Page 18 | To expect financial support from my husband

PoisedUmberCrab · 2025-12-09T17:40:49+00:00

….during mat leave. background - just finished mat leave with DC2. Situation was the same with DC1. both work full time typically and contribute 50/50 towards mortgage, bills and all other expenses. during mat leave my salary was 46% of what I usually earn (ie less than half). DH expected me to continue paying 50% of mortgage, bills expenses. His rationale is that he was not earning any more than usual. this has left me in a hard position financially whereby I borrowed from my family to get by. AIBU to think that he should have increased his contributions whilst I was earning significantly less than usual (and looking after our child on mat leave for a year).

whitewinefriday · 14/12/2025 15:16

The implication is if you’ve raised the children you’ve sat on your arse doing fuck all for 10 years.
Nobody sees childcare as a valuable contribution anymore, Women need to wake up and realise that it’s your kid your problem.
Bear in mind before having one

Thats atrocious, I didn’t realise the courts saw it like that

InterestedDad37 · 14/12/2025 15:37

PoisedUmberCrab · 09/12/2025 17:52

Thanks all. Apparently everyone he knows doesn’t contribute extra towards their wives/partner’s portion of the bills.

we earn similar amounts however he has a company whereby he takes dividends rather than a regular wage.

divorce is on the horizon for a host of similar reasons (I expect you get a gist of how he is / what a muppet I have been to date). Online form complete, it’s just growing a pair and finally clicking the “submit to court” button, without effectively ruining my young children’s lives.

Good luck, he sounds like a total arse
👍

laurajayneinkent · 16/12/2025 10:32

WTAF??
When I had 2 children with my husband and he was the stay at home dad twice (for 2-3 years each time) I paid for everything, and all money we had was in a joint account that he could use anytime he liked. Because marriage is a partnership and children belong to both parents. Childcare (and cooking/housework etc) are just as valuable as bringing in the income. Why get married and/or have kids if you are not both in it together? In my mind (and I know some people will disagree with me) all income and all outgoings belong to the family unit, not to one person.

kittywittyandpretty · 16/12/2025 10:44

whitewinefriday · 14/12/2025 15:16

The implication is if you’ve raised the children you’ve sat on your arse doing fuck all for 10 years.
Nobody sees childcare as a valuable contribution anymore, Women need to wake up and realise that it’s your kid your problem.
Bear in mind before having one

Thats atrocious, I didn’t realise the courts saw it like that

I feel we’ve got massively backwards.
At least in the 70s and 80s it was acknowledged that you were in a worst position as a result of having children, That you needed the protection of marriage And the division of assets reflected that

Now it is expected that you will have worked full-time alongside raising the children and therefore if you have not done that you have disadvantage yourself. And only have yourself to blame for your lack of earning ability having been out of the workforce, Lack of tangible assets if everything is in his name, Pensions particularly fall into that category.

And the house will be split 50-50 because he has as much right to suitable accommodation as you have, Even if you’ve got the children most of the time. Again that stated over and over on mumsnet, it’s important people realise this.

whitewinefriday · 16/12/2025 11:03

kittywittyandpretty · 16/12/2025 10:44

I feel we’ve got massively backwards.
At least in the 70s and 80s it was acknowledged that you were in a worst position as a result of having children, That you needed the protection of marriage And the division of assets reflected that

Now it is expected that you will have worked full-time alongside raising the children and therefore if you have not done that you have disadvantage yourself. And only have yourself to blame for your lack of earning ability having been out of the workforce, Lack of tangible assets if everything is in his name, Pensions particularly fall into that category.

And the house will be split 50-50 because he has as much right to suitable accommodation as you have, Even if you’ve got the children most of the time. Again that stated over and over on mumsnet, it’s important people realise this.

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This is so true. how on earth did this happen? Equality is one thing, but biology hasn't changed and until men are having babies women should surely be given some recognition for what they're doing?!

Gossipisgood · 17/12/2025 13:06

Tell him you can't afford to be on maternity leave if he's not willing to chip in more. When he realises he'll then have to pay towards childcare if you return to work earlier, which is very expensive, it may have him rethink things. Or ask him to take paternity leave so you can return to work quicker & when his earnings drop don't offer to chip in extra see how he likes it. He should be supporting you throughout your maternity leave not stressing you out about finances. He sounds very selfish & grabby where money is concerned & doesn't see you as his equal in the relationship.