To cut my sister off if she does this again this year?

[CrimboDilemma1]

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 is 27, sister 2 is 25. Both still live at home and have no children. I am the oldest.

I have one DD, aged 9. We all live close together and see each other regularly.

Last year, sister 2 (25) didn’t bother buying my DD anything for her birthday or anything for Christmas. Not even a card. DD’s birthday is right before Christmas Day, and she came over to see her - so it’s not like she forgot. She also didn’t buy me, my other sister or anyone else in the immediate family anything for our birthdays - again, not even a card.

She works full time, earns a good wage and hardly pays any ‘rent’ for living at home. She has plenty of money to spare but prefers to spend it on her hair and lashes and Botox.

I don’t care about myself - I don’t need presents - but I think it’s bloody selfish to not bother with the only niece she has - when she can afford to do so. A card and gift for £10-15 would be enough. Last year, she bought her a pair of trainers 6-7 months after her birthday and Christmas, and only because I called her out on it.

AIBU to completely cut her off if she doesn’t bother with DD again this year?

If my sister was this horrendous I wouldn't want to spend time with her either. But in fact, even though my sisters have never really acknowledged my children's birthdays, they have been such good sisters and aunts in other ways that I would hate to lose them.

I’m sorry it’s not that deep. I don’t care if my siblings don’t buy my child anything because I spoil and do enough for my own child

It’s good your sisters have made up for it in other ways, unfortunately my sister hasn’t she has only ever cared about herself. No one else matters to her, not even our parents.

Your sister does not owe your daughter presents.

My sister is like this. Always 'forgets'. This year I stopped getting her presents for her birthday and Christmas. If she can't put the effort in, nor can I.

Match the energy x

People are so strange about their children.

You would CUT OFF your sister who has done nothing to you at all??? What is wrong with you? All she has done is not buy your child gifts!! Your child is not you.

Think about your friends (usually a weaker relationship than a life long blood tie) - surely you must have some who have kids who you have no interest in or are brats or unpleasant. How you feel about those kids doesn't affect whether you like or care for your friend - because the child is not the parent.

Fine because your sister is an aunt to your child, you may have an expectation for gifting - but that's just your expectation. Your sister didn't ask to be an aunt.

If you seriously would choose to dispose of a life -long blood relationship over this, either you have a terrible relationship anyway or you are the type of person with no sense about what matters in life.

In 20 years time, your child will not give a shit about whether someone bought them a present; you on the other hand may very well be deeply distressed about having no relationship with a sister. You can't just create a new one.

I wouldnt cut her off, life is too short, and you'll need to be at family events with her in the future. I would, however, have a word. Tell her you think its hurtful to her only niece. And stop buying her anything

Your way OTT to cut her off because of this. Whilst it is usual / a nice gesture for a lot of people to give their niece / nephew a birthday / Christmas gift there's no law to say she has to.
And you know that if she ever has children you will not be getting them gifts/ cards for birthdays or Christmas.

Just don't buy her any gifts or cards for any occasion, no need to cut her off. If she moans explain the concept of reciprocity to her. End of. No drama.

You said she came to see her on her birthday.
Isn't that showing effort and far better than a silly £1 card she could have bought.
You're being completely unreasonable.

Not giving a gift seems a bit OTT to cut someone off about.

If she would only be giving a token then what is the point. The trainers when needed are more appropriate than a bit of tat on her birthday.

If DD needs something specific during the year then mention it and let them spend time together rather than worry about gifts.

You said it happened before. Do you not think that strange and really should be looking at her health rather than feeling slighted. Has no one else in the family picked up on this strange behaviour regardless of how successful you all think she may be. Perhaps she is not and, needs all of your help and a medical evaluation. She may well be masking. Your child, who is no doubt the one all must bow to, will survive without a card or present. Your sister on the other hand, if she has medical issues she is not aware of, needs support so get on the case and look after her.

Cutting her off is a bit much but I'd give her back the attention she gives. I do this with my DH and did it with my mom. No point getting annoyed about it. It's simply not important to some people, which is fine. But I'm the same back then.

totally agree. Try not to make your child as materialistic as you are.

It’s not grabby OP 🤣 perfectly normal to give presents and cards on birthdays, and YANBU to be surprised that your sister isn’t taking part.

Like others, I wouldn’t cut her out, but I wouldn’t be buying one for her either.

In my book, not even buying your own niece a bday card of Christmas present is pretty poor show. I wouldn’t dream of not getting my nieces / nephew a present. Even my nieces who are 25 and 30 I still buy a gift as they are family.

Perhaps the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and your niece is a grabby, spoilt brat and has learned it from her mother. The world doesn't revolve around your child, in my opinion botox and nails are far more worthwile than some plastic crap for your niece that she will forget about and will only add to landfill. Perhaps your niece doesn't adequately thank her when she has previously bought presents. I can't believe that you previously essentially forced her to buy her a present in the past.

You’re going to have to let this go. One thing I have learned is that others are not required to live up to my expectations. Don’t cut your sister off or even care about this.

She’s probably a bit wrapped up in her own life at the moment. Things will change and she’ll mature a bit. Please don’t cut contact. Have a chat with her though.

I have a brother like this. I have finally got to the root of his behaviour, he doesn't like me, so I will not be bothering with anything for him for Christmas or birthdays from now on. You can either let it fester and annoy you or just mirror her behaviour. Life is just too short. Sometimes it's better just to walk away for a bit and concentrate on those who do matter in your life.
Good luck and I hope you have a peaceful Christmas.

You can either ignore that she just can't be bothered or be sarcastic and ask if she's changed her religion, if she asks what you mean say well you don't celebrate anything not even a card. But no i wouldn't cut her off, she just sounds like someone that couldn't care less how other people feel. Maybe if she has children of her own in the future she will stop and think how hurtful her actions have been. I think it hurts us more than the ones she hasn't sent cards to.

You’d be unreasonable to cut her off , but I’d stop getting her birthday and Christmas gifts and cards .

agree with some others - to cut her off is too dramatic and could severely affect your relationship with her and others
just don't ever buy her anything

IMHO I would much rather my brother spend good old quality time with my kids for their birthday rather than buying them a present, even though he can afford it because that's what my girls are going to cherish and remember when they get older, chances are they are going to forget the £15 gift he bought them one year, but that's just me. I agree with everyone else, just agree to not do gifts anymore but cherish that time that your daughter gets to spend with one of her aunts x

Just an amnesty where everyone knows that no gifts or cards will be exchanged in any way shape or form, but she is still welcome to buy for her neice if she wishes, but with no pressure or expectation from you. There's no need to fall out over it, each to their own!

In our family no adults buy for each other really, but we all do for kids.