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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
StaySpicy · 09/12/2025 16:08

Fuck no, she doesn't get it. She sold it!! She can enjoy the money she got for it because she clearly favours that more than sentimental items. She can't claim sentimentality now. Cheeky fucker.

I think your plan of leaving it to your niece is perfect.

Put it away somewhere safe so should SIL go rooting around she won't ever find it. And enjoy keeping the heirloom in the family. SIL can wear whatever cheaper, less sentimental, ring your DB wishes to give her if he decides on another.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 09/12/2025 16:08

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 09/12/2025 14:34

You would be mad to give her it.

You would. The next time she has a strop, she could sell it again. And I assume next time it would be lost forever.

AnotherForumUser · 09/12/2025 16:11

OP you might want to get mumsnet to adjust the title. It's not her engagement ring now as she sold it (to force your brother's hand). Maybe To not give SIL our family heirloom that she sold to a pawnbroker and I had to buy back
But definitely YANBU. She sold her engagement ring not out of desperate need in but a spiteful way because she believed your brother should fund her wider family. It's not hers anymore and it's not up to your family to compensate because the spiteful madam now wants the ring back (and let's face it the greedy arsehole will sell it again given the slightest provocation when your brother refuses to pay for her family's shit).

myhaggisblewup · 09/12/2025 16:12

They will probably split up again at some point, unless things have totally changed. She sounds a complete cfer, her family aren't much better.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/12/2025 16:13

"I went and bought the ring"
And that is the end of it.

I might be an absolute bastard and tell her she can have it back for the £4k she sold it for, then when she scraped the money off her family tell her I'd changed my mind, it meant too much to me to risk her selling it again.

Fuck her.

Christmascaketime · 09/12/2025 16:13

Stop referring to it as her engagement ring.
It’s your ring you bought from a shop.
Next time she brings it up I’d say I bought a beautiful 1920s diamond ring from ‘quick cash pawn shop’ on 12th May 2022 with my money and have proof of payment and a receipt. Please don’t bring it up again I’m certainly not discussing this any further. Make sure it’s secure in case she attempts to steal it.

SpinningaCompass · 09/12/2025 16:14

ABsolutely 100% keep the ring. It's yours. You own it. And the fact your DB was stupid enough to reconcile with your SIL who spitefully sold it, knowing how much it meant to your family, means she should never be allowed near it again. The nerve to be asking for it!

JudgeJ · 09/12/2025 16:14

bungobungobungo · 09/12/2025 14:37

Tell her she can have it for the amount you had to pay to get it back or not at all.

No, she will expect the brother to pay for it now they are 'back together' at the moment.

Bumbers · 09/12/2025 16:15

You would be insane to give it to her. Do not give (or sell!) it back under any circumstances!

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/12/2025 16:15

GloriousGoosebumps · 09/12/2025 16:07

She must have thought she was being so clever when she sold the ring and told your brother where he could buy it back! Such a dastardly plot! Good on your brother for refusing to fall into line.

Obviously you don't just hand the ring back to her. On a practical note, please don't leave the ring anywhere she would have access to and so could simply take the ring back. Are you planning to invite your brother and SIL to your home over Christmas?

"On a practical note, please don't leave the ring anywhere she would have access to and so could simply take the ring back."

Very good point. Into the loft it would go. Although much easier just to never have her over your threshoild ever again.

DonicaLewinsky · 09/12/2025 16:16

Bubblecakes · 09/12/2025 15:51

If she keeps on tell her you've sold it on as you needed the money.

This, and tell her you only got £90 for it but you were desperate. Bonus points if you're visibly affluent enough for this to be an obvious lie.

Lunchtimehelp · 09/12/2025 16:16

She shouldn't have sold it in the first place. In my opinion she should have given it back to the rightful family it belongs.

Moveoverdarlin · 09/12/2025 16:18

I would tell her in no uncertain terms that she can fuck the fuck off.

‘’Listen Clare. YOU sold it. I bought it. It’s a ring that has been in my family for years. Not your family. My family. Even if you gave me twenty grand for it, you’re not having it. What if you and DB split up again? Back to the pawn shop is it??

You’re not having it. Don’t ask again.’’

TidyCyan · 09/12/2025 16:18

I wouldn't worry about upsetting her. If they separated through her being money-grabbing then she hasn't changed. This ain't gonna last!

Drachuughtty · 09/12/2025 16:19

Yanbu
Keep the ring. She can't be trusted with it. And she hasn't got a leg to stand on. Cheeky mare.

MyDeftDuck · 09/12/2025 16:20

Nah! You should keep it! SIL gave up all ownership when she pawned it.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 09/12/2025 16:21

She disrespected what it meant - she doesn’t get it back

VictoriousPunge · 09/12/2025 16:23

Loving the responses telling you to get a great manicure and wave the ring around in front of her.

Absolutely do not give it to her.

I would be updating my will to make sure there's no way it could go to her, even over my dead body.

ChristmasMantleStatue · 09/12/2025 16:23

Horrible cow.

Hopefully DB will see the light and dump her sorry arse again.

Keep the ring.

mummybearSW19 · 09/12/2025 16:24

It’s your ring. Your DB has been pretty clear with you on it too. He doesn’t want her to have it and risk losing it again.

stick to your guns. She will have to get her own ring now.

friskybivalves · 09/12/2025 16:26

Immediately train in British Sign Language. Get a job on the television news. Flaunt the ring with extravagant hand gestures in front of an appreciative live audience of millions. Never give it back to your manipulative SIL.

Frugalgal · 09/12/2025 16:27

Tell her to fuck right off. You'd be mad to give it back to her.

Pukkajones · 09/12/2025 16:27

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

God no. You keep it.

Maryaliceyoungx · 09/12/2025 16:31

BasilParsley · 09/12/2025 14:38

Make sure it's hidden away under lock and key when you're not wearing it...

Yes!! That would be my worry! Make sure it’s insured as well. Take photos of the ring. Print out copies of the receipt ect

RainbowBagels · 09/12/2025 16:33

friskybivalves · 09/12/2025 16:26

Immediately train in British Sign Language. Get a job on the television news. Flaunt the ring with extravagant hand gestures in front of an appreciative live audience of millions. Never give it back to your manipulative SIL.

😄😄