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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
ObsidianTree · 09/12/2025 14:58

It's definitely your ring. tell her to stop asking as there is no way she is getting it back. Even if she offered double what you paid. You'd never trust her with it again. Make that clear to her.

Are you married op? Or planning kids one day? I would probably want to keep it for myself and my future children. As you have paid for it so it's yours. Only if that option is off then cards then I'd go with willing it to the niece. I'd sure as shit start wearing it until the day comes when you hand it over!

PinkHairbrushClub · 09/12/2025 14:58

Well it’s not her ring is it. She has no right to it. She sold it. And the leaving it to your niece is a beautiful idea.

Saz12 · 09/12/2025 14:59

Definitely keep it! I wouldn't even sell it to her for the amount you paid, she's a nasty manipulative peice!
If DB wanted to ease things, he could buy her a new ring for Christmas. Though he'd be better seeing a divorce lawyer.

Iloveacurry · 09/12/2025 14:59

No it’s now yours. If SIL really gave a shit about the ring, she wouldn’t have sold it.

bignewprinz · 09/12/2025 14:59

Keep it. Don't give or sell it her back - she'll just flog it again down the line. Maybe also (?) set up an Instagram exclusively for images of the ring on your finger and post on it everyday! 🤩👌

Sassylovesbooks · 09/12/2025 15:00

No. Your SIL sold the ring, so she gave up ownership to it. You purchased the ring back from the pawn shop, so therefore the ring is yours. I'd say that it's highly probable your SIL would sell the ring again given the right circumstances. Your brother clearly doesn't trust his wife not to sell the ring again, and I think you have to believe him. Don't feel guilty, your SIL certainly didn't when she sold the ring in the first place.

katseyes7 · 09/12/2025 15:00

Possession is 9/10 of the law, so they say.
Except in your case, it's 100%. You have the receipt saying you paid for it, so it belongs to you.
She's a chancer. Hang onto it.

Baninarama · 09/12/2025 15:01

Ohpleeeease · 09/12/2025 14:55

Could it be copied? Obviously you keep the original. Up to you whether you tell her which is which…

You can do this only if you copy it for an old bit of cubic zirconia and some sort of metal that gradually turns her finger green.

Ruffledleaf · 09/12/2025 15:02

SIL can jog on.

Hohumdedum · 09/12/2025 15:02

Answer seems obvious to me.

You keep the ring. Given DB's comments that they're not solid and he wouldn't trust her not to sell it again, I wouldn't give it to her even if she paid full price for it.

Shame she found out you have it.

Shedeboodinia · 09/12/2025 15:02

It's your ring now.
If someone else had gone in a purchased it before you then it would be theirs.

themerchentofvenus · 09/12/2025 15:03

@NameChangerAlaina your brother sounds like an idiot to get back with her!

Absolutely do NOT give her the ring. It isn't hers and she will just sell it again for more money.

JDM625 · 09/12/2025 15:03

You plan to eventually give it to the DD is perfect. The witch can jog on!

Dontbeme · 09/12/2025 15:03

So basically your brother blabbed that you have bought the ring to put you in the crosshairs of his wife, rather than deal with her himself? I would block her and tell darling brother to only contact you when he grows a spine when dealing with his wife, and to stop dragging the rest of the family into their dysfunction.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 09/12/2025 15:03

You would be insane to give it to her. What an obnoxious, grasping woman she sounds. Why on earth did he reconcile with her?

If push comes to shove, tell her you lost it or sold it on and the discussion is closed.

MayaPinion · 09/12/2025 15:04

It’s safer in your hands than hers. If you give it to her she’s likely to sell it again before it goes anywhere near the niece. Don’t even lend it to her and have it secured safely when she visits.

MissBridgetJones · 09/12/2025 15:04

She is batshit. There is no way that ring would be going anywhere near her!

CheeseIsMyIdol · 09/12/2025 15:04

Dontbeme · 09/12/2025 15:03

So basically your brother blabbed that you have bought the ring to put you in the crosshairs of his wife, rather than deal with her himself? I would block her and tell darling brother to only contact you when he grows a spine when dealing with his wife, and to stop dragging the rest of the family into their dysfunction.

Good points.
Your "D" brother isn't innocent in all of this.

Mynumberone · 09/12/2025 15:05

Keep it. Its yours and tell SIL to get lost.

SleafordSods · 09/12/2025 15:05

BasilParsley · 09/12/2025 14:38

Make sure it's hidden away under lock and key when you're not wearing it...

I was going to say the same. Sounds like you shouldn’t trust her at all.

TheSandgroper · 09/12/2025 15:06

If she is ever in the house, hide it in the bottom of a shoe box or something. Do NOT keep it somewhere that rings are normally kept.

LuckyNumberFive · 09/12/2025 15:07

I can't even explain how petty I'd be over this.

Not only would I not give the ring back, I'd make a big show and dance of wearing it around her.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/12/2025 15:08

She's a cheeky fucker. Her engagement ring wasn't that sentimental to her when she solid it to a pawn broker. As recommended by another poster, I'd wear the ring every time you see her.

You bought it for an exorbitant amount of money in order to keep the ring in your family. You SIL could do the same thing again and sell the ring to give them money to her family. I can't imagine her thought processes if she thinks that you would just give her the ring that cost you over £4k. She must know that your opinion of her behaviour will be rock bottom but she thinks that you will just hand over the ring? She's crazy!

ChocolateCinderToffee · 09/12/2025 15:08

Goodness. Why did he take her back?

KarmenPQZ · 09/12/2025 15:09

Keep it for sure. But if you want to mess with her could you get a local jewellery maker or on Etsy to make a trinket version for around an hundred quid and try to negotiate a grand or so off her for it? Either wear it for a bit first or say you got it cleaned (maybe charge her for that too?)