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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
TamarindCottage · 09/12/2025 15:10

NewCushions · 09/12/2025 14:30

Yup, Ii'd keep it. And I think leaving it to your neice via your brother is the right decision.

First post nailed it, OP. Thank you also for using paragraphs! 😂

TamarindCottage · 09/12/2025 15:12

LuckyNumberFive · 09/12/2025 15:07

I can't even explain how petty I'd be over this.

Not only would I not give the ring back, I'd make a big show and dance of wearing it around her.

Same! 😂

WatchThisGladys · 09/12/2025 15:14

YANBU. She sounds like a total CF and an infuriating one. It "means a lot" to her, indeed!

There's no way I would give it to her.

PrettyPickle · 09/12/2025 15:14

Yeah, like it that was so sentimental to her that she pawned it??? She did not redeem it. You bought it and that is her loss, legally and morally it is now yours.

Set your boundary and stick to it. I wouldn't even let her have it if she coughed up what you had to pay to get it back, as she proven that it has no sentimental value to her no matter what she says - actions speak louder than words.

But stash it somewhere she cannot get at, she or her flying monkeys will attempt to take ownership of it.

caringcarer · 09/12/2025 15:14

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

Yes, please do this.

LunaDeBallona · 09/12/2025 15:16

It would have to be wrestled from my cold dead finger before I gave it to her.
Even if she offered what you paid - even if she doubled it frankly because you know as well as I do as soon as she felt like it she would be back down to the pawnbrokers doing exactly the same stunt.
I would refuse to engage in any conversation apart from ‘No’.
I would wear it as much as I liked, when I liked and I would ensure whenever she came to my home it was on my finger or hidden in a locked room.
Leaving it to your brothers daughter -and not hers- is a twist of joy. 🤩
I hope your grandfather would be very proud of ensuring that his great grandaughter gets it.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/12/2025 15:16

Not only would I not give her the ring back, I also wouldn't be having any kind of conversation with her ever again.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 09/12/2025 15:17

She sounds bonkers! Definitely keep it. And, if she refuses to talk to you because of it, win-win!

Thistooshallpass. · 09/12/2025 15:17

She sold it . You bought it as it meant more to you and you wanted to honour it staying in the family . She can bog off .

OriginalSkang · 09/12/2025 15:18

Never give it back to her in a million years!

HipHopDontYouStop · 09/12/2025 15:19

Christ. She’s a nightmare.

keep the ring. It’s yours.

Keep your distance from her. She’s a mess.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 09/12/2025 15:21

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

DO NOT GIVE IT BAXK TO HER!

what a shitty shitty thing she did. No way would I ever give it back unless she paid back quadruple what I paid and a bit morw

life has consequences. This is a consequence and tough titties

SpeedwellBlue · 09/12/2025 15:22

Make sure she can't steal it from you, eg if she's in your house and goes upstairs to the bathroom then goes into your room and rummages around for it.

butternut123 · 09/12/2025 15:22

Absolutely do not give it to her! The cheek

ThatCyanCat · 09/12/2025 15:22

Wouldn't give it back even if she offered to pay what I'd paid.

LBFseBrom · 09/12/2025 15:23

If she is prepared to pay you what you paid for it, and you are sure the reconciliation is for keeps, I might consider letting her have it. Otherwise, a definite no.

ShesTheAlbatross · 09/12/2025 15:24

I wouldn’t consider giving it to her for even half a second.

Hankunamatata · 09/12/2025 15:25

Its your ring

Jasmin71 · 09/12/2025 15:26

Maybe also get a ring holder necklace so that you can pop it on there whenever she is around you or your home. Firstly to keep it safe but secondly to piss her off

RawBloomers · 09/12/2025 15:26

I would definitely keep it. I'd have a hard time forgiving SiL for selling it in the first place (though possibly not if DB had been keeping money from her) but her £100 offer is so entitled and dismissive I wouldn't be entertaining the idea. I also dont' think it makes any difference what your DB thinks. He wasn't prepared to buy it back, he doesn't get a say. If you have children of your own, leave it to them, not DB's.

Andthatrightsoon · 09/12/2025 15:26

Sorry, I lost it.

CinnamonBuns67 · 09/12/2025 15:27

Yanbu, don't give it to her. She chose to sell it, you brought it so it's yours. He can get her something else if he wishes to.

SleafordSods · 09/12/2025 15:29

Watch out OP I think she may be on this thread, someone has voted YABU! Grin

fearnbreeze · 09/12/2025 15:29

Get a safe in case she gets lost whilst going to the bathroom in your house.

LoveItaly · 09/12/2025 15:30

No way would I return it to her. She has absolutely no shame to even talk about it, let alone ask for it back. It’s wonderful that you have it now to pass on to someone who will hopefully treasure it, and I would make sure that it’s well hidden until then, so she can’t help herself to it. Offering £100 when she sold it for £4000, what a cheek!