To have asked my parents for a lift home?

[coldabdtired]

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

No it's not.

I find it quite strange that you've called people odd and likened posters to "dogs with a rat". Then suggested that the OPs mum could have been much kinder.

I understand why your parent's answer would annoy you. You expected a lift half way home instead of leaving you cold and hungry waiting for a bus an hour away. I get it, I have 2 adult sons that can always count on me on an emergency - a cancelled bus and waiting for the next one, while freezing your socks off, it's not an emergency.

You drive and want to save money on parking by taking the bus. You are also 25 y.o living at home because it's best for you financially. Expect your parents treating you like an adult when you seem to have a good grasp on what's best for you with money,

YANBU and it wasn’t cheeky to ask!

Next time they ask I’d be saying no. How mean of them

I don’t save doing my family a favour for an emergency - sometimes it’s just being kind. I had parents like you and others - it was extraordinary to me when I started dating DH that actually, not everyone was so mean spirited.

@EINSEINSNULLis like a dog with a bone! Why are you picking apart the OP’s life?!

The bottom line is - the issue does need to be resolved in some way. All the OP needs to do is ask her mum why she called her selfish for asking for a lift. I personally wouldn't have put a message in a group chat - Id have phoned. The mum might have reacted in a different way if they actually had a conversation rather than a text message.

I assume the brother drives - well surely he can drive the dad to golf etc.

If the OP and her parents generally get on - there's no point in falling out over one lift - particularly if the OP isn't in a position to move out and is going to be living there for the foreseeable

The bigger issue is that the OP has a car that they can't drive due to costs and is doing a four hour almost round trip to work on public transport

It's not sustainable. I've done it in more than one job. I don't drive and I found it hard to get work in my home town but it's miserable particularly in the winter doing that kind of commute when you are reliant on public transport.

The OP has said its not feasible to move out due to rent costs and bills. They could possibly look at renting a room nearer work with bills and council tax included. (I don't mean right now this minute - but if they are planning to stay with their parents longer issues like this are going to crop up from time to time).

Maybe they are just of the view that if the OP is going to move on from this there needs to be some dialogue going forward to try and resolve this. At the moment it's been pages and pages of terrible awful bad parents -when their parents might actually not be terrible at all.

I've seen comments on this thread to the effect of - start looking for nursing homes - all over one lift home from work

Context matters surely - and there's not enough context for anyone on here to know whether the OPs parents are generally supportive or unsupportive towards them.

As soon as the discussion started the OP said they gave lifts to the dad and the brother often in the middle of the night - the brother is taking the mick and it shouldn't take someone not giving you a lift home to realise that someone is using you

The mum called the daughter selfish - there's obviously issues on both sides that need to be spoken about - because if you are living under someone else's roof and you aren't in a position to move out any time soon you don't want there to be an atmosphere and resentment festering away - no matter what the underlying reasons are.

You have no idea what I've done for my kids, so quit calling me mean spirited.

The OP has made very clear she's living at home because it's financially beneficial to her. Just like she's made clear she doesn't drive because parking is too expensive, or didn't want to call a cab for the same reason. Read her posts.

She didn't deal with a cancelled bus, being cold and hungry in anonymity like hundreds do every day, She posted her feelings in a public forum like MN.

ANYWAY.. @coldabdtired
I hope all is soon resolved, & you all have a lovely Christmas!

I absolutely agree there should be more social housing. And I certainly don't look down on people that use it: I grew up in a council house, and I raised my children in their early years in a council house.

So by the very fact that OP isn't in social housing, means that someone like me has a home that they would not otherwise have.

It's not a dig about your former situation, it's a dig at your attitude towards op's.

Your dig at me was completely uncalled for. My attitude towards OP-sorry no. They were crowing when someone else said I was entitled which is the last thing I am. Or ever was.

I can't be bothered with nasty spiteful digs. I made it quite clear that the housing scheme I lived in - I got my flat because no one wanted to live there. I deprived someone of nothing

Oh right so your nasty dig about me being very unhappy at my lot was just backing up the OP. No bother. Why don't you go and dig out everyone else on here who has disagreed with her - because if you don't - you're a hypocrite. Of the highest order.

