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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL that invites herself to everything

190 replies

Charboo · 08/12/2025 23:22

This has happend pretty much every time there has been an event at my kids school since they started they have been at this lovely small school for just over a year now. When my DS is now 5 was at private day nursery I used to send pictures of what he was up to and send to my MIL as she liked them and to see what he was upto. However since starting this school they had an app on your phone which I thought was just pictures updating what your child's been doing so I told mil about the app and said I could add her so she could see all the pictures of her grandchildren, stupidly didn't know that it would reveal all the event dates of Christmas fairs, Christingle at the church, celebration assembly, sports days ect and now every time one is announced my mil just invites herself and she's coming to all of Christmas event in the space of three days this week and more the final week when it's hectic. I feel quite annoyed by this as she has done this previously I always get a text saying "I'm coming to sports day", "I'm coming to assembly and I'm bringing so so with me( DH sister) I have made quite a few good friends at the school and I rather have a chat with them then feel like I'm babysitting last year when she insisted on coming to the church with with school, I ended up having to sit with her right at the back in the corner and I wanted to sit with my friends. There's a christingle service tomorrow and I would of looked forward to it, but it has been tainted as she's coming and she lives 40 mins away and the service is only 45 mins and I will be taking the kids home, also she never ever stops talking. I just wish she back off a little bit but then I question my self and think I'm being harsh I don't want to be like that but same time I feel like she's bit overbearing I can't talk to DH because he would feel hurt she's his DM. I just needed to vent as I have no one to really talk to about this situation.

OP posts:
Mischance · 11/12/2025 11:17

An overbearing MIL from hell is not a gift a for anyone, terrible example for the children.
Not only she doesn't belong there - I don't know any school where large groups of people are welcome, there's never enough space (maybe different for sports day, true), and a MIL arriving with a guest is taking the spot of an actual parent. Not on.

Overbearing MIL from hell - where does that come in? A caring grandmother who wants to support her GC would be a more usual spin on this situation.

The idea that she "doesn't belong there" is a negation of what family is about. Clearly she does not belong at a parent's evening - but a sports day or a nativity - absolutely she does belong.

My local primary encourages the involvement of the wider family and indeed the whole community. It is a warm, loving and healthy atmosphere for the children.

The knee-jerk reaction that everything a MIL does must be bad is tedious and rather sad.

TheTaupeScroller · 11/12/2025 11:19

Mischance · 11/12/2025 11:17

An overbearing MIL from hell is not a gift a for anyone, terrible example for the children.
Not only she doesn't belong there - I don't know any school where large groups of people are welcome, there's never enough space (maybe different for sports day, true), and a MIL arriving with a guest is taking the spot of an actual parent. Not on.

Overbearing MIL from hell - where does that come in? A caring grandmother who wants to support her GC would be a more usual spin on this situation.

The idea that she "doesn't belong there" is a negation of what family is about. Clearly she does not belong at a parent's evening - but a sports day or a nativity - absolutely she does belong.

My local primary encourages the involvement of the wider family and indeed the whole community. It is a warm, loving and healthy atmosphere for the children.

The knee-jerk reaction that everything a MIL does must be bad is tedious and rather sad.

she's ruining the day/ evening for her DIL, so there's nothing positive about her.
She's making it all about "her", and "her will" to see "her " grand-children. They are the OP's children, she had a turn, butt off.

and just wait to be invited along, how hard can that be?

Mischance · 11/12/2025 11:34
  1. In what way is she ruining it? - she's just sitting there.
  2. In what way is it all about her? - it's no more all about her than anyone else in the audience.
  3. She has been invited by OP sending her the app with all the info.

I find it really sad that some posters are so frankly cruel and lacking in humanity. What example is this sending to the children? Might this come back to bite you when you are older?

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 11/12/2025 21:56

Mischance · 11/12/2025 11:34

  1. In what way is she ruining it? - she's just sitting there.
  2. In what way is it all about her? - it's no more all about her than anyone else in the audience.
  3. She has been invited by OP sending her the app with all the info.

I find it really sad that some posters are so frankly cruel and lacking in humanity. What example is this sending to the children? Might this come back to bite you when you are older?

Agreed. A lot of awful human beings on this thread.

