Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL that invites herself to everything

190 replies

Charboo · 08/12/2025 23:22

This has happend pretty much every time there has been an event at my kids school since they started they have been at this lovely small school for just over a year now. When my DS is now 5 was at private day nursery I used to send pictures of what he was up to and send to my MIL as she liked them and to see what he was upto. However since starting this school they had an app on your phone which I thought was just pictures updating what your child's been doing so I told mil about the app and said I could add her so she could see all the pictures of her grandchildren, stupidly didn't know that it would reveal all the event dates of Christmas fairs, Christingle at the church, celebration assembly, sports days ect and now every time one is announced my mil just invites herself and she's coming to all of Christmas event in the space of three days this week and more the final week when it's hectic. I feel quite annoyed by this as she has done this previously I always get a text saying "I'm coming to sports day", "I'm coming to assembly and I'm bringing so so with me( DH sister) I have made quite a few good friends at the school and I rather have a chat with them then feel like I'm babysitting last year when she insisted on coming to the church with with school, I ended up having to sit with her right at the back in the corner and I wanted to sit with my friends. There's a christingle service tomorrow and I would of looked forward to it, but it has been tainted as she's coming and she lives 40 mins away and the service is only 45 mins and I will be taking the kids home, also she never ever stops talking. I just wish she back off a little bit but then I question my self and think I'm being harsh I don't want to be like that but same time I feel like she's bit overbearing I can't talk to DH because he would feel hurt she's his DM. I just needed to vent as I have no one to really talk to about this situation.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 08/12/2025 23:27

I think you are being silly tbh.

You're not five! You can sit away from your best friends for the length of a kids nativity play/carol service!

I would find a seat wherever you want to sit and save one for MIL and then you can sit where you want. Or don't save her one and she can sit by herself. Shush her if she's talking during the performance because that's just rude.

There are so many threads here from people where their extended family don't give a shit about them and she's coming to every event. I think it's lovely that she cares so much about her Grandchildren. That's far more important than whether you get to sit next to your best mummy friend for half an hour!

sittingonabeach · 08/12/2025 23:29

Sit with who you want to sit with.

Don't some of these events have limited tickets?

4forksache · 08/12/2025 23:30

It would be annoying all the time. My school gate friendships have lasted many years. They are important.

CombatBarbie · 08/12/2025 23:31

Presumably shes using your login? Change the password??

Indianajet · 08/12/2025 23:32

I have been to .most of the events at my grandchildren school over the years - invited by my family. This is normal for most families I know - I think you are being unreasonable.

ACynicalDad · 08/12/2025 23:34

This is cheeky of her, bad luck! Tell your husband to come and look after his mum.

mrsfollowill · 08/12/2025 23:51

One of the best memories I have is sitting between MIL and my mum watching DS5 yrs old at the time in his nativity play. He was a donkey! and the three of us sat there trying not to cry- not to be mawkish but they are both gone- DS is in his 20's! It was lovely to sit with 2 people who loved DS nearly as much as me. Yes my school mum friends were there I saw them everyday before I sprinted for the bus for work but sometimes family is best. I always asked them to come though as there was no such thing as an app for it so it was my choice to invite.

Diarygirlqueen · 08/12/2025 23:54

At my child's school, alot of grandparents attend all events. It doesn't seem to be an issue. I would love my mum or mil to make such an effort.
Why do you feel the need to sit beside her if she hasn't asked you? You are being unreasonable and childish.

Feelinguselesssigh · 08/12/2025 23:59

No she is being over bearing

sit with your friends

Fdsew · 09/12/2025 00:02

Tell you she is coming is overbearing and rude.
It is not unreasonable to not want it.
Tell your husband its too much.

ilovepixie · 09/12/2025 00:09

I feel sorry for your child having a Granny who loves him, and wants to watch him perform in his school events. What a nasty woman she is.

Tourmalines · 09/12/2025 00:15

Well it’s not about you . It’s about the child . What a lovely feeling to always have your grandmother there. Beats grandparents that never bother .

sprigatito · 09/12/2025 00:17

mrsfollowill · 08/12/2025 23:51

One of the best memories I have is sitting between MIL and my mum watching DS5 yrs old at the time in his nativity play. He was a donkey! and the three of us sat there trying not to cry- not to be mawkish but they are both gone- DS is in his 20's! It was lovely to sit with 2 people who loved DS nearly as much as me. Yes my school mum friends were there I saw them everyday before I sprinted for the bus for work but sometimes family is best. I always asked them to come though as there was no such thing as an app for it so it was my choice to invite.

That’s made me a bit tearful…what a lucky kid ❤️

DallazMajor · 09/12/2025 00:19

Stop being a dick.

