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Original poster

Son dumped by girlfriend because I hadn't proposed

1000 replies

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:23

Out of the blue on Saturday my ds was dumped by his girlfriend of 3 years.
Just because he hasn't proposed yet.
He's absolutely devastated, as far as he was concerned they were very happy together

A few months ago she did ask him if he wanted to marry her and he said of course he does in the future, but she asked him for a rough timeline of when he might want to get engaged.
He told her he wasn't doing any of that silly timeline stuff and he would do it when the time was right.
She was upset at the time, but it was left at that.
Then on Saturday she sits him down and tells him it's over! Just before Christmas which I think is very cruel
He said she ended it and then went to get ready for a Christmas party! I wouldn't have thought she could be so cold.
I know her best friend is newly single so we suspect she may have pushed her to do this
I now have a devastated son at my house not knowing what to do

It's her apartment they live in so he also got to find somewhere to live after Christmas on top of this

Am I being unreasonable if I contact her and talk some sense into her?

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 15/12/2025 20:29

None of your business!!!

G5000 · 15/12/2025 20:29

your son clearly doesn't think she's the one he wants to marry. After 3 years you don't tell your partner you don't even have a timeline. He just panicked as he needs to move out.

EconomyClassRockstar · 15/12/2025 20:29

Being single at 27 is risky?!! 😂😂😂
OR maybe she just has enough self respect that she'd rather be single for the rest of her life than wait around for a guy to decide if he wants to marry her or not?!

brunettemic · 15/12/2025 20:29

So you’ve never heard of women doing this before then?

hitmewithatottie · 15/12/2025 20:30

Butchyrestingface · 15/12/2025 19:44

Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

Lol, you're a card, OP.

This woman has dodged a rocket (Scots in the crowd will know what I mean).

I’m Scottish and I’ve never heard this phrase - dodged a bullet on the other hand is very common,

ladykale · 15/12/2025 20:30

More women should do this! Unbelievable how many women sit around for years waiting to be proposed to

HaveYouFedTheFish · 15/12/2025 20:31

Livpool · 15/12/2025 20:17

Well I mean she could have proposed if she wanted to be engaged but YABVU to get involved! She ‘s 27 so she isn’t exactly desperate to find a new man, she can have some fun.

As for your son OP, they were together for 3 years, he is 30 and they are living together - why didn’t he want to get engaged?!

She did essentially - she asked him whether he wanted to marry her and he said probably, one day but I don't want to talk about when and I won't consider us engaged until I unilaterally decide the time is right.

Proposing isn't getting down on one knee - it's making a suggestion which the other party can accept or reject. He half arsed his yes so it was more of a maybe and made it clear she wasn't in charge nor even allowed to initiate planning or further discussion.

Cosyblankets · 15/12/2025 20:31

shuggles · 15/12/2025 20:23

You have a strange definition of "long term."

Show quote history

What would you call it?
They've been together over 3 years and live together.
Hardly a casual acquaintance

SpinningaCompass · 15/12/2025 20:31

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:32

He's 30 she is 27 of course I won't emotionally blackmail her. We got on really well and I just wanted to tell her how much he loves her and remind her that there isn't many good men out there

She is a lovely woman I'm just shocked how she went about ot, just before Christmas too

And if she hadn't done it before Christmas, he might have spent a lot of money on her ... which you would have likely been scathing about saying she knew she was going to dump him, but waited until after he spent more money on her.

She couldn't win here.

But he could have. By moving the relationship forward or ending it himself. She made it clear she wanted marriage, and at their ages, and after 3 years, he should have known it was likely a deal breaker at this point for her.

YABU ... and you need to leave her alone and stop this 'talk some sense into her' nonsense.

Silverbirchleaf · 15/12/2025 20:32

shuggles · 15/12/2025 20:23

Sorry... he only had 3 years...

I'm really confused about how everyone on this thread is expecting this man to have proposed on an extremely short and accelerated timeline. They were only in a relationship for 3 years.

Why does it need to be so rushed? Normally when relationships are that rushed, they do not last.

It would be typical for people to be in a relationship for much longer before getting married. Most people I know who are married were in a relationship for at least 7 - 10 years, or for even longer, before proposing.

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Most people I knew got engaged within 12-18 months and married within a year after that. We’re all now (well, maybe not all) celebrating thirty years plus of marriage.

SL2924 · 15/12/2025 20:33

He can’t propose now anyway. It’s not healthy with that level of ultimatum. If your son is genuinely nice then she’s probably cut off her nose to spite her face. 3 years isn’t that long but if that’s her bottom line then there’s not much anyone can do about it.

BadgernTheGarden · 15/12/2025 20:33

She wants him to commit, he won't and to her that's a deal breaker and I tend to agree with her. He thinks she should wait indefinitely for him to decide to marry her or maybe he never will, she deserves to find someone else.

