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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
MrsVBS · 09/12/2025 16:36

It’s your ring, you paid for it, if she wanted it that badly she shouldn’t have sold it. Stick
to your guns and tell her you’re not discussing it further.

Epidote · 09/12/2025 16:42

ohthiscouldgetmessy · 09/12/2025 14:40

She sold the ring, that's where her story ends. You bought a lovely ring, that's where your story starts. End of.

100%

Dollymylove · 09/12/2025 16:43

No no no no nooooo!!
She's a massive CF
Its yours now!!

Justgorgeous · 09/12/2025 16:44

Sorry this has happened. It’s sad your brother has gone back. It’s your ring, keep it.

SockFluffInTheBath · 09/12/2025 16:50

She sold it. Someone bought it. If it had been someone outside the family who bought it would she doorstep them and expect to buy it from them for £100?

Viviennemary · 09/12/2025 16:51

The ring is now yours. Not hers. The same thing could happen again.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 09/12/2025 16:51

Don't keep it where she can find it. If she's that entitled ...

PeachySmile2 · 09/12/2025 16:54

The ring means nothing to her. She made that evident when she sold it the first time. She will end up selling it again for more money. Don’t give it back to her. Keep it in the bloodline.

OkWinifred · 09/12/2025 16:54

Absolutely no way would I let her get anywhere near it.

If she ever comes to your house, make sure you hide it very well!!

AbbieLexie · 09/12/2025 16:55

SIL gave up ownership of the ring when she sold it. The ring is yours - wear it with joy - your choice who you leave/gift it too.

fruitbrewhaha · 09/12/2025 16:55

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 14:34

I would out of sheer pettiness

Yeah this, wear it.

4forksache · 09/12/2025 16:57

No way Jose.

Even if your db wasn’t on board with it, no way would I be returning it.

Londonrach1 · 09/12/2025 16:58

It's your ring. Don't let her bully you. She only sell it again

SingingHedgehog · 09/12/2025 16:58

Your SIL sounds like a bully! The ring wasn’t so sentimental when she was pawning it for cash!! Get drunk at Christmas and tell her to F OFF!! Go on!! It’d feel really good!! Then blame it on the wine, obvs x

IAmKerplunk · 09/12/2025 16:59

Who the hell voted yabu?!

No op - the ring is yours. Treasure it, love it and pass it on to whomever you see fit

Needaglowup · 09/12/2025 16:59

💯 keep and your brother should have never gone back to her

SheinIsShite · 09/12/2025 17:04

She lost any right to the ring, ever, when she pawned it. That is just awful.

Knittedfairies2 · 09/12/2025 17:06

Selling the ring and wanting it back is the new 'have your cake and eat it too'. Of course it's your ring.

Dogmum1983 · 09/12/2025 17:07

She would sell it again , that’s almost certain . She probably knows the relationship isn’t very secure and she wants the ring before they split again .
Make sure it’s not kept somewhere she could find it coz she will definitely be looking for it .

godmum56 · 09/12/2025 17:09

why would you not keep it?

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 09/12/2025 17:10

Tell her you sold it... and then wear it in front of her and say "oh no, this is the new ring I bought with the money for the old ring...'

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 09/12/2025 17:11

Change all your sm names to FlashRingBitch....

FeralWoman · 09/12/2025 17:14

She can fuck off. It’s your ring now. Wear it in front of her every time. If it doesn’t fit your fingers get a necklace to wear it around your neck. Keep it safe from her grabby hands. She’d probably steal it from your house when visiting and deny all knowledge of it.

BennyHenny · 09/12/2025 17:15

I’d wear it to every family event she was at, she sounds hideous!

SatsumaDog · 09/12/2025 17:16

YANBU! There’s no way I would give it to her. She may well regret what she did, but she did a horrible and manipulative thing and tbh I would never forgive her for it. I probably would never speak to her again.