To expect financial support from my husband

[PoisedUmberCrab]

….during mat leave.

background - just finished mat leave with
DC2. Situation was the same with DC1.

both work full time typically and contribute 50/50 towards mortgage, bills and all other expenses.

during mat leave my salary was 46% of what I usually earn (ie less than half). DH expected me to continue paying 50% of mortgage, bills expenses. His rationale is that he was not earning any more than usual.

this has left me in a hard position financially whereby I borrowed from my family to get by.

AIBU to think that he should have increased his contributions whilst I was earning significantly less than usual (and looking after our child on mat leave for a year).

Well tell him no that isn’t happening he should have ringfenced his deposit

just hit the button OP

Well he can fuck right off with that ‘expectation’. None of that is likely

He sounds like a child rationalising his behaviour by saying everyone else he knows behaves that way.

I’m usually not one to support LTB but this is horrible. Who treats their wife like that?

They do say 'birds of a feather flock together', so he might be right. There are many shameless men like him to be found on here too.

WTAF? No. No. No.

DH and I combined our finances and bank accounts when we married. When I was on maternity leave with DD1 I just spent whatever I needed/wanted out of the joint account and on the joint credit. Never even occurred to me to do anything else? Did exactly the same when I had DD2.

I've never earned anywhere near as much as DH but he's never once questioned or queried what I spend. If he did then I simply wouldn't still be with him. He knows I don't run amok with our money (well not very often).

If you're doing 50% of the finances is he doing 50% of childcare?

You need to speak to a solicitor, OP. I don't think your DH's plan holds much water...

Yeah, he's going to regret being a stingy husband.

My disabled sister was only married for 2 years, contributed all of the deposit, had paid off most of the mortgage herself and still had to give her ex-husband 40%

Please do your homework and get a family solicitor involved to ensure you get a financial consent order that reflects your needs.

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies
• Family solicitor websites.

Gather ALL financial documentation - banks, investments, P60s, tax returns, pensions, house deeds, mortgage… everything - and see an experienced family solicitor. Also have a look at Form E.

BTW OP, if he runs his own company you'll need a forensic accountant as well.

You’re not u reasonable, mine is the same though. Just that I had zero during mat leave due to being self-employed. Be prepared that this will continue and your resentment will grow. I’m back to work now but our little one brings home every nursery bug there is and it’s always me who has to take time off, plus drop offs and pick ups, I’m at 30% of what I’ve earned before and still pay 50/50. Better have a conversation now about these things.

Yeah, I wish him luck with that one. You're married and your name is on the mortgage. Unless he's ring fenced his deposit then you are legally entitled to 50%.

So fuck him. Fuck him and shake him off the sole of your shoes like the dog shit that he is, and sashay on into a better future without him.

Bollocks, this is just bollocks. We just operated a joint pot system. It always amazes me this happens, mumsnet is the only place I’ve seen this absolute nonsense during maternity leave. It’s financially abusive.

Why on earth did you have another child with this tightfisted twat?

He’s taking the piss - it’s normal for married couples to pool finances for household expenses.

It is financial abuse - he’s a wanker

YANBU to expect him to contribute more. YABU to have had 2 children with him, this should've been sorted before the first one. Good luck for your future OP

100% - maybe I’m just lucky that my friends all had kids with decent men but I’ve never heard of anything like what I read on here.

Id say pooling financed in a shared account is absolutely the norm for a couple who live under same roof.

Jesus, are married people selfish these days? Being married means you work together, as a team. That includes money. OP, you shouldn't have had to borrow, your hubby has been an idiot and am sorry.

DC is his child as well. Who does he thinks going to stay at home on maternity leave? It's really awful of him to treat you this way. Does he make his contribution towards DCs, at least? Having to borrow from your family must be so difficult for you.

does he only know financially abusive men @PoisedUmberCrab ? sounds like it..make sure you reclaim all the costs he didn’t pay in the divorce.

He created a child he swallows part of the reduction in your earning power, or how about he goes ok maternity leave stays home all day, does everything and stops to 46% pay whilst still paying half of everything…

Hmmm? Nope? What was that ‘D’H? You don’t think that’s fair….???

He thinks I should have saved harder before going on maternity leave!

Oh submit it, OP.

Submit live you’ve never submitted before. More than he clearly wishes you to submit to him.

How much parenting does he do?

You may find he will find a loophole about paying CMS if he gets paid via dividends

You need to get your ducks in a row - he’ll be calculating his settlement based on the tiny paye salary he takes from his company, not his real income.

perhaps he should have saved harder and been a decent provider for his share of the dc related costs…

This scenario seems to be a regular feature on Mumsnet. Wife has baby, husband expects her to support herself and child. Is this how modern marriage works? Call me old fashioned but what the actual fuck!