To make DD wear a dress?

[EatYourDamnPie]

She has a church Christmas carol service tonight. It’s a knitted , casual dress that she picked and worn many times before. Apparently all her friends will be wearing jeans/leggings and band/casual tshirts. She doesn’t want to wear the dress because all her friends will be in jeans. In my eyes , it’s irrelevant what everyone does and it’s a sign of respect to the church, the event and other people going. If she had anything else (other than her uniform)even remotely smart casual it would be fine , but she doesn’t(I’ll work on that situation in the new year). The dress fits her well and she looks great in it, but like I said, it’s not even that she hates her dress it’s about what everyone else will wear.
She’s not kicking off, but she’s not happy about it either.

AIBU to tell her she has to wear the dress?

The main lesson I want her to learn is to dress appropriately for the occasion

whats appropriate / respectful for a given occasion is socially constructed. There’s no universal law of what clothing means. Wearing similar to everyone else is surely the best general heuristic possible for choosing appropriate clothing. She’s right, she just belongs to a different sub culture than you.

She’s 14. Let her wear what her friends are wearing. This is not the hill to die on.

‘Give in on the jeans’?? Seriously??
My mum was like you. I don’t like her much.

I kinda get it, from both sides actually.
Compromise is the answer, the jeans yes but maybe a different top?

I don't make my 7yr old DD wear anything she doesn't feel comfortable in. As much as I would love to dress her in a skirt and boots I don't think I'd actually be able to get it physically on her. She's a tomboy and hates dresses/skirts/frills/bows etc
Let her wear the jeans

I'd let her wear what she wants but I wouldn't be going regularly to church with her either. She's old enough to make her own choices but they shouldn't impose on you to this extent

What would you make her wear if she was a boy?

My mum used to force me to wear dresses when my little brothers wore whatever they wanted. The memory still pisses me off to this day!

YABU

This is what I’ll suggest to her when she comes out of the shower. It did sit wrong with me, but there have been some good points made , including about warmth.

It's refreshing to see someone concerned with dressing respectfully when the occasion calls for it. In your shoes I would explain to her that regardless of what her friends will do, a touch of formality in her clothes is appropriate her but she may choose what that looks like.

Work together.

I am on your side OP. Dress for the occasion. And wanting to wear a band T-shirt is a statement and to say otherwise is disingenuous. I wonder how many of her friends have told their parents what they intend to wear . I'd try to compromise and let her wear her jeans but maybe with a plain hoody or top. Go and buy it for her if necessary maybe a red one ?

Nice trousers and shirt/nice tshirt/jumper.

She’d be more upset about going alone than she is about the dress. The kid is … interesting.

I seriously doubt ALL her friends will be in jeans /leggings tbh. Guess we’ll see tonight.

If she turns up and everyone else is smart and she stands out then it’s a lesson learned . She isn’t going to though because she knows what her friends are wearing.

You’ve suggested something. She’s said no. She’s the one risking not looking smart enough, so why do you care?

She gets to decide in my view. There will be plenty of hills to die on, this isn’t it. If her friends are more dresssednup than anticipated then she has learnt a lesson.

Making your daughter (because that’s the title) wear a dress as a sign of “respect” to a church is unhinged.

We’re not talking about a mosque or a job interview here, so that’s irrelevant to my point.

This is one of those battles that need not be fought. Exhausting and liable to cause ill-feeling on both sides. Let your daughter dress as she sees fit and save your energy for serious issues.

I let my son wear a tracksuit to a similar event last year where he was doing a reading. Who said you head to dress 'smart' to go to church?

This can't be real.
Wearing a dress is a sign of respect to the church.😀

Sorry @EatYourDamnPie lots of churchgoers wear jeans and leggings and all kinds of casual clothes. And that's not just teenagers either.

Let her wear what she wants, no one will look twice.

ETA: You say she needs to dress smarter bc she is involved – but is there a request to do so? I am thinking DD who had a band concert last night, had to wear white shirt and black trousers or skirt. Anything like that? If that's not been requested, no one can complain if she is wearing jeans tbh. I think as long as the T shirt doesn't have swearing on it no worries.

(what you describe would be totally appropriate for a job interview where I work btw).

It'll be interesting if all her friends have been made to wear dresses in the end and she turns up in jeans!

But she doesn't want to wear it on this occasion. She wants to fit in with her friends. You seem to have made up your mind that she's going to do what you want no matter how many people tell you to unclench. You're in danger of creating a situation where, once she has the chance to decide for herself, you won't see her for dust.

You're being weird

Titles are often quite misleading. If you read the OP's posts they make clear that she is not insisting on a dress.

We're talking about dress codes, so actually what your wear to other places is relevant. It would not be 'unhinged' to suggest that wearing pyjamas to a job interview is a bad idea. Neither is suggesting a teen singing in a choir wear smart-ish clothes.

This

JESUS LOVES LEGS