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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m pregnant and sister won’t support me

246 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 10/12/2025 18:33

I’m expecting my second baby in Jan and this pregnancy has been utterly awful - I’ve had HG where I was signed off work, it ruined the summer, I lost weight and had to go to hospital for drips. Second trimester I was back at work but still being sick in and out of my lessons (I’m a teacher). Entering third trimester has me signed off again with agonising back and hip pain and I’m on crutches (also anaemia, sick from acid reflux most nights). I have support from a perinatal team but ultimately I just have to get through this which seems impossible right now.

sister part - I have two older sisters, the eldest being 43, single and without children. It is all she wants in life according to her. Both my other sister and me have children already which stings for her - when she met my now 3 year old as a newborn while I was recovering from a very painful c section she had to go into another room to cry.

as a result, her life is mainly about her job - she talks about it a lot and can get quite obsessive. When we do speak to each other it is often about her job and never about mine or my pregnancy. I know all her office politics and key names but she knows nothing of mine.

I got a little fed up of this and decided to stop calling her (it was always me ringing her) to see if she would call me. After about two and a half weeks she did and I just got really cross with her. Told her that the relationship was really one sided, that it’s unfair that I listen to her about her job and she barely asks me about mine. Pointed out that I was having an awful pregnancy and she had never checked in with me about it. She said that the pregnancy thing was her issue and not mine, but it’s quite hard to not take it personally?!

we haven’t spoken since (October) and in that time I have been signed off again, crutches and mental health taken an absolute battering. I also compare her treatment of me to my other sister and think she lets other sister get away with things she wouldn’t with me.

im sure I’ll get roasted (or maybe not) but AIBU to expect my sister to send a text to just check in on how I am? If it were the other way round I would 💯 check in on her even if we were at loggerheads.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 10/12/2025 18:36

Honestly you both sound prickly
maybe things will settle down when you’ve had the baby
do you have a partner? She’s kind of right that it’s your decision to have a baby and actually HG is horrible and debilitating but what can she do to support you?
texts don’t do anything
don’t write off how shit she feels and her chatting about her job is a big defence mechanism

SwanRivers · 10/12/2025 18:38

You sound a bit tone deaf if I'm honest, given the fact she sounds desperate for DC of her own.

Overthebow · 10/12/2025 18:39

She doesn’t want to talk about your pregnancy as she desperately wants a child and it hasn’t happened for her.

RinsedCrispies · 10/12/2025 18:40

It would be nice of her to check in and contribute something to the relationship.

But if she’s at the point where she’s going off to cry at seeing your newborn, then YABU to expect her to be the person to support you.

Is there anyone else you can depend on for emotional support? It really doesn’t seem like she’s in the headspace to hear about your pregnancy, or perhaps she’s just not the best support person.

Edit: It’s not clear. Is ‘all she wants in life’ children, or her current life/job? Because if she’s desperate for children, YAB Extremely U.

Nevernonono · 10/12/2025 18:40

I think you need to understand in her mind she’d probably walk over hot coals to have a baby,

She thinks she’d never complain about pregnancy or birth, she maybe would but that’s what she thinks given she can’t conceive.

MyNeedyLilacBird · 10/12/2025 18:42

YABVU- poor woman desperately wants children! There is obviously a very obvious reason as to why she doesn't want to discuss your pregnancy

Ponderingwindow · 10/12/2025 18:42

I had HG too and I know just how awful it is, but I think you are being unfair.

On the way to that very wanted, but miserable pregnancy, I battled infertility.

when someone is dealing with infertility or other significant barriers to parenthood, being around pregnancy and babies can be incredibly painful. The graceful thing to do is to step away and make some emotional distance instead of letting the grief and pain interfere with the person’s joy.

pambeesleyhalpert · 10/12/2025 18:42

YABVVU- your poor sister and you’re just woe is me. Get your partner to support you fgs

OnTheNiceishList · 10/12/2025 18:43

I had awful fertility problems whilst my friends all had 3 DC each right under my nose. I was still able to be happy for them.