What on earth does the OP not being in a council house have to do with you having a house that you wouldn't otherwise have. That's completely absurd. You don't live in the same area and why should there be the point of view that if someone stays at home with their parents it means other people can benefit?

Should she still live with her parents at 35 just so someone can get a council house? There should be enough social housing for everyone who needs it

And as for looking down on people in council housing. It's just bricks and mortar. I live in an area where some people are in council housing and others have bought them - and no one can tell the difference

I don't care if you look down on me for living in a council house. I care about your completely unnecessary digs at me. I hope that clarifies

I literally can't believe the hate you are getting. I would be peed off too. Time for you to stop being so available when they need lifts!!

I'm sorry Roobarbtwo, but if my 'dig' is regarding my comment about being unhappy, nothing you are saying in your latest post makes me think otherwise.

People generally don't react like you have if life is good. You have, potentially deliberately, misconstrued much of the little I have said on this thread.

Your response is frankly absurd. For example, I didn't say I wouldn't have a house, I said someone like me.

And you still seem to suggest that I look down on people that live in council houses, which given my post makes no sense.

Continue to attack me though, I have no issue with that. It takes the focus off op, which can only be a good thing. She's had enough nonsensical negativity thrown at her on this thread already, by numerous people.

Attack you - oh no. Let's not re write history here. You're the person that made a nasty snide dig at me for no reason

People don't react like me if life is good yes? Well what's your excuse?

Well five years ago my life was in the absolute bin. I was gang stalked for fifteen months. Death threats. Photos of my house going online. Packages sent to my house. Hate twitter accounts dedicated to me. Doxxed multiple times. People threatening to come and find me and harm me. Complete strangers

Police did nothing for me. I have ptsd. My mum thought she was going to lose me - but despite that I went back to uni and got a two one in criminology and sociology. My life is very good thanks compared to what it was 7 years ago.

And do you know what? You've only made snide digs at me on here -no one else. That's a flaw on you. No one else

I don't CARE what you think about my life - you don't even know me. My point is you picked me out -no one else

What's the saying - if you can't take it back - don't dish it out.

Don't respond to me again - you touched a very raw nerve -and you don't know the half. I can assure you of that.

I haven't made any snide digs. I have made an observation, which you appear to have confirmed as accurate.

I'm very sorry for what you have been through. Truly. And I'm very sorry that my observation has elicited such a strong reaction from you. I hope that things improve for you.

I didn't 'pick on you', I was responding specifically to something you said. Yes, there are others I could have responded to, but I don't have time to go into every comment made on this thread. And my observation would definitely fit more than one poster on here. The reason I responded to you rather than others was not personal. I don't know you, how could it be? It was mainly because it was one of the last comments that, in my opinion, was being unreasonably critical of the op, who had already had too much negativity thrown at her for just because she asked for a lift if possible.

It should be okay, in my opinion, and in fact encouraged, to support each other, and to be able to ask for support when it's needed. We need more community, not less. We need more acceptance of differences, not criticism for not being the same.

I think it's perfectly ok that op lives with her parents. I think it's perfectly ok that you lived in a council house.

What I don't think is ok is to criticise someone else's choices because it's not what you would have chosen, or maybe because that choice was not available.

I wish you peace and happiness.

Do you work outside, OP? Or just had to wait in the cold for the bus?

Maybe some posters should RTFT.
Maybe others should stop hijacking & go outside for a punch-up instead of arguing here.. ;-)

I think the point is that at 16 you had no aspiration or expectation that you might buy your own home. I think that does indicate that a way of life.

A majority of people don’t think like that at 16.

You aren’t unreasonable to ask for a lift. I’m sorry your family have been awful. I’d stop doing things for them. No drama. No conversation. Just pull back and treat them how they treat you.

Tbh you only had to wait 45 minutes longer. I wouldn’t have even asked for a lift if I was running over by that amount however, make sure you’re busy next time someone asks for a lift

YANBU. I’m 40, I had to return a courtesy car and needed a lift home. I messaged my parents, I don’t live at home, at 7:30 on a Saturday morning to ask if they could pick me up and take me back to my house and without hesitation my dad was with me by 8am. My parents are similar age. Sorry that happened to you.

I live in the north of England and this is entirely possible. Buses can break down and you have to wait ages. Sometimes they go down to one an hour and if it misses - well you’re fooked.