Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD wear a dress?

284 replies

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:13

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear.
She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either.

AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

OP posts:
Mumsntfan1 · 14/12/2025 15:14

How old is she?

Brefugee · 14/12/2025 15:15

in your eyes it may be irrelevant, but in your daughter's eyes it isn't.
Don't bully her into a dress. There is no need for it

Original poster
EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:15

Mumsntfan1 · 14/12/2025 15:14

How old is she?

Sorry meant to add that in the OP but I forgot. 14.

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 14/12/2025 15:16

At 14 shes old enough to decide what she wants to wear. Yabu - lay off.

therewasafishinthepercolator · 14/12/2025 15:16

Don't make her wear the dress. At 14 she should be deciding what she wears herself.

Lots of people dress casually for church services. Yabu.

Fernsrus · 14/12/2025 15:17

Does the church require women to wear dresses??

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 15:17

At 14 it's got absolutely nothing to do with you.

Mama2many73 · 14/12/2025 15:18

Personal view ...YABU.
It makes no difference to anyone in church if she is smartly dressed or not.
It makes no difference to her beliefs and religion if she is dressed smartly or not.
I think this is more about your feelings/expectations of what others may think /say.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 14/12/2025 15:18

Nope, I would not make my 14 year old daughter wear something that she doesn't want to wear. At this age its so important that they feel they fit in. If all her friends are wearing jeans then what is the harm of her wearing them too?

Show her you have her back and that you 'get it' and let her pick her own clothes.

TakingTheTime · 14/12/2025 15:18

She's 14 - of course she wants to wear what her mates are wearing. Don't try to make her wear something that will singleher out as being different. Many kids of that age wouldn't even attend a church service.

TellmethestoryofO · 14/12/2025 15:18

How old is she?
I’d let her wear what she wants to wear, yes it’s great for them to own their individuality and this will come with time but she’s probably at the age where she doesn’t want to stand out and just wants to fit in with her friends.
Wearing jeans in church is not disrespectful!

FuzzyWolf · 14/12/2025 15:18

YABU.

staringatthesun · 14/12/2025 15:18

Please pick your battles with your 14 year old daughter and let her have some autonomy about what she wears.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/12/2025 15:19

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:15

Sorry meant to add that in the OP but I forgot. 14.

Show quote history

14! You can dictate what she wears, that’s out of order. God doesn’t care if she wears trousers and neither should you.

Notateacheranymore · 14/12/2025 15:19

Please don’t make her wear the dress if she doesn’t want to.

Surely God, if you have a faith, doesn’t really care how you look when you attend church?!?! Unless it’s that malicious, grumpy OT God you are thinking of.

Tell her she can wear what she wants BUT you get to see in advance just to check nothing too far the other way.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/12/2025 15:19

Yabu girl

therewasafishinthepercolator · 14/12/2025 15:20

Wanting to dress like her friends at 14 is completely normal and understandable.
It isn't a character flaw.

It sounds like you want her to know her own mind, be an individual by wearing what you want her to wear.

Makes no sense to me. Let her wear what she wants.

NormasArse · 14/12/2025 15:21

I always wear trousers to church ( and anywhere else). I’m pretty sure God doesn’t mind- I suspect his mind is on higher things.

Puddingpiper · 14/12/2025 15:21

My mum used to do this for family dinners etc, only outcome was that I refused to wear a dress on principle from being 17-27. She is wearing jeans not a bikini all will be fine

Original poster
EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:21

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/12/2025 15:16

At 14 shes old enough to decide what she wants to wear. Yabu - lay off.

99% of the time I agree and we rarely argue about what she should wear. For regular church services she’s in trakkies/jeans/leggings. Just to add , I’m not religious, this is something she chose to do (confirmation) so no push from me on that side.
However, I do think you should dress for the occasion and baggy jeans and a billie Eilish tshirt are not appropriate for a church carol service where she will be involved (not just sitting in a pew). Just like it wouldn’t be appropriate for a wedding , or at a job interview or plenty of other situations.

OP posts:
Lookingforwardto2025 · 14/12/2025 15:21

At 14 I would let her choose. Casual clothes are fine in church.

Mumsntfan1 · 14/12/2025 15:22

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:15

Sorry meant to add that in the OP but I forgot. 14.

Show quote history

Then I wouldn't. She's old enough to decide for herself.

triballeader · 14/12/2025 15:23

At my old church we had families turn up in their best Christmas PJs for carol services. As long as it is decent let her wear what she finds comfortable and possibly warm. My DD’s used to turn up wearing Slipknot hoodys and hell bunny tops and their dad is the priest.

TBH I would far rather people came as they are and share in some of the joy rather than feel horribly uncomfortable and that this was not a space they could come to ever again.

Greenfinch7 · 14/12/2025 15:23

I would let her wear what she wants but I would bring the dress along (without telling her). She might get there and find that all her friends are actually more dressed up than they said they would be, and she might want to quickly change when she sees them... this happened to me once more than 40 years ago and I can remember the feeling of shame at being underdressed.

My mum and I had had a fight about it- I had refused to dress up and then arrived to find that she had been right, and everyone else was formally dressed. I always think she missed a chance to be not only right but incredibly kind, if she had just brought the dress along with her and whipped it out when I realised I needed it.

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 15:24

EatYourDamnPie · 14/12/2025 15:21

99% of the time I agree and we rarely argue about what she should wear. For regular church services she’s in trakkies/jeans/leggings. Just to add , I’m not religious, this is something she chose to do (confirmation) so no push from me on that side.
However, I do think you should dress for the occasion and baggy jeans and a billie Eilish tshirt are not appropriate for a church carol service where she will be involved (not just sitting in a pew). Just like it wouldn’t be appropriate for a wedding , or at a job interview or plenty of other situations.

Show quote history

She's old enough to decide for herself what's suitable.