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Original poster

MIL that invites herself to everything

190 replies

Charboo · 08/12/2025 23:22

This has happend pretty much every time there has been an event at my kids school since they started they have been at this lovely small school for just over a year now. When my DS is now 5 was at private day nursery I used to send pictures of what he was up to and send to my MIL as she liked them and to see what he was upto. However since starting this school they had an app on your phone which I thought was just pictures updating what your child's been doing so I told mil about the app and said I could add her so she could see all the pictures of her grandchildren, stupidly didn't know that it would reveal all the event dates of Christmas fairs, Christingle at the church, celebration assembly, sports days ect and now every time one is announced my mil just invites herself and she's coming to all of Christmas event in the space of three days this week and more the final week when it's hectic. I feel quite annoyed by this as she has done this previously I always get a text saying "I'm coming to sports day", "I'm coming to assembly and I'm bringing so so with me( DH sister) I have made quite a few good friends at the school and I rather have a chat with them then feel like I'm babysitting last year when she insisted on coming to the church with with school, I ended up having to sit with her right at the back in the corner and I wanted to sit with my friends. There's a christingle service tomorrow and I would of looked forward to it, but it has been tainted as she's coming and she lives 40 mins away and the service is only 45 mins and I will be taking the kids home, also she never ever stops talking. I just wish she back off a little bit but then I question my self and think I'm being harsh I don't want to be like that but same time I feel like she's bit overbearing I can't talk to DH because he would feel hurt she's his DM. I just needed to vent as I have no one to really talk to about this situation.

OP posts:
bellocchild · 09/12/2025 17:11

My lovely MIL never missed an event either, and we were always glad to have her there - but it was always by invitation. Her grandsons once took her on a conducted tour of all the school toilets as well as the classrooms.

Alliod40 · 09/12/2025 17:11

OMG what are horrible thing to read..my own Mam used to come from Ireland when I lived in the UK for as much of my 2 girls activities as she could and then myself and My MIL would take time off work and we would all go together..you sound like a child..I want to sit with my friends not with her..get a grip of yourself.. this is your husbands mother.. I hope your sons wife one day doesn't think the same about you lol

Mickey540 · 09/12/2025 18:12

@charboo I don’t think you are unreasonable. I personally think grandparents do like to come and be invited, but they don’t need to be at every little thing and like you I would have preferred to sit with friends. I guess the issue is she has too much information and knows too much unless you can get her off the access and then invite her as you want.

Glasgowgal200 · 09/12/2025 18:17

My sister is asking me to go halves with her for her present for our mum. Mum is terminally ill in a care home. Sister wants to do a hamper with food our mum likes to eat:- fruit, crisps, biscuits etc. I have already bought presents for my mum, I'm on a very strict budget as I'm on benefits and my sister works. I'm not sure I want to go halves on this present as I can't really afford it and I already have presents bought. This isn't the first time she does this. For our mum's birthday we bought pizza for us all and although I didn't mind paying for our mum's pizza she bought plates, bowls, cutlery and it ended up costing me £25 which completely cleared me out at the time. If she needed plates etc I have picnic plates etc which I would have been happy to bring along.

For extra info sister is quite a bit older than me and extremely sensitive to criticism etc. How do I get out of this without causing offence or an argument or stress. Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated thank you.

AnotherStripyZebra · 09/12/2025 18:39

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Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 09/12/2025 18:59

My mil drives me mad but I wouldn't get upset with this, as long as she's making her own way there and back and doesn't expect to come to mine before or after without an explicit invite from me.
The more cheerleaders for my dc the better, they'll remember the support and love even if they don't appreciate it now.
You don't need to babysit her, and she's being unfair if she expects you to. You can draw a line there by giving her a wave and going to sit elsewhere.

Blablibladirladada · 09/12/2025 19:00

My last school had an app that I never subscribed to…I was afraid to be overwhelmed by their incessant chit chat 😂😂😂 anyway, that means that they emailed me all the events so I am aware of them…in addition of teacher telling you and the paper version (dear me!)…

maybe cancel the app? Get the emails instead and reinstall the app next year without nana?

You can’t really sit somewhere else, otherwise you would have done that. Arf. Info diet!

jigglybits · 09/12/2025 19:09

Wahwahwah my kid gets too much support from his loving family!
Good grief woman, you don't know how lucky you are!
If you don't want to sit with her, don't. She's not there for you.

fatphalange · 09/12/2025 19:23

Obviously she’s going to be an active part of the school community since you gave her full access to the parent’s app. It was quite an unusual move of you but I’m guessing you have no issues with her or you wouldn’t have considered such a thing.
Only parents are allowed the app details at our school- safeguarding. Moot point anyway.
Lovely for your kids. Im hoping you don’t think she’s cramping your style with the school mums? That would be unkind. Include her in the chats or have them alongside her. You can do both. You don’t have to be scurrying off in corners avoiding the other mums imagining that you’re ‘babysitting ‘ a woman old enough to be your mother.

Pessismistic · 09/12/2025 20:00

ilovepixie · 09/12/2025 00:09

I feel sorry for your child having a Granny who loves him, and wants to watch him perform in his school events. What a nasty woman she is.

This op you should be grateful she is interested what you should reply is ok great but I’ve arranged to meet my friends so might see you there put yourself first if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to go.