SheilaFentiman · 15/12/2025 20:33

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 19:43

He spoke to her yesterday and told her he'd go out tomorrow and buy a ring and they could start planning
She said no that isn't what she wants now!
So I don't think she knows what she wants
Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years

Show quote history

But staying with someone who is unconvinced about marrying her, if that is part of her life plan, is also a huge risk

GooseberryGreen · 15/12/2025 20:33

For the poster who thinks you should devote 7 -10 years before getting a proposal, I'm kind of speechless. So say that you start "seriously" dating at the relatively young age of 22. Let's say no proposal is coming or you break up after 7 years. The woman would now be 29. Starting again, she invests a further 7 years and again no proposal. Whoops because she's now 36 and won't be able to land another proposal at the earliest by 42. My own view us that post 25, a year or 18 months is long enough to work out if you're compatible if marriage is what you want.

BlueMum16 · 15/12/2025 20:33

OneGreenPoster · 15/12/2025 20:15

He isn't moving back in with me. He's going back to her apartment until after Christmas and then he'll have to move somewhere else unfortunately.

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I would suggest you focus your energy on helping him find somewhere else to live.

He can't reasonably expect to live there for weeks while they are not together.

He made his choice
She made hers.

They need to move on now before there's any further hurt.

PippaPentangle · 15/12/2025 20:34

EchoedSilence · 15/12/2025 20:16

Do people really think like that these days?

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No, it’s very 1970s IMHO.

superbakedpotato · 15/12/2025 20:34

Yes, you are. Leave her alone, it's not your place.

Barney16 · 15/12/2025 20:34

Keep out of it OP. Their private business is not any of your business. I'm sure it's very hard to see your son upset but no good will come from interfering.

SunnyViper · 15/12/2025 20:34

OP, your son is stupid and has blown it. I hope she finds someone better and willing to commit.

AngelicKaty · 15/12/2025 20:34

shuggles · 15/12/2025 20:23

Sorry... he only had 3 years...

I'm really confused about how everyone on this thread is expecting this man to have proposed on an extremely short and accelerated timeline. They were only in a relationship for 3 years.

Why does it need to be so rushed? Normally when relationships are that rushed, they do not last.

It would be typical for people to be in a relationship for much longer before getting married. Most people I know who are married were in a relationship for at least 7 - 10 years, or for even longer, before proposing.

Show quote history

"Extremely short and accelerated timeline"? 😂 Three years isn't short and he's now the one accelerating it because he's taken her for granted and she's had enough of his prevarication.
DH and I married after 18 months together - been married over 42 years. All our peer group are the same - short engagements/long marriages. I don't know where you get the idea that "it would be typical for people to be in a relationship for much longer before getting married." The truth is, these days it's typical for people to not get married at all.

PippaPentangle · 15/12/2025 20:35

SpinningaCompass · 15/12/2025 20:31

And if she hadn't done it before Christmas, he might have spent a lot of money on her ... which you would have likely been scathing about saying she knew she was going to dump him, but waited until after he spent more money on her.

She couldn't win here.

But he could have. By moving the relationship forward or ending it himself. She made it clear she wanted marriage, and at their ages, and after 3 years, he should have known it was likely a deal breaker at this point for her.

YABU ... and you need to leave her alone and stop this 'talk some sense into her' nonsense.

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This ^ 100%

SpinningaCompass · 15/12/2025 20:35

outerspacepotato · 15/12/2025 20:12

He doesn't love her if he thought her timeline for moving a live in relationship to marriage was dumb and not worth his time. Now he wants to marry her when she's telling him to leave and he's inconvenienced having to find a new place to live. He either cut off his nose to spite hisface or he's using her as a convenience. Either way shows he's got a nasty misogynistic streak towards women that you seem to share, thinking 27 is old to be finding a lovely partner.

She knows what she wants. Your son doesn't despite being older. I bet he doesn't think timelines are so silly now, considering he's on one to move out.

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100%

Inthedoghaus · 15/12/2025 20:35

There is a lot of content out there that says that if he hasn’t proposed by 3 years he never will. She told him she wanted to get married, he agreed, and did nothing about it. I saw good for her

Troublein · 15/12/2025 20:36

She told him what she wanted a few months ago.

She wanted a timeline in which he saw them married.

He dodged it then and basically forgot about it while she waited to see if now she'd made it plain this was important to her he'd act on it.

Your son had his chance, now he's lost it.

She is still in her 20s, good for her knowing what she wants from a partner.
I hope she finds a man who is willing to commit.

Nearly50omg · 15/12/2025 20:37

BlueMum16 · 15/12/2025 20:33

I would suggest you focus your energy on helping him find somewhere else to live.

He can't reasonably expect to live there for weeks while they are not together.

He made his choice
She made hers.

They need to move on now before there's any further hurt.

Show quote history

Exactly! Why is he staying somewhere he isn’t wanted when his gf has split up with him?!?! He should be moving out by Friday not next year!! This shows the entitled attitude he has and probably is one of the reasons his girlfriend has had enough of his behavior

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