2025 19:26

It sounds like she has different priorities. Understandably, your daughter is your priority and it hurts when parts of your family don't feel the same. Perhaps if she does have children in the future, she might change her perspective. I wouldn't cut her off, life is too short.

Grendel7 · 20/12/2025 19:41

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:17

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

She is clearly very selfish and spends all her money on herself. Its inconsiderate to ignore a childs birthday however and for that I would at the very least have it out with her. Botox? She's 25! Yeah, I get the idea of what she's like from just that one snippet. Wonder how she'll cope financially when she leaves home...

Ithinkimalittlehorrible · 20/12/2025 21:05

My mother always buys expensive, personalised cards and buys me a present for birthdays and Christmas. She's an arsehole.
My Dad used to email me a 'Happy Birthday' and transfer a few quid into my account. He was my best friend and an all round brilliant human.

This isn't about a card/present I think, but a far deeper resentment (sorry, I haven't read the whole thread)

Thedownwardspiralpath · 20/12/2025 21:41

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 15:10

Just to clear things up. Her other behaviours, where do I even start… she used to be alright but as she’s got older she’s turned into a very entitled and selfish human being. A spoilt monster really created by my mum quite obviously favouriting her out of all the siblings.

She gets into relationships, treats them awfully and then when they end up finally reacting, that then spills out into my mum’s house (very loud, chaotic arguments inside my mum’s house, outside of my mum’s house so it’s a show for the whole road). She treats my mum like a bank, my mum will often loan her thousands of pounds because my sister wants a lifestyle she can’t afford despite being on a good wage, and she’s never expected to really pay it back properly. She will go on holiday and ring my mum crying with some sort of drama every day the whole time she’s away - my mum had to go sick from work for a week last time because of the stress. She had the audacity to message my grandparents a really horrible message saying they control my mum’s life when that’s not true in the slightest - they let my mum crack on with her own life and it’s my sister who controls every aspect - and then when she wants running around, she has the cheek to ring them asking for favours. She has just turned into a horrible human being, hence why no-one really likes her or bothers with her anymore.

Cutting her off - I mean only me. Obviously I wouldn’t stop my DD from seeing her if they were both at my mum’s house and I wouldn’t make the effort to have any contact with her at all - but obviously I wouldn’t make a scene at family gatherings.

You probably should of started with this 😁
She sounds very spoiled and immature but she’s your sister so I would just agree not to do gifts and stay out of the drama.

Theslummymummy · 20/12/2025 21:48

CrimboDilemma1 · 17/12/2025 14:24

grabby behaviour? 😂 we are talking about a quid for a birthday card to show a bit of effort and acknowledgement. It actually shows that I care about who makes an effort with my child and who doesn’t - blood or not 🤷‍♀️

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No, you care about the material things. You've said she comes to visit o. Her birthday, that is literally making an effort. You sound bitchy and entitled.

Okiedokie123 · 20/12/2025 22:18

I wouldn’t cut her off….. but I wouldn’t bother with her either if that makes sense. Eg I am in theory not estranged from my db but I literally only know of his existence because my dm occasionally mentions him. I see him maybe once every five years.
I don’t think you sound grabby @CrimboDilemma1 just fed up. I’m surprised you’ve bothered with her as long as you have tbh.

winter8090 · 21/12/2025 07:17

You can’t force human relationships and I suspect her effort level with her niece reflects her relationship with you.

NoKidsSendDogs · 21/12/2025 16:52

Material gifts do not signify how much someone does or doesn't care about someone else. Stop doing the gift thing, on either side. But if you cut your sister off simply she doesn't give you enough stuff, I don't think she's the one in the wrong.

MillyDe · 27/12/2025 01:19

Have you thought that she may have ADHD and completely forget dates or get overwhelmed and get things later because of this?
I constantly forgot my mother's and sister's birthdays.
I needed reminding every single year.
And I forgot about Easter./ Mother's Day/ Christmas, even though it's all in the shops.
I would also forget to save up things and have real trouble handling my money.
I am AuDHD and I really struggle with dates, money management and remembering things in time.
Executive function disorder... Big style!
And it wasn't just my friends and families that got things late but bills paid late as well.
I think we should only really cut family out for toxic or abusive behavior.
There's usually a reason behind all other things that don't match up to what you expect of someone.

MillyDe · 27/12/2025 01:20

Is she maybe ADHD?

MillyDe · 27/12/2025 01:24

😱😱

Nantescalling · 03/01/2026 17:42

Honestly, since you went into detail, I have changed my mind. I wanted to say I thought you could just agree with no presents either way but now you have filled us in,that's changed. She is like a real nightmare even taking advantage of your kind, gullible Mum. You shouldn't bother with her at all but don't bother to give any explanation !