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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
Melonjuice · 09/12/2025 17:16

He should never have given it to her in the first place , it a nice thing that you want to pass it down to his DD

SandyY2K · 09/12/2025 17:21

I wonder what planet she's on, to think asking you to give this ring to her is in any way reasonable.

SleafordSods · 09/12/2025 17:22

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 09/12/2025 17:11

Change all your sm names to FlashRingBitch....

Grin
PInkyStarfish · 09/12/2025 17:24

The ring is legally yours. Make sure it is in a safe or safe deposit box so that she doesn’t help herself to it on a visit to yours.

Shut her down with a fixed gaze and say, ‘Gertrude, you sold it, so it clearly doesn’t hold any sentimental worth to you and given your past behaviour I wouldn’t put it past you to sell it again! There shall be no more talk of the matter.’

Freeme31 · 09/12/2025 17:26

Keep it and eventually pass onto your neice- you should enjoy and wear it in the mean time

NoodleHorses · 09/12/2025 17:29

It’s your ring.
She sold it, you bought it, it’s yours. Enjoy the ring, it sounds very nice.

Scottishskifun · 09/12/2025 17:31

A simple no you sold it I bought it suffices. Ignore everything else and just state subject closed.

jeaux90 · 09/12/2025 17:31

Show her this thread.

FinallyHere · 09/12/2025 17:34

Why are you even asking this?

It’s your ring now.

CraftyPlayer · 09/12/2025 17:34

Absolutely keep it. It’s yours. Personally, I don’t think I’d have ever told them I’d bought it.

Growlybear83 · 09/12/2025 17:36

Of COURSE you’re not being unreasonable to keep the ring. You bought it fair and square. If someone else had bought the ring, would your sister in law be harassing them to give her the ring back at a fraction of what they had paid for it? I can’t believe her cheek!

JustSawJohnny · 09/12/2025 17:37

She's a CF.

Tell her she lost all rights to sentimentality when she pawned it and that as you now legally own it you will be keeping it.

If I were you I'd keep it somewhere hidden, preferably outside of your house.

She's exactly the type to take it back, given half the chance.

Muddywellies10 · 09/12/2025 17:40

100% keep the ring! She sounds like a nightmare!

24kPalamino · 09/12/2025 17:40

You are being unreasonable giving this air time. I’d have two words for this woman and two words only. FO.
Of course you don’t hand over a very expensive ring for her to pawn again. You’d have to be completely stupid to even consider it.

Frogs88 · 09/12/2025 17:42

It clearly is not that valuable to her so don’t give it to her. I’d also make sure it’s not kept at my house if SIL visits…

Mia184 · 09/12/2025 17:52

I would hide the ring well if SIL ever comes to your place!

bellabasset · 09/12/2025 17:54

If the ring meant anything to her she wouldn't have sold it. I think if she had asked if she could buy it back from you as she regretted selling it then you might have had a problem refusing or might have had to negotiate a sale price. I have some pieces of jewelry I cannot wear due to my illness but I am keeping them due to the sentimental value to me. I notice that our late Queen was buried with items of jewelry ie her wedding and engagement rings as well as the pearl necklace she had accumulated from the pearls her father had started giving her for her birthday as a child. Fortunately your db doesn't think she has any entitlement to it.

LemonLeaves · 09/12/2025 17:57

No - you sold it last time, so it clearly didn't mean the world to you. I bought it fair and square, it belongs to me, end of conversation. I'm not going to discuss this with you again.

outerspacepotato · 09/12/2025 18:00

Tell her no do overs, it's yours legally, and she can stfu about it.

She sounds shady, find a really good hiding place if she ever comes to your house.

I like your plan of giving it to your brother's daughter, but will your SIL try to get it from her?

Andromed1 · 09/12/2025 18:01

Keep your ring. 'Not solid' is a mild way of describing DB's marriage. And blaming all the problems on his wife's family can't be helping.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 09/12/2025 18:09

You’d be mad to give it back to her.

You paid for it, it’s yours. Also extremely likely that she’ll get rid of it again at some point in future.

WiltedLettuce · 09/12/2025 18:10

I wouldn't be surprised if she just wants to sell it again.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 09/12/2025 18:11

Do you see much of her in person OP?

If so then I'd be wearing YOUR ring and finding reasons spurious for having to continuously wave my hand in her eyeline.

But then I'm petty like that.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/12/2025 18:14

I'd tell her that if she likes it that much she can take her £4k and have a new one made.

Blizzardofleaves · 09/12/2025 18:15

If it meant the world to her she wouldn’t have sold it in the first place. I would refuse to ever allow her to have it back.

Your brother needs counselling, what is he doing back with her?! 😱

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