Rolensausage · 09/12/2025 00:20

Well the thing is, you have yourself partly to blame as youve made sure she’s involved and updated on your children’s progress from an early age. That’s lovely. In addition, you gave her access to this app and you've so far not complained so she obviously thinks she’s got a lovely close relationship with her daughter in law and her grandchildren.
It’s lovely that she wants to be so involved. You can still sit with your friends.
Just start communicating better so you all know where you stand and no offence is caused.

StruggleFlourish · 09/12/2025 00:25

This post I was reading was someone who was complaining that her mother-in-law hardly ever wanted to make any effort to see their grandchildren. And you, you got the opposite problem. Your mother-in-law is making too much effort to see her grandchildren as far as your concerned. Other people are right, she's not 5 years old, she shows up to these events you don't have to sit with her and talk with her and baby sit her. You don't have to save her a seat, you don't have to exclude the other mothers or your other friends. You didn't invite her, she's inviting herself. Don't worry about it. Just make eye contact give a little wave smile and that's the end of it. She's not there to see you or sit with you or talk to you anyway, she's there to see her grandkids.

Vaxtable · 09/12/2025 00:29

Just remove her from the app. Say it’s for parents only

canklesmctacotits · 09/12/2025 00:30

Well, OP, I must be as uncharitable as you because this would have pissed me off majorly. It’s one thing inviting them to this or that thing - but everything? Whether or not you’re going? Without an invitation or coordination - just telling you she will be there? Nah, it’s too much.

When my DC were little our school had a grandparents’ day (because so many grandparents were paying their GDC fees!) and it was lovely. The children rehearsed songs and dances specifically and displayed the year’s artwork, science projects etc. Parents were NFI, and to this day it remains something between my DC and my PILs. It’s lovely they have that to themselves. We always invited them to piano recitals, always to graduations (in fact, I don’t care for graduations so they went with DH and had a great time!). I would have hated them being there for every single thing. I wouldn’t have wanted all my young childhood memories being shared memories with my PILs. They encroach too much as it is, cherry picking the best bits. I would never have shared the app.

Orchid2025 · 09/12/2025 01:25

My nan came to everyone of my concerts, sports days, choirs ect. So did my mum. I loved them both being there because they were my family. Why is everyone so against having a whole family life ? I know it's not everyone's demographic but can't understand why if you are lucky enough to have grandparents who care and love your children and want to share their childhood why it's a problem. Remember its your child you depriving as well as their grandparents.

Tourmalines · 09/12/2025 01:46

Orchid2025 · 09/12/2025 01:25

My nan came to everyone of my concerts, sports days, choirs ect. So did my mum. I loved them both being there because they were my family. Why is everyone so against having a whole family life ? I know it's not everyone's demographic but can't understand why if you are lucky enough to have grandparents who care and love your children and want to share their childhood why it's a problem. Remember its your child you depriving as well as their grandparents.

It’s not the family life they are against , it’s the MIL . If it’s their own mothers they are different.

Rolensausage · 09/12/2025 01:53

Did you ask your dc if they’d like for gran to be there ? Does your dh feel happy for his mum to be at the event ?

You do make it sound all about you and your friends.

waterrat · 09/12/2025 02:27

This is totally overbearing. This is your life with your young kids she has had hers.

Of course some events is normal.but.not assuming she will be there at all events

I completely understand that you want some to just be a a simple turn up and chat with other mums.

You need to set boundaries get her off that app immediately and just.be clear about it.

I bet your H would change his tune if he had your mum turning up three times a week to hang out with him when he did stuff with the kids

nomas · 09/12/2025 03:36

You need to be more assertive and phase her out.

Next time she says she's coming tell her that you have agreed to sit with friends and won't be able to sit with her.

Also do not give her a lift or drop her home.

GooseberryGreen · 09/12/2025 06:08

Wow, you sound pretty mean. My mother lived in another city and my MIL had no interest in her grandchildren. And I mean no interest - one of my sons will graduate with a medical degree in January and I doubt she is even aware of that. I'd have loved for my MIL to be interested. To the best of my knowledge she has never actually touched her grandchildren - she never picked up my children as babies or toddlers. My mother did have a close relationship despite living in another city and she was loved by both her grandchildren fiercely. They couldn't care less about my MIL because she never tried to have any connection with them. This was not a DIL cutting out my husband's mother - she simply wasn't interested. In fact, they were much more fond of my husband's stepmother who took an interest in them and was very inclusive and welcoming

BeansAndNoodles · 09/12/2025 06:14

Change the password. Tell her everyone has been informed only one person can have the log in "for safeguarding reasons" and that it has to be a parent.