To expect financial support from my husband

[PoisedUmberCrab]

….during mat leave.

background - just finished mat leave with
DC2. Situation was the same with DC1.

both work full time typically and contribute 50/50 towards mortgage, bills and all other expenses.

during mat leave my salary was 46% of what I usually earn (ie less than half). DH expected me to continue paying 50% of mortgage, bills expenses. His rationale is that he was not earning any more than usual.

this has left me in a hard position financially whereby I borrowed from my family to get by.

AIBU to think that he should have increased his contributions whilst I was earning significantly less than usual (and looking after our child on mat leave for a year).

He's definitely a shitty twat isn't he! I was redundant for 4.5 months last year and my partner didn't expect to find money I didn't have or borrow it from people.
It just seems a bit frustrating that a second baby has come along when the relationship wasn't in a good place.

Sounds like she has family to go to though, as theyve been supporting her

Otherwise she may have to figure things out another way. But staying with this useless lump of shite really isnt an option here imo xx

No I agree, reading through the OPs posts he is quite sinister sounding! Doesn't seem to really care about his kids either!

I see too many MN threads like this where the partner becomes an arse after a baby is born and a mum is left having to up and move with little ones in tow, I really feel for them xx

Agree you should have joint finances really if you’re married. What does he do with the money he had left after bills? Is it family money or does he pop it in a savings account in his name only?

Me too 🥺, op deserves better

Too many men are like this, they have a goal in mind and are happy to pretend to be loving until they get the kids they want! Nasty xx

Honestly, the younger they are the easier it is on them.

I hate when people do this on MN. Husband acts like an arsehole and someone comes along to tell OP that they're as bad as each other.

Doesn't work like that. My dad had 40% deposit contribuation and his horrible gf 60%, years later after paying 50/50 of mortgage she still claims to own 60% but it actually worked out as 51% her and 49% him after they get their deposits back. I actually took an extra yr off to be with my son as nursery was same as my salary, my husbands salary therefore pays for all and it all goes into our joint account no questions asked, as it should.

You're a team.

I am so shocked at men who do this! You have carried & birthed his children & all that that entails & he is happy to let you get into debt while taking time off looking after those children! That is not the behaviour if a good man! Please make sure you start accumulating savings of your own as soon as you possibly can OP. He’s not a keeper.

@PoisedUmberCrab but he was living off joint savings because you’re married. There is no ‘he lived off his savings and you should have lived off of yours’. plus you’ve got two mat leaves.

if you actually had separate finances, AND weren’t married, he’d have had to pay you money during mat leave as that’s what happens in European countries when people aren’t married…

you do seem confused - and you need to fight for the best deal for your children. You’ve had two mat leaves..

Has your husband paid you for all the childcare you provided him with while on maternity leave that enabled him to continue to go to work and earn his full salary?

We pay our bills proportionately to what we earn since having children

It's more important to be on the house deeds!

What European countries does that happen in?

If you are married why th children especially it doesn’t matter. The matrimonial home is matrimonial property

Belgium, Sweden - I’m sure cohabiting couples do that here too, because it isn't fair if one person loses wages for a shared cause.

If my DD came to me and asked for money to pay the mortgage whilst on mat leave because her DH wouldn’t contribute more, I’d be straight round to him and ask when the heck he was playing at!
All income is family income, all expenditure comes out of family income.
OP, if your DH is being a dick about family finances, then send him a weekly invoice for the cost of producing a child for him!

This!

Absolutely!

His rationale was that he was not warning any more. But you were earning significantly less. I'd be charging him for the childcare. What an asshole.

Is iit the law in these countries?

Bill him arrears for childcare!

I don’t know @Hollyhobbi and I don’t think that’s especially the point - you can research it. I have been told it’s the social norm.

Wish it was the norm here in Ireland!

Agreed - it should just be common sense everywhere that a baby and all resulting costs are shared.

These comments always make me laugh because they’re so ridiculous
When you get divorced and you stand in front of a judge and say that you’ve been raising the children for 10 years and that’s why your name isn’t on the Mortgage, they laughing in your face

One woman had actually an agreement with her ex that she would pay for everything else house and child related and he would just cover the mortgage and the judge told her that she was not equally responsible for the assets acquired just because she’d done a few Sainsbury’s shops I shit you know that was his exact quote.

The implication is if you’ve raised the children you’ve sat on your arse doing fuck all for 10 years.
Nobody sees childcare as a valuable contribution anymore, Women need to wake up and realise that it’s your kid your problem.
Bear in mind before having one