Pessismistic · 09/12/2025 20:00

ilovepixie · 09/12/2025 00:09

I feel sorry for your child having a Granny who loves him, and wants to watch him perform in his school events. What a nasty woman she is.

This op you should be grateful she is interested what you should reply is ok great but I’ve arranged to meet my friends so might see you there put yourself first if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to go.

Catsbooks345 · 09/12/2025 20:44

I think it's fine to say to her that you'll see her at the end of the service or whatever it is and sit where you want and with whoever you want to. However if she's a nice person then it would be nice to include her. Just be casual about it. If she talks just don't answer, she'll get the hint. It's nice she wants to come along and makes the effort. It would seem really harsh to take offense and exclude her. I think you just need to get out the headspace of feeling responsible for her or like you have to pair up. You don't need to do that. Just be really lovely in the few minutes you do spend with her. It'll be fine.

Lamentingalways · 09/12/2025 20:48

I would hate this. I haven’t read any of the other comments because I have a feeling most people will think you’re wrong. I think it’s rude that she isn’t checking with you. I like to invite my Mum to some things but some I enjoy it just being me watching my children. I’m not sure how you can stop this now without offending her though! Sometimes schools cap how many guests can attend certain things (hall space) I feel bad for you.

Cherrysoup · 09/12/2025 20:53

Can you take her off the app as a pp said if she’s using your login?

Bluedenimdoglover · 09/12/2025 21:21

It's lovely having a grandparent who cares so much she want to travel almost an hour to see he grandchild's school concert/church service etc. She's not just your MIL she's your son's grandmother. Grandparents are generally very special to their grandchildren - have you forgotten? Or could you not have a close relationship with yours? I hope, when you are a grandmother, you enjoy seeing your grandchildren in school activities as much as your MIL does now. Don't spoil it for her or your son.

TheTaupeScroller · 09/12/2025 21:25

Bluedenimdoglover · 09/12/2025 21:21

It's lovely having a grandparent who cares so much she want to travel almost an hour to see he grandchild's school concert/church service etc. She's not just your MIL she's your son's grandmother. Grandparents are generally very special to their grandchildren - have you forgotten? Or could you not have a close relationship with yours? I hope, when you are a grandmother, you enjoy seeing your grandchildren in school activities as much as your MIL does now. Don't spoil it for her or your son.

why is it always the DIL that is stuck with the MIL though? Yes she is a grand-parent, but can't she decide to impose herself on her son, and leave everyone else in peace?

DIL always get accused of being uncaring, but why is it their job? Let the son handle her and put up with her, that would already improve things.

Sassylovesbooks · 09/12/2025 21:30

You told your MIL about the App, which she has now downloaded. Presumably as she's downloaded the App, she's signed up using her own username/password? Do the school have a limit on how many Apps can be downloaded per family? Have you not had to give permission for your MIL to have the App, as your the child's parent?! You are partly to blame here because you didn't look at the details of the App before telling your MIL she could download it!! Are events at school not restricted to parents only or only 2 tickets per household? I find it odd that she can just invite herself!!

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 09/12/2025 22:07

Presumably you see your school gate friends at the school gate? And have their numbers so you can arrange other catch ups either way them?

Your MIL is being a lovely Grandmother. You sound cliquey and nasty.

Lamentingalways · 09/12/2025 22:12

Jesus. OP I don’t think even 10% of people bother to even try and imagine the scenarios they comment on on here. I categorically do not believe that all these women that claim you should be grateful blah blah blah would enjoy their MIL showing up to every single school event with whomever she deems fit in tow.

Give it a day or two and post pretending to be MIL and ask “Is it okay to show up at every single school event that my Grandchild is involved in without consulting their parents?” You’ll get an overwhelmingly different consensus.

longdistanceclaraaa · 09/12/2025 22:46

How many men do we think are, as we type, arguing on a similar thread about whether and how often they ought to be including their mothers in law.

None

As ever, any adult in the family in possession of a penis is nowhere to be seen and has nothing to do with any of this.

Why any woman, whether mother, maternal grandmother, or paternal grandmother, perpetuatesalll of this is beyond me.

JFDIYOLO · 10/12/2025 00:54

@Glasgowgal200 Hi, if you start your own thread you'll be able to begin a conversation on your topic.

whitewinefriday · 10/12/2025 06:28

Lamentingalways · 09/12/2025 22:12

Jesus. OP I don’t think even 10% of people bother to even try and imagine the scenarios they comment on on here. I categorically do not believe that all these women that claim you should be grateful blah blah blah would enjoy their MIL showing up to every single school event with whomever she deems fit in tow.

Give it a day or two and post pretending to be MIL and ask “Is it okay to show up at every single school event that my Grandchild is involved in without consulting their parents?” You’ll get an overwhelmingly different consensus.

Very good point!

bluewhitebluewhite · 10/12/2025 06:36

You sound a bit immature OP. My MIL never came to a single thing my children were involved in despite being invited. I think it’s lovely having grandparents involved. I understand you find her irritating but that’s life.

EleanorReally · 10/12/2025 06:41

how on earth is she over bearing and cheeky?
they are her grandchildren,
it is lovely for her and them that she wants to be so involved

Namechange234567 · 10/12/2025 06:42

Normally I'm right in there with thinking the MIL should back off, but sounds lovely they want to come to events.

You just need boundaries and not feel the need to sit with her, perhaps invite her round for a cup of tea after and then feel less guilty just sitting with your friends?