To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

i have, I’ve not demanded a lift? I just asked if it was possible

I would be very disappointed with them.

that’s mean & selfish of them. Only time I’d say no would be if I’d had a drink.

In my family, it was completely normal for people to offer lifts and collect people from the station. In my husband’s family, nobody would give a lift to anyone. The height of meanness.

I'd tell them you do a lot for them and it isn't much to ask for as a one off

I generally believe in reciprocity. It might be transactional but generally I will treat people the way they treat me.

You have given your parents lifts - I think they should have gone and got you.

(Truthfully even if my children didn't give me a lift I would still have gone and got them - because they're exceptions to my rule and I like doing things for them.)

What selfish fucker your mother is. Any loving parent would just chuck a big coat on and help their child out. I honestly don't know why people like this have kids. I have just said to both of mine (now left home and both independent of me), that if either of them or their partners need a lift home and are stuck over Christmas, to call me and I'll be there if I can/have had a drink. They never bother me in any way unless they genuinely need me, so why would I not want to help them out, young adults or not. Also, they would do it for me. You reap what you sow.

Now I have done a lot of commuting delays and have had to sort myself out but she does have other options so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask. I think it really depends where she is. If she’s in a busy town and can pop into a shopping centre, that’s quite a different hour to sitting somewhere dark and isolated in the cold. If it’s genuinely a 15 minute trip then I think a lot of people would go and get someone in that situation. It’s not like the OP’s parents have to be up and out for work.

She needs to say either yes or no and cut out all the other crap. You are not responsible for her feelings. It is never unreasonable to ask - and it is always ok to say no.

Why are you still living with and depending on your parents at 25?

Hope you make it home OP and having a nice rest. I think it’s time to think about moving out and leave them to sit in their pjs.
Your mum was very very mean and selfish.

yanbu this makes me sad my dad still gives me lifts, getting up early, from the pub, from the station, drove me 10 hours to a uni thing there and back and I’m 37 and don’t live with him. My dad didn’t stop being a dad because I grew up.

I'm not sure you need more fuel but I'm 38 with a house and 2 kids both my parents and MIL would come out of i messaged this as would I for them ..

Think about the relationship dynamics as you grow and move you. Your parents should guilt tripping you like this..

I live with them because there’s a housing crisis and I’m single. I don’t depend on them.

Welcome to young adulthood in 2025 where it is too expensive for people to move out.

The average age for young people to leave home in the UK is around 24 years old, with half of people no longer living with parents by this age, up from 21 in 2011.

You asked nicely, all they had to do was say no nicely and instead they guilt tripped you. Not nice or reasonable, OP. I hope you got home and are warm now.

I was raised by my Dad he may have never been emotionally there but I always knew there was always a lift if I wanted it. Even decades after I moved out he recently offered to come and get me so I wasn't walking the short distance home from MOT place. Not once has he ever said no or complained about lifts. I'm sorry I think that's bloomin awful from your parents. Leaving you vulnerable in the wet dark for ages because they're in their PJs and then gaslighting you for their guilt at their crappy parenting.

I’m finally on a bus!

Your mum is basically saying: ‘If you have a problem, I’d rather you suffer in silence so that I don’t have to deal with it’. She doesn’t want to help you, so she’d rather not know to avoid feeling guilty. I would reflect on your family dynamics and think about how healthy they are.

That’s unkind of them, especially as it’s rare for you to ask, if I rang my mum for a lift she’d come for me no matter where I was or what age I was.

I think your family are within their rights to say ‘no sorry im in my PJs’ (although that might make you re-think next time they want a lift). But to say you shouldn’t even ask is horrible.

I hope your mum does feel guilty and mean - I would have picked you up in a heartbeat, pjs or no.

Oh well, no more trips to golf, the pub or anywhere else any of them would like to go. Silver linings.

Hope you get home soon, OP x

Why is any 25 year old living with their parents these days, do you really and truly have your ask such a condescending question ? And it doesn’t sound like the OP depends on them, she asked for a once-off lift home, which would only take 30 minutes of the driver’s time. It’s no big deal, I’d do it for any of my children if I could. They’d do the same for me.

Assuming it is a rare occasion you ask for a lift back from work I would tell them exactly that when you get home. Tell them you were having a bad day, it was freezing, you were knacked and just wanted someone to care enough to give you a lift, when you have care enough to give them lifts when needed. That they should feel bloody guilty but you don't want to discuss any further as you have had it for tonight and you need to time to reflect on it for when they ask for lifts in the future, but for now you are getting some dinner and going to bed to warm up.

I lived at home until around you age and family, regardless of how much you love them, become really difficult to live with as you get older - hope you manage to find an exit strategy soon.

I think this is where families can be very different really. I would happily have, and have previously, jumped in the car to drive 15 mins to pick any member of family up, any of my family members would and have done the same without complaint, it’s just what we do. My husband’s parents on the other hand would have acted as though he had asked them to sacrifice a limb and refused, despite the fact that they used to expect him to drop everything to taxi them around at all days & times.