Tourmalines · 11/12/2025 23:11

This reply has been deleted

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beAsensible1 · 11/12/2025 23:14

You don’t have to sit with her?

just say mil I’m going to have a catch up with a couple of friends I’ll catch you after or later.

especially if she’s brought a buddy.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 11/12/2025 23:20

We can barely get the MiL to contact the kids for Christmas or birthdays, let alone care enough to come to their school events. I would love for them to have someone who gave a toss but all they have is us.

SkippingAdverts · 12/12/2025 05:35

people keep saying that the OP invited the mother-in-law by sending the app. No, the app was for her to access photos of the child. Yes, the events were listed there. But that is not why the OP sent her mother-in-law the link.

Waiting to be invited by the parents is basic courtesy.

And as usual, people are speaking in extremes. It doesn’t have to be mil attending everything versus in-laws who don’t care and never see their grandchildren. There is a nice medium in between where a mil loves and is involved with her grandchildren, but doesn’t assume she can turn up to every single event uninvited.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/12/2025 06:06

Mischance · 11/12/2025 11:34

  1. In what way is she ruining it? - she's just sitting there.
  2. In what way is it all about her? - it's no more all about her than anyone else in the audience.
  3. She has been invited by OP sending her the app with all the info.

I find it really sad that some posters are so frankly cruel and lacking in humanity. What example is this sending to the children? Might this come back to bite you when you are older?

She isn't just sitting there though. She never stops talking during these performances and she invites other people as well. She also expects OP to sit with her when OP would like to sit with her friends.

If OP was as horrible as loads of posters are saying, she would just tell MIL to stop coming. She doesnt want to hurt her feelings so is really just venting on here.

LiveLuvLaugh · 12/12/2025 06:25

Bring her to sit with your friends. I used to get on really well with friends Mums and MILs.

Needspaceforlego · 12/12/2025 06:51

NuffSaidSam · 08/12/2025 23:27

I think you are being silly tbh.

You're not five! You can sit away from your best friends for the length of a kids nativity play/carol service!

I would find a seat wherever you want to sit and save one for MIL and then you can sit where you want. Or don't save her one and she can sit by herself. Shush her if she's talking during the performance because that's just rude.

There are so many threads here from people where their extended family don't give a shit about them and she's coming to every event. I think it's lovely that she cares so much about her Grandchildren. That's far more important than whether you get to sit next to your best mummy friend for half an hour!

You are minimising what she is saying, these are new friends she is trying to make. Shes probably only met them at a few kids parties. They may or may not have moved on from meeting at kids things to meeting up for coffee.

Needspaceforlego · 12/12/2025 06:55

Charboo · 09/12/2025 10:27

My DH at work he's in meetings most of the afternoon so it not always easy for him to come out of work. The thing is even on the app it said "parents and carers welcome" and that was it so I would of thought she would taken the hint with that.

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I'd also try to get her off the app. It should be parents and carers only.

Remind her carer really means guardians, people why custody of the children

NuffSaidSam · 12/12/2025 10:26

Needspaceforlego · 12/12/2025 06:51

You are minimising what she is saying, these are new friends she is trying to make. Shes probably only met them at a few kids parties. They may or may not have moved on from meeting at kids things to meeting up for coffee.

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Don't be ridiculous. They're not going to not invite her for a coffee because she didn't sit next to them at the nativity. Her MIL being there doesn't mean she can't speak to them before/after and presumably she wouldn't be speaking to them during the show anyway even if she had been sitting with them.

Needspaceforlego · 12/12/2025 11:13

NuffSaidSam · 12/12/2025 10:26

Don't be ridiculous. They're not going to not invite her for a coffee because she didn't sit next to them at the nativity. Her MIL being there doesn't mean she can't speak to them before/after and presumably she wouldn't be speaking to them during the show anyway even if she had been sitting with them.

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There's no way I'd take my Mil to coffee with new budding friendships.
It also stops Op from even suggesting coffee afterwards.

But bottom line Op boobed by including Granny on the App. She needs to try to find a way to get her back off the App.

NuffSaidSam · 12/12/2025 12:48

Needspaceforlego · 12/12/2025 11:13

There's no way I'd take my Mil to coffee with new budding friendships.
It also stops Op from even suggesting coffee afterwards.

But bottom line Op boobed by including Granny on the App. She needs to try to find a way to get her back off the App.

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She doesn't need to take MIL for coffee. She's there to watch the play/sports activity/kids event. Once that's done I'm sure she's happy to be on her way (and if she isn't happy she can still be sent on her way).

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