Friends so draining, is this how it is now aged 52?

[1973vintage]

AIBU to find pretty much all my female friends such moaning whingers now we’re in our fifties?

I invited some friends over last night for a few drinks and easy food. I’d pulled out the stops and bought champagne and nice snacks because a couple of them have been experiencing tough life events recently (divorce, family estrangement, bereavement) so wanted them to feel looked after and special.

OMG the whole lot of them whinged all evening. I wouldn’t have minded if we’d listened to the serious personal problems but they brought up: bad backs, aching hips, who’s died recently - people we barely knew so it felt like gossip, not being able to afford a cruise next year (FFS), how our nearest city has gone downhill, bad tempered husbands, car problems, menopausal migraines…..to mention a few. I kept trying to think of ways to lighten the mood and suggest easy solutions like go to the gym, see the gp, go somewhere else on holiday etc but every one f the seven of them was intent on whinging. I felt so deflated and depressed when they left. They didn’t want answers, just wanted a whinge fest. I wish I hadn’t made the effort and just stayed on my own with telly and wine.

Is this normal now we’re this age, menopausal and early or mid fifties? Do I need to make new friends?!?

YANBU - yes I have noticed my fifty something female friends draining me much more recently
and I agree that it’s depressing
YABU - it’s just your own social circle, get a grip and make new friends who add to your life not drain you of your energy

this reminds me of an evening a few years ago where my DS and a couple of other friends just couldn’t pull themselves out of this indulgent moan fest about men specifically. My DS can’t help herself if she wants to complain about stuff. She can either be very good or very bad company.

I think this has context though. There are two types of moans:

1. Jokey moans, as in, you moan about your age but do it in a fun and comedic way. Kind of like observational comedy. That can be highly amusing and cathartic.
2. Depressing moans - as in "have you planned your funeral yet?" "life is just going to get worse and worse now you're 50, nothing to look forward to now at all, its just downhill forever"

Number 1 is funny and we can all relate. Number 2 is pointless and unnecessary and I would definitely dump someone who kept on with this narrative relentlessly

TBH the first time I started experiencing this was in mid 30s when friends started having kids. We went from having a right laugh every time we met up and talking about all sorts of things, from work, tv, politics, dating, culture, whatever, to how often someone's baby had pooed or what nursery they were applying for and why... all of which are boring as fuck before you have kids yourself (and tbh even after can be briefly useful/interesting but I'd still prefer to talk about literally anything else!)

@1offnamechange oh, absolutely.. I just can't say how utterly brain-numbingly bored I was, within a group of mums talking about the merits of different branded baby vests.. it was 30 years ago & I still haven't got over it..