Kissing a corpse (signs of decomposition)

[HardyGreenMentor]

OH’s parent sadly and unexpectedly passed away 5w ago. Due to needing an autopsy the chapel of rest could only be arranged now. OH devastated and struggling to process it, went to the chapel after being told by funeral directors that there is discolouration. OH said there was a veil over the coffin but they could see through dark patches on the face and fingernails turning black. Suspecting it, I asked if OH kissed the corpse. OH said yes, on the hands. OH also said they want to go back to see their parent’s corpse on Monday despite the appearance.
I am weirded out that OH kissed over a month old corpse (a week or so I think might be debatable). I am also disturbed that OH wants to go back on Monday. I am not OK with OH coming home today and kissing our toddler on the head and face, so I washed our toddler.

I am not sure what to make of this. What exactly concerns you? Your toddler will be fine. You think your DH kissed a decomposing corpse?

The corpse will have been embalmed surely? They won't be rotting. Give your partner a break in their grief.

Its his parent, not a corpse

The body has been treated if it's ready for viewing OP..it's not rotting away the way you're thinking. He hasn't brought any germs back

OP, if there’s been an autopsy and your OH’s DP is in an open coffin, for sure there would have been some sort of embalming. I really don’t think you need to worry about your toddler. Your OH is clearly grieving and traumatised by his parent’s death - let him process it in his own way, and don’t be judgmental.

I’m sure it’s perfectly safe, OP. Don’t mention this to your OH and try and put it out of your mind .

As much as I’d think the same as you.. I wouldn’t voice it. I can’t see how it would have done too much to him health wise.

It’s not a decomposing corpse to your OH it’s their recently passed parent - have you no empathy?

Your DH has dealt with his grief in his own way so leave him to it.

There is something really odd about your choice of language here.

If it truly is decomposing and/or the membrane of the skin was damaged there is of course a risk of infection so I can understand the health concerns BUT you need to think very carefully about how you address this with your OH.
Your definition of their late parent as “a corpse” whilst factually correct is massively unfeeling. That is their parents remains, your OH is very clearly is shock and emotional turmoil and you need to allow them to process this whilst quietly doing what you can to minimise risk of infection to your toddler and yourself if that is a true concern.

A very cold and detached thread...

Agree! Please don't say anything of this to him, you're sounding awful.

What's your AIBU?

I’m not familiar with the embalming or other procedures that take place. Yes, one part is the worry about the germs. Another part is wanting to see a decomposing corpse for the second time. I know it used to be their parent but the person is gone.

YABU your OH has just lost a parent and this is your concern? Their parent will have probably been embalmed and washed. Prior to viewing, the staff there will have made sure they were as clean and as presentable as they could be.
People deal with death in different ways. There are no rules. So what if they are going back on Monday. What is wrong with wanting to view their parent again? Some people go back multiple times.
Maybe show a bit more empathy.

Guys, I’m shocked at how many of you got hung up on the semantics.. I never said these words to my OH, I’m not heartless. A lot of assumptions flying around.
I used the correct medical term on this platform to highlight the fact that the beloved person’s body (better?) is literally turning black and being kissed. Then kissing one’s child.
I looked up a bit on embalming and it’s chemicals being injected, slows but doesn’t stop the natural process. They don’t disinfect the skin. I also doubt they performed the embalming as a long period has elapsed and I’m not going to question the surviving parent about it.
I know everyone grieves in different ways and apparently my OH has a stronger stomach than me. Still weirded out.
Thank you for the input everyone!

You don't get to judge someone on whether they wish to visit their parent for the second time. It is not your grief.

But it's not decomposing the way you think. When I saw my kid in the morgue before her autopsy she was obviously dead, she smelled dead. But when I saw her in the chapel of rest a few weeks later she had been elbalmed and the smell of decay wasn't there and that was with the veil lifted so I could see her face.

It's not a bloated rotting away body when it's in the viewing stage. You're worrying over nothing.

Let him do his thing the way he wants to do it. You don't need to satisfied your child after he's kissed her

You're trying to make your partner's parent's mortal remains sound as revolting as you can, that's why people are picking up on the terms you're using. You may not be using these words to your partner but you're still thinking them. Did you really dislike his parent before they died, that you're referring to them in such a horrible way?

There won't be "germs". Your toddler is safe from contamination from their deceased grandparent. Please be as supportive as you can to your bereaved partner rather than worrying about "germs", it sounds like it's already been a really shocking and traumatic event for him.

I work in a funeral home.
The deceased are washed and kept very clean and cool. Embalming will slow decomposition.

The funeral home will make sure your MIL is presentable and sanitary. Kissing her will not make your DH dirty or infected.

You are ridiculous.

This is a very odd post.

Have some sympathy. They want to see their parent one last time, there is nothing weird about that.

Maybe have a quick Google, use this as a chance to educate yourself.

You are in the fortunate position of not knowing what it is like to have someone you love waiting for their final resting place in a chapel or wherever. Think yourself lucky and stop being so horrible. Referring to your husbands parent as a decomposing corpse is nasty of you. It doesn’t matter where you say it. Some thoughts should stay inside thoughts.