To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

Wow do parents actually speak like this to their kids? Regardless of your age. Wouldn’t any parent try help their child if they can? I’m 43 and my mum still makes sure she takes care of me when she’s around. She’s the selfish one

Me too. My eldest is 20. Happily went to get her at 3am in the morning recently as she got stranded after an Oasis concert and missed the last train back to her uni digs. 35min journey each way and brought her home.

I was pleased that she called me and her dad, rather than walk in the dark, rain, and alone for 2hours across London. She will always be my daughter. I’d do the same for my son. And my husband (have done similar for him recently too, in my PJs at midnight thanks to cancelled trains). It’s what you do for the people you love and you hope they’ll pay it forward when they have kids/partner.

Yes, I know it’s a bit of a pain, but no OP you were NBU to call and ask.

Not unreasonable of you to ask. They could have just said no sorry, we’re in pyjamas and left it at that. The guilt tripping and calling you selfish is out of order, they haven’t been forced.

Meanwhile in the real world...

And how is she dependent on her way back from work, presumably where she earns a salary? With a car she runs them around in.

I hope you got home safe. My Mum used to do the exact same to me, I thought it was the norm to be honest, so it’s actually quite healing reading everyone’s responses.

I asked my parents if I could get a lift to work as my car wouldn't start, they were more than happy to and rushed out to help (45 mun round trip) this was about half 8 and they are in their early 70's!
I'd do the same for my daughter and have done many times as an adult, coat over PJ's and job done, no matter what the time.

I think pathetic is a strong word and unnecessary but I agree and I am quite surprised by these replies.

I would not ask or think to pick someone up if the bus was only 45mins delayed.

I would walk to the nearest shop and back to keep warm if I was cold.

Perhaps it depends on where you live.
Where I live it’s very normal to wait an hour for the next bus but I know some areas only have to wait 10/15mins.

Somehow, the whole thing struck me as casually cruel

So you messaged them at 7 and will be lucky to get home by 9.

just remember how ‘selfish’ you are next time they ask you.

Shes being mean and selfish. I'd regularly pick my dd up if buses are running late, she has a child to get home to, I'd throw a coat over my pj's if I'm already changed. I even volunteered to drop my grand daughter an hour and a half away and collect the following day so she could have a sleep over with her cousin, dd doesn't drive. If no one else is willing to inconvenience themselves for you then stop doing it for them.

I hope you replied ‘so is that a no?’ And remember in the future that lifts are only ever provided when convenient. It wouldn’t be convenient for me next time they asked. Pyjamas is such a non issue.

But that’s very different.

You couldn’t get to work or would have been very late.
Most people would have given a lift in these circumstances.

OP would only have had to wait 45mins.
It’s not that she couldn’t get home.

Their response was rude though.

I remember calling my parents from a pay phone at about 11 years old and asking for a lift up the hill (5 mins in the mid afternoon) because I’d been swimming in rivers all day and was exhausted to do the mile long walk up a hill to get home. I was told swiftly to bugger off as they are ‘not a taxi’ and I don’t think I ever asked them for a lift again.

We used to do this all the time for DD when she lived with us. And she rarely asked! One New Year, she was supposed to be staying in our flat in London, but she texted and said the crowds were so bad she couldn’t get near the tube, and as she was near Paddington, she’d head home after all, and get a taxi from the station. Taxi driver refused to take her as he said she could walk it. She texted us to say she was walking back from the station, we told her to wait, jumped in the car and collected her. It’s what family do.

I live in a place where usually the buses are every 12 minutes. The traffic is just awful. There isn’t a shop along the road the buses run along (a seaside road that is very open and exposed), I would’ve had to have walked for nearly an hour to hit a shop. Even then, most close at 5. I asked because I knew I could get on a bus to a town halfway, and from there it would be a 15 minute drive. I’d have been home an hour ago if they’d said yes. As it goes I’m still on the bus, freezing and hungry.

Hope you get home safely, and then use up all the hot water and eat the last of the biscuits

Well you know what to do the next time they need a lift!

Maybe they’ve had a drink and don’t want to drive?

Very mean! I pick DS up in my pyjamas all the time! I don’t understand parents like this. If I called my dad now and asked him to pick me up he’d come, and I don’t live at home!

So, on one hand, as a seasoned London commuter, a delay of 45 mins is so commonplace, it wouldn't have occurred to me to call anyone expecting a lift, I'd just grab a hot coffee and carry on with my life. However, if any of my young adult childten called asking for a lift in that situation, I'd do it without hesitation (well more likely I'd tell DH to do it )

your parents are the selfish ones. especially in this stormy weather when you never ask for things

probably manipulate other things too in order to try and guilt trip you. it’s not nice and it’s not normal. your mum sounds like a narcissist.

do you pay a lot of rent to them? if you do think twice about whether it’s tooo much or not. wouldn’t surprise me if your mum is ripping you off too. or maybe im just being nasty but she started it….

I don't drive and my children are too young atm but I would have sent them a tenner for an Uber. It's been freezing where I am today though and I can't stand the cold lol. Hope you got home okay.

Dh picks adults Ds who lives at home up at 2am because he loves him, gets out of bed to go and collect him. This happens about 6 times a year. Ds is a fantastic man, loving and giving and he would absolutely do the same for us. Dh does this because his Dad never drove him anywhere, ever despite having a car.

You might want to rethink all those lifts you give your family especially your Dad and his golf.

This made me feel really sad OP. There’s not a chance in hell I wouldn’t pick up my adult children in this situation. ( unless I’d had a glass of wine- is that an explanation of their miserableness?)

This
Exactly.