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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked my parents for a lift home?

620 replies

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:08

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/12/2025 19:11

More context is needed. How old are they? What have they been doing today? Is there somewhere warm you could go to wait? How long would it take them to get to you? I’d probably be willing to put a coat over my PJs and come and get you.

Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 19:12

Unless i was absolutely shattered myself I'd have just put a coat in & gone out in my pj's to fetch my dd. It's been a long day & its dark & cold. Families help each other out, even when you're over 18. You could have then done something nice for her in return

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:12

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/12/2025 19:11

More context is needed. How old are they? What have they been doing today? Is there somewhere warm you could go to wait? How long would it take them to get to you? I’d probably be willing to put a coat over my PJs and come and get you.

My mum is 63. Not much today, she’s been retired a while and I think today was the day she was having lunch with a friend. Not really anywhere to wait unless I walked back towards work

OP posts:
Bonden · 10/12/2025 19:13

Mean, selfish, lazy parents and tell them I said so!

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:14

Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 19:12

Unless i was absolutely shattered myself I'd have just put a coat in & gone out in my pj's to fetch my dd. It's been a long day & its dark & cold. Families help each other out, even when you're over 18. You could have then done something nice for her in return

I think what’s annoyed me most is I give my family lifts a lot. Every week I drive my dad to golf, I was giving my mum lifts a week after I had surgery and I regularly get drunken calls from my brother to pick him up in the middle of the night. But nobody could drive 15 minutes to me

OP posts:
muggart · 10/12/2025 19:14

she sounds a bit mean really.

BruFord · 10/12/2025 19:15

I think that’s unkind, I’d put a coat on and pick you up.

Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 19:15

Wait until she's too old to drive & eeds a lift somewhere. You might have your own childten by then, so she'll have to get a taxi.

FuzzyWolf · 10/12/2025 19:16

I would pick up my daughter and I’d also pick up any other family member or friend who needed a lift.

DeanStockwell · 10/12/2025 19:16

It would be different if you'd been out on the razzle and it was 2am but understand your circumstances I think they are been mean .

NoXmasPudding · 10/12/2025 19:17

If I was home and able, I would have thrown my coat on as soon as I saw your text. I don’t understand parents like this I’m afraid.

IfyouStealMySunshine · 10/12/2025 19:17

Very mean. Even if they didn’t want to come to pick you up to call you selfish for asking is well out of order.
I mean why wouldn’t you ask family in a situation like this on cold dark nights especially when you live with them.

Betty197 · 10/12/2025 19:17

I would without hesitation. For my daughter or husband. Just as hubby would for us. He drove 4 hour round trip the other day after a long day in work to collect us in the howling rain because our train was cancelled due to flooding

ErrolTheDragon · 10/12/2025 19:18

Bloody hell. DH and I are nearly 65, we’d be out to pick up under those circumstances like a shot.

Someone is being selfish here, and it’s not you, OP.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 10/12/2025 19:19

I usually pop to the train station 4 nights to pick dd20 up from her train home.
Because it's a nice thing to do!

Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 19:19

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:14

I think what’s annoyed me most is I give my family lifts a lot. Every week I drive my dad to golf, I was giving my mum lifts a week after I had surgery and I regularly get drunken calls from my brother to pick him up in the middle of the night. But nobody could drive 15 minutes to me

Show quote history

I'd cut down on the lifts. Let your brother fend for himself & pay for a taxi! They're walking all over you & are mean i'm sorry to say xx

Pollqueen · 10/12/2025 19:20

My kids are in their 30's and have families of their own and I still get called on to pick them up or take them places so yes, your parents ABU. I'd have just thrown a coat and uggs on over my pj's

StepAwayFromMyCrutches · 10/12/2025 19:21

How were you supposed to know they would be in their pyjamas at such a ridiculously early time? Is it far they would have to go to collect you?
I would definitely just pull a coat over pyjamas and collect my kids, even as adults, rather than leave them in the cold as long as I was able to get there.

HappySonHappyMum · 10/12/2025 19:21

I wouldn't have waited for you to ask - I'd have offered straight away. 7.15 is not even late!

Beerlzebub · 10/12/2025 19:21

If I hand't had a drink, and was in my pyjamas, I would have just put my coat on and gone to get you.

Catcatcat111 · 10/12/2025 19:24

Theyre being unkind and selfish. But how is a 2 hr bus journey 15 minutes in the car? Or were you meeting them halfway?

ultracynic · 10/12/2025 19:24

Just reply “ok no worries, I didn’t realise we weren’t doing lifts any more. See you in a couple of hours”

DwarfBeans · 10/12/2025 19:24

Every family has its workhorse and they work it to death. Don’t be that person who does everything for everyone and as soon as you need help they’re nowhere to be seen! Took me many years to learn that lesson.

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:25

Catcatcat111 · 10/12/2025 19:24

Theyre being unkind and selfish. But how is a 2 hr bus journey 15 minutes in the car? Or were you meeting them halfway?

The bus is delayed. If I’d got another bus I could have met them half way

OP posts:
pinkspeakers · 10/12/2025 19:26

How long will it take them to drive you there and back. My rule of thumb is that if that is longer than the person will be waiting for then the answer is generally no, unless conditions are seriously unpleasant!

Anyway, I think it was fine for you to ask. Also fine for them to say no, sorry, already in our pjs. Not fine for them to have a go at you like that (unless there is more to it).

We're in our 50s and 60s with two offspring in their 20s currently living at home, so I was thinking how I would respond. DH would probably say yes as he is kinder than me! I definitely wouldn't have a go at you though! My kids rarely ask for lifts, but they know it our house we all generally just wait for the next train! It's not just them.