Friends so draining, is this how it is now aged 52?

[1973vintage]

AIBU to find pretty much all my female friends such moaning whingers now we’re in our fifties?

I invited some friends over last night for a few drinks and easy food. I’d pulled out the stops and bought champagne and nice snacks because a couple of them have been experiencing tough life events recently (divorce, family estrangement, bereavement) so wanted them to feel looked after and special.

OMG the whole lot of them whinged all evening. I wouldn’t have minded if we’d listened to the serious personal problems but they brought up: bad backs, aching hips, who’s died recently - people we barely knew so it felt like gossip, not being able to afford a cruise next year (FFS), how our nearest city has gone downhill, bad tempered husbands, car problems, menopausal migraines…..to mention a few. I kept trying to think of ways to lighten the mood and suggest easy solutions like go to the gym, see the gp, go somewhere else on holiday etc but every one f the seven of them was intent on whinging. I felt so deflated and depressed when they left. They didn’t want answers, just wanted a whinge fest. I wish I hadn’t made the effort and just stayed on my own with telly and wine.

Is this normal now we’re this age, menopausal and early or mid fifties? Do I need to make new friends?!?

YANBU - yes I have noticed my fifty something female friends draining me much more recently
and I agree that it’s depressing
YABU - it’s just your own social circle, get a grip and make new friends who add to your life not drain you of your energy

You ‘vent’ to a counsellor, your mother, your best friend after checking first she has capacity. You don’t vent at a Christmas gathering that your friend is hosted - with champagne and happy vibes!!! That’s just displaying a total lack of self awareness and a fast track to no future invites, ever.

Thank you @Blizzardofleaves

Pretty normal convos in my circle of friends - it's a hard age and people are becoming less fit and caring/losing parents. I guess you are really interesting though?

I used to teach females aged 30+.
Moan, moan and more moaning. Not only about the college but the textbook, the temperature of the room, the height of the desk...... I decided they were enjoying themselves and ignored them. Two males in the class and not one moan. Why is that I still wonder?

Definitely time to find new friends Life is tough enough without having "friends" that dull your sparkle. Spend your time with people who gladen your heart ☺️

I haven’t found that in my 50s but it sounds very much like my mother and her friends. They’re 70s and 80s and to be fair, life isn’t always easy for them.

I’m 50 something and all my similar aged friends are lots of fun, yes we have a moan but lots of laughs too and they always brighten me up. Think you need some new friends op!

That’s all well and good but when they go on and on none stop and are almost in competition, relating their many and varied issues and complaints, it practically sucks the energy out of everyone else.

I recently had a ‘festive’ meet-up with three friends. The same individual who dominates every single meet-up with incessant moaning and whinging did my head in! I sat there, thinking of the trillion things I could be doing instead of listening to her and decided I wasn’t going to entertain the thought of another meet-up because it was like an endurance test. I was absolutely shattered when I got home.

Don't grin and bear it with negative attitudes from friends- in my fifties i suffered serious depression- I didn't inflict it on my friends though, so I think you should consider different friends.

wait until you’re in your 60s and everyone starts obsessing over planning applications and who is parked on the road

Not exactly likeable yourself, @Santahol ...

I gave up on 'friends'. Too much damn trouble & stress. More than happy with my kids or on my own!

I lost my husband and my mother, and had my own health issues.
I wanted to see my friends for distraction and a bit of fun. But they just wanted to moan about their own random stuff.

I think people fall into two camps, when their lives start to go to shit. When it comes to socialising, they either want to vent to anyone who'll listen, or they want to hang out with friends in order to forget about the shittiness.

Unfortunately I'm the only person in my circle who's in the latter camp.
I dare say it's the same if you're the only person in the former camp and none of your friends want to listen.

YANBU.

Im only 40 and in the last 2 years I’ve noticed my friends talk a lot about ailments, people we know who are unwell and getting older.
It sounds unkind but it can be depressing when you still feel young!
Like a PP said, I’m finding it increasingly less enjoy to be around my friends.
I would rather be with my daughter or my mum!

Dude take a breath and switch off for the night. Life is obviously overwhelming for you atm but you're taking the thread too personally.

Sounds grim! That’s my age group and we laugh and laugh with time to talk about problems but not dominating the evening.