To make DD wear a dress?

[EatYourDamnPie]

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear.
She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either.

AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

I always wear jeans to church!

It’s church.

There no dress code. You are either there because she sings in the choir and/or religious.

No one should be judged on the level of their faith based on what they wear.

Plus she’s 14 so it’s up to her anyway.

I did suggest her black trousers with a nicer top (not a lot to choose from but hey ho), but that wasn’t a good option either.

No church should or does carewhat young people wear within reason.

Let her wear what she wants.

As long as there isn’t too much flesh on display, let her wear what she likes.

I always wear jeans and trainers to church

Also I don't get why you're so hung up on it especially when you know she won't stick out as her friends are wearing casual clothes.

Are the other friends participating in the service as well? If just attending, I'd be fine letting her choose and originally voted YABU. But if she's participating I think she should be a bit smarter. Not necessarily the dress, but the band t-shirt in particular seems a bit much. Compromise on jeans and nicer top?

YABU. Your daughter will grow up resenting you. A postive attitude and behaviour, and being true to herself is what is respectful to the church. Let her wear what she is comfortable in. My dm used to pressure me into dresses as a child; and honestly it did nothing but make me feel like I couldn't be myself. Edited to say (at that time). I actually grew up to like dresses. Let her be 14; your attitude is outdated.

Jesus welcomed everyone to the temple and didn't put in barriers like dress codes. Come one, come all.

Sign of respect to the church for a young female to wear a dress

ergh what era is this

Of course you can't 'make her'. How? By physical force? Once a child is old enough to actually dress themselves and speak then they should be allowed to wear whatever they like. As long as it's weather appropriate and not literally indecent or some sort of safety hazard.

If her mates will be wearing normal stuff then she'll be really embarrassed if you coerce her into wearing this dress.

How would you feel about being told what to wear when outside of work/school?

Leave her alone fgs. She’s too old for you to be telling her what to wear, and your standards are painfully outdated in any case.

The image of Slipknot hoodies made me smile. That’s a blast from the past. Starting to reconsider tbh.

The main lesson I want her to learn is to dress appropriately for the occasion in general and have a sense for dress codes. 9/10 she gets it right . The 10th is mostly related to not being warm enough and then moaning about it.

Have you read much of the new testement? There are many passages about how going to church shouldn’t be about showing off and judging people on what they’re wearing. Let her wear what is comfortable.

I remember a friend wearing a Frankie Says Relax t shirt to church to do the reading one Sunday in the 80s, which turned a few heads. Those times have passed thankfully, it’s more important that she goes, participates and feels comfortable. Churches generally aren’t the stuffy places of my youth.

By asking her. She’s a good kid so it often doesn’t take more than that. Like I said, she’s not really arguing back but I can see she’s unhappy, which is why I posted.

Let her wear the jeans & Billie t-shirt. I’d be encouraging a cosy jumper as churches are often chilly but other than that let her crack on. Good for her singing carols and being involved!

Christ I thought you were going to say she was 6.

Why are you choosing this hill to die on? Especially as none of the other kids will be in dresses so you're literally asking her to stand out like a sore thumb (which is the exact opposite of what most teenagers want, are you so very old that you've forgotten what it's like to be 14?).

On top of that you're not even fucking religious so you can't even stand by your own bullshit that it's about "respect" for the church can you? At least be honest and say it's about controlling her.

She’ll learn that through going to places where there is a dress code, church shouldn’t be that place unless for a formal occasion - wedding/christening/funeral. She’s also going to learn by getting it wrong occasionally but don’t let her clothes become a battle ground and potentially spoil what should be a lovely event for her.

‘She’s a good kid, isn’t arguing’ but you’re making her feel unhappy?

I would let her wear whatever she wants to fit in with her friends. She will appreciate you being flexible about it. She sounds like a good kid.

Lol.

I mean LOL at all of it but particularly this.

Can we assume you'll be arriving in full Victorian attire with your attitude stashed in the back of the horse and cart?

The dress came up as the only option that was smart casual AND something she likes/wore on other occasions, other than her black trousers which were an absolute no (from her).

4? You may have had a point. 14? Nope. She chooses what she wears.