Kissing a corpse (signs of decomposition)

[HardyGreenMentor]

OH’s parent sadly and unexpectedly passed away 5w ago. Due to needing an autopsy the chapel of rest could only be arranged now. OH devastated and struggling to process it, went to the chapel after being told by funeral directors that there is discolouration. OH said there was a veil over the coffin but they could see through dark patches on the face and fingernails turning black. Suspecting it, I asked if OH kissed the corpse. OH said yes, on the hands. OH also said they want to go back to see their parent’s corpse on Monday despite the appearance.
I am weirded out that OH kissed over a month old corpse (a week or so I think might be debatable). I am also disturbed that OH wants to go back on Monday. I am not OK with OH coming home today and kissing our toddler on the head and face, so I washed our toddler.

Op this is not a corpse, this is his parent. Your dh’s parent. Presumably you had a relationship with this person?
id be devastated if i knew you said this or saw you washing our child! There would be no coming back from it.
you should be supporting him, not this.
i never visited my family after they passed, its something ive always regretted.
Support your dh. Maybe speak to someone if this is how you view things? Do germs terrify you a lot in life?

Im so sorry for your loss

For your sake, I hope nobody ever treats you or speaks about you the way you have about your supposed beloved husband.

Ffs are you kidding? Your post makes you sound cold stone hearted

Exactly right. Even in hospital the deceased are washed before going to the mortuary. During the post mortem process the body is cleaned and as @Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours sats, they are respectfully cared for in the funeral home. An absolute basic of their care is to ensure the deceased is suitable for viewing and would advise against this if there was too much trauma for example.
I kissed my recently passed darling dad in his bed and again a week or so later at the funeral home.

I saw my mum three times at the funeral
home before her funeral. No, it wasn’t nice to see her like that but it massively helped me to process her loss as the last time I’d seen her before that was after she’d just died in hospital. We had to leave her there without knowing what would happen to her so seeing her at the funeral home was a comfort. Yes, I did touch and kiss her . We have very little contact with the dead in our society compared with many others and I think for people who choose to it can help the grieving process for them.

Your husband isn’t going to pass on any germs from kissing the embalmed body of his parent.

You sound very cold, OP. Having lost a parent myself not so long ago, I'm quite shocked by your reaction to your grieving husband.

Do you have some sort of phobia which is making you unable to deal with the idea of your PIL's body? Your reaction is quite extreme.

Absolutely gross, I don't blame you for being weirded out. I don't get the need for open coffins, it is just a corpse. The person has gone.

Simba, just wanted to say thank you for the job you do. I was just thinking about this the other day - how important it is to have reliable, caring people to do this job in our society. . .

I used to work for a funeral director and I occasionally witnessed the embalming team at work. They would thoroughly wash all deceased before embalming them. If there was any risk of infection the deceased wouldn't be embalmed and we wouldn't allow an open coffin viewing because we couldn't guarantee that a family wouldn't ignore an instruction not to touch the deceased.
OP you are being totally unsympathetic to your DH in the loss of his parent. Your language and attitude are shocking.

You’re being massively unreasonable and horrible. This corpse is their beloved relative. Death is part of life and not sure why people act so weird about it.

It's a corpse, not a person. The person has gone. And of course OP is more concerned about her child than about her FIL!

I don't know what your cultural background is but referring to a recently deceased loved one as a 'decomposing corpse' is incredibly insensitive and disrespectful.

I presume you'd be happy to be thought of in this way when you pass away?

Nah, they'll be fully embalmed and preserved. They may look a bit discoloured, but they've been washed and dressed ready for their funeral. Your OH is grieving. It's not weird and what they did was in no way wrong. Don't worry. And please dial back some of the language. The 'decomposing corpse' is your OH's parent.

I’ve kissed two dead bodies. One before she was moved from her hospital bed, and certainly wasn’t clean, the other when he was in the funeral home, a couple of weeks after the death. Neither have caused me harm and both helped me to process the loss. I hope your dh gets the healing and processing time he needs with his DP.

Thank you for clarifying this.

OP your use of language when referring to your MIL is awful

If, god forbid, your DH died (as mine has) or your child died, are you saying you would not want to see/touch/kiss them?

Losing someone you love is hard.

This is a really distasteful thread.

it’s your partner’s parent. Let them grieve as they need to.

There are posters on this thread who have spoken about their experiences of seeing their loved ones in open coffins - including a parent who went to see her deceased child. It is not helpful for you to describe this as "gross" or "weird".

Are you usually so disrespectful and lacking in basic empathy towards others, or do you have a psychological problem with the idea of death that causes you to react so insensitively?

I chose not to see my mum because I was with her when she died and I didn't feel the need, but it's a very personal choice and I understand why it might help some people.

Have a little humanity.

OP, you are utterly heartless and actually sound like you have OCD. He kissed his parents hand, in grief. What do you think happened next? He transferred particles from his dead parent to your child?

Your poor OH.

Same, I kissed my friend a few hours after her death and also kissed my father in the funeral home a week after he passed. Nothing wrong with either. Some people are so weird about death.

How utterly ridiculous. I’m guessing you are someone who loves disinfectants in general and has an obsession with germs. He did nothing that could hurt yourself or his child, can you explain exactly which microorganisms you are worried about, so I can tell you how this won’t cause any health issue, because it won’t. There is nothing strange ordering your n what he is doing, there is only one strange person here.

My mum was a closed coffin.

I wish I had been able to see and touch her.

I kissed her forehead and sat with her and held her hand after she had died.

she was my mum. Not a decomposing corpse.

have a word with yourself and cop on.

I personally wouldn’t get any comfort from viewing a corpse, but understand that many people do.

Your DH kissing his parent really concerns nobody else.

Your toddler will be fine.