I’d just leave her be. If she calls, she calls. You don’t rely on her so drop the rope.

cestlavielife · 10/12/2025 18:43

Your pregnancy is not your sister's problem. Especially when she finding it tricky to conceive.
Lean on your partner.

SwanRivers · 10/12/2025 18:44

Also, why are you trying to beat support out of your sister when you have a DP and another sister to support you?

snoopythebeagle · 10/12/2025 18:45

You sound very tone deaf and oblivious to how your sister is feeling.

27pilates · 10/12/2025 18:45

I think other posters are really harsh. I’d be disappointed in her too OP. You’re really poorly (albeit it is pregnancy-related) and she doesn’t give a shit seemingly. Would she support you with another type of debilitating health-condition ?

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2025 18:45

Crikey op have a bit of empathy. Describing her wanting kids 'something that stings her' is minimising. She sounds like she is having a hard time realising kids probably not on the cards at 43, chuck in possible peri menopause.

2018citrine · 10/12/2025 18:47

She is not the person to lean on about pregnancy woes. Have a bit of empathy. I say that as someone who had HG and bad PGP with my second. You have other people to lean on and you are in the final stretch of your pregnancy now, there's an end in sight and you will have a baby at the end of it. There may be no end in sight for her pain by the sound of it.

devildeepbluesea · 10/12/2025 18:47

You have no idea how you’d feel if it were the other way round.

CherrieTomaties · 10/12/2025 18:48

when she met my now 3 year old as a newborn while I was recovering from a very painful c section she had to go into another room to cry.

This is so sad.

She probably feels like a failure (although she shouldn’t and no woman should feel that way). But if a family is all she wants and it hasn’t happened for her, I can’t imagine how hard it is.

What support would you like from her? As you havnt really clarified what it is that you actually want from her.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 10/12/2025 18:48

when she met my now 3 year old as a newborn while I was recovering from a very painful c section she had to go into another room to cry.

What has your painful C section got to do with this sentence? You’re not equating that with your sisters pain of infertility?!!

Xmascraker · 10/12/2025 18:49

You are being very mean. Infertility is horrendous and unless you've experienced it, you can never understand it.

Purplebunnie · 10/12/2025 18:49

I think you are being a little unkind to your sister. She is desperate for a child and you didn't like that she took her emotions into another room and had a cry because you had had a C-section. !t all seems to be about you and I think you are lacking in empathy and perhaps if your sister was on here we would be hearing a different side to the story

Sorry you have been ill but I think some sympathy from you to your sister would be nice

BettysRoasties · 10/12/2025 18:50

You’re asking the wrong person she’s clearly got her issues around pregnancy and babies as you well know.

You want her to support and help you with the one thing she wants and doesn’t have. Then get mad at her when she can’t.

Your partner needs to be your support, your sister with children a person to discuss pregnancy things with.

Viviennemary · 10/12/2025 18:50

Just leave her to it. You both sound hard work tbh.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 10/12/2025 18:52

Oh I feel sorry for her.

I know you're having a rough time but listening to you moaning about your pregnancy must be so painful for her when it's all she wants.

RightSheSaid · 10/12/2025 18:53

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Astrial · 10/12/2025 18:53

Sibling relationships are hard. You both want something from the other here that you spent getting, and you're not in a position to be properly honest with each other. Add that onto a lifetime of emotional baggage, pushing each others buttons and normal sibling rivalry ancient history and probably some space is best for each of you. Try not to be hurt by it - you can find each other again when times are a bit less hard, but at the moment, neither of you are the right person to support the other emotionally!

There is very little worse than hearing about a rough pregnancy when you desperately want your iwn, and would LOVE it, HG and all!

She wants validation that her job and life situation are still meaningful and valuable. She talks about it all the time because she wants to hear her situation is okay and children aren't everything.

I've had a crap pregnancy, I know how hard it is, you're not unreasonable to want support from your sister, but in this case, neither is she unreasonable to try to protect herself by keeping a distance, when youre not able to give her support. Find someone else to give you tlc.