To expect financial support from my husband

[PoisedUmberCrab]

….during mat leave.

background - just finished mat leave with
DC2. Situation was the same with DC1.

both work full time typically and contribute 50/50 towards mortgage, bills and all other expenses.

during mat leave my salary was 46% of what I usually earn (ie less than half). DH expected me to continue paying 50% of mortgage, bills expenses. His rationale is that he was not earning any more than usual.

this has left me in a hard position financially whereby I borrowed from my family to get by.

AIBU to think that he should have increased his contributions whilst I was earning significantly less than usual (and looking after our child on mat leave for a year).

50/50 split as married surely?

Don’t forget that you each own 50% of each others pension pots - I bet his is rammed full.

Also you will own 50% of his Ltd Co. and all it’s assets (including cash in it’s bank which will be siginificant), but obviously any company liabilities (debts/creditors) will be taken into account too.

He lies. Don’t screw your children over for the sake of an amicable that disappears the instant you stand up for their well being or yourself. Amicable isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. Get legal support and fight to get the money you can from him, to bring up your children solo. Don’t back down because he says so, they might be his children but they aren’t his priority so they have to be yours.

I assume they’re his kids?! Do you have to pay 100% for his kids. Suggest you put them into full time childcare and you go halves on that I’m sure he’d change his mind but I’d seriously consider leaving him what a selfish prick.

Your DH is a complete prick - please divorce this sad, pathetic excuse of a man!! Get a good solicitor do not agree to anything further.

I sometimes read these posts and think NO this cannot be real, surely the poster knows they are not being unreasonable!!!! This is one of those posts!!! Your husband is being an arsehole. Your pay should not have been 54% less during mat leave as he should have subsidised you for 27% meaning you both should have been on 73% of your full salary during that period. Anything less is complete financial abuse. I am actually gobsmacked. You need to dump this dickhead in the gutter where he belongs! I’m actually furious for you!

Make sure to present him with a suitable bill for gestating and birthing his offspring.

It’s not true that there’s no payments with 50-50 there can be

In a true 50-50 situation where care is equal, there is no payments. That is very clear on the CMS website. There were two very active threads on this topic when the OP believed that her proportionally lower income and what she believed to be slightly more parenting work would entitle her to maintenance. OP was good enough to continue to update the thread as the situation progressed. It did not end well for her.

Yes but as has been pointed out, there is maintenance, and then there is a separate question of asset division.

You should have a joint pot, but I can’t believe you had another child with him!

I just don’t get this at all - why isn’t everything shared? You are life partners after all and parents too! So old fashioned.
He sounds awful - perhaps he should pay you huge sums for bearing his children!!

YANBU Op. I assumed it was expected anyway that after marriage a man provides for his wife and any children they have.

Well done. Youve made the right choice for you and your children. It will get better!

Didn’t end well for her what happened? Was she beheaded? Ffs. It’s always worth asking the question, The child maintenance service is so incompetent it could go either way

Firstly, a huge well done for hitting that button. That must have taken a lot of strength even with the support of thousands on Mumsnet.

Have you told your family and suitable friends who can support you to find a good lawyer and emotionally support you through this?

Someone will be along any minute with a long list of stuff you need to locate and get copies of.

You said this earlier "I wouldn’t want to be greedy / difficult in case he uses the kids against me (my biggest fear)." I think you should anticipate that he will definitely do this because he is abusive and he will use this as a negotiation tactic. Not because he wants the kids, but because he wants to abuse you.

You will need your very best poker face. Irrespective of what you think is reasonable to ask for and what your solicitor advises you should get, you need to plan tactics and ask for more*. That way when you concede something you didn't particularly want in the first place, he will walk away thinking he's won and hopefully bugger off out of your life as much as possible.

*find every example you can think of where he didn't support you and financially abused you.

Sorry - I have no advice. You should never have married this man but it’s too late now.

Edit: I see you have left - WELL DONE!

Yep I bet he didn’t!

Send him an invoice now for your time looking after his child. I’m not joking literally create a realistically costed invoice. FFS this stuff makes me incensed.

You had to borrow money from family, while he was financially fine??!! That's financial abuse. You both created the baby. You both pay for it. END OF.

And when I say you both pay for it, I mean that the calculation has to include the fact that you taking time off work to look after the baby had a direct impact on your earning capacity, and that impact has to be shared. Absolute bastard.

OP should of done this after her 1st baby. This is finicial abuse OP. What do your family think?

Leave him and claim CMS.

These types always threaten to go for 50/50 custody, they never bother with it. What a fucking mean minded prick - I read this so many times on here.
Take him for everything you can.

i hope you haven't agreed to that on paper anywhere or via email or text.

Good grief - what a dreadful man! He thinks that the financial responsibility of caring for two babies should fall entirely on you and that his income should be entirely unaffected? I do hope that you finally click that 'divorce' button and allow the courts to explain to him what his actual obligations are.