To think that if we’re making all this money but not showing it off… what’s the point?

[TheTaupeMoose]

I’m not saying you have to be tacky but I do sometimes wonder if we work this hard, earn more, level up and still don’t celebrate it or show it in any way… what’s the point? There’s this modern guilt around “boasting” or “showing off,” especially online but honestly, why shouldn’t people wear the designer bag, post the trip or drive the nice car if they earned it? You get told to hustle but then shamed for enjoying the results.

I get that quiet wealth is a thing. But sometimes, I think the visibility is part of the reward. Especially if you come from a background where having anything at all once felt impossible.

AIBU to think that maybe showing off a little isn’t shallow, maybe it’s the point?

You can't think of any other way to enjoy your money?

So your retirement and your children's futures are totally sorted?

Isn't the point to enjoy it? I could happily go on lovely holidays, eat out regularly, enjoy nice things, save for my kids future, save for early retirement without bragging about it.

You do you, but personally, I think there's far more point to enjoying it myself than seeking validation from other people about it.

why be so desperate for others to judge you?

Depends what circles you move in. If all your mates are living in poverty then showing up with 10K designer handbags in a Porsche and going on endlessly about your amazing second home in Spain is a bit of a dick move.

However if everyone is at the same level then it is much less so.

This is why people generally stay friends with people that have the same level of wealth as them, otherwise the jealousy just rips them apart. Plus they have nothing to talk to each other about, as any mention of their life is pretty much guaranteed to include some mention of their wealth which gets tedious.

I’d say just enjoy it and any milestones in work share them but probably not in a ‘look how much I’m earning now’ way!

Of course there are other ways to enjoy money. I’m not saying visibility is the only way, just that it’s one legitimate way that’s become oddly taboo.

For some people, especially those who grew up without much, enjoying money outwardly is part of the pleasure and the meaning. That doesn’t cancel out private enjoyment, security, generosity or peace of mind, it just coexists with it. My point isn’t “everyone should show off”, it’s questioning why showing any visible enjoyment is automatically framed as shallow or inferior.

The point is surely to enjoy your financial freedom (and pass it on to loved ones and perhaps charity).

Showing off seems unnecessary. What would be your reason to do that?

If having the bag or the car genuinely makes you happy and you can afford it then great. But there’s no point if it’s just a badge that you don’t get enjoyment from because nobody else cares what bag you are carrying. I recommend the book ‘The Art of Spending Money’ by Morgan Housel.

How bloody random?! This is totally unhinged. Massive difference between an influencer showing wealth and a normal person posting on their private social. Also do you really have to post it online to show off to others rather than just enjoy your holiday with your family. What a strange strange post

Having and spending your hard earned money is very different from showing off.

Have your nice car but don’t park over the white line in car parks to protect your doors, post it all over social media, tell friends how much it cost and that you paid cash, leave the keys with the logo showing on every table you share with friends hoping to be asked about it etc etc.

Eat out every meal if you like but don’t tell people you do, post every meal on Facebook or tell friends you might as well not have a kitchen because you just eat every meal out these days.

Have a massive house and enjoy entertaining in it but don’t suggest every get together with friends is at your house because you “just have so much more space” and don’t start harping on to friends about the postcode envy they must feel.

Plenty of my friends are well off and have lovely things, not one of them has ever “shown off” about their material wealth.

Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Planning for retirement and children’s futures doesn’t mean life has to be lived in permanent austerity or invisibility.

People can be financially responsible and occasionally enjoy and visibly celebrate what they’ve earned. The idea that any visible enjoyment equals recklessness feels like moralising rather than reality.

There’s this modern guilt around “boasting” or “showing off"

Not that modern, quite deep-rooted in British culture! (But hypocritically and inconsistently - noone expects royalty to live in a shack it seems)

An anathema for some other cultures for whom visible displays of wealth are expected along with celebration/thanksgiving for good fortune.

A lot of is it about values - even if i have the money for a designer handbag doesnt mean I want one or feel I am not allowed to have one.

You’re allowed to have nice things if you can afford them. You’re allowed to post about a lovely holiday. But there are ways of posting about it while being a dick, and ways of avoiding being a dick. I wouldn’t ever post “look, I’ve bought a new car, so glad I’m not driving a horrible old thing any more” - that’s obv outright boasting. Posting a few pics of holiday and saying you had a lovely time - fine. But maybe not every weekend. And not saying “so glad all our hard work paid off and we can now afford this lovely new holiday”.

And be mindful about who is in the group you’re posting to. If there are people who are struggling, who you care about, then yes you should probably not post too much about the shiny new things you have over and over, and at least be careful of how you say it.

Visibly enjoying is one thing.
Spending just for the sake of showing off is another.

I'm all for buying the nice bag and car etc, but it should be because they bring you joy and not related to what other people think about them.

You are getting enjoyment from showing off wealth to people who aren’t as rich as you and your framing that as not shallow?! This is laughable. It’s one of the most shallow things you can do

"The point" is to prepare for a comfortable retirement; to have back up in case of illness, divorce, job loss etc, to support children's education (if you have children), to live comfortably and enjoy holidays, hobbies, culture without feeling any stress. None of this involves showing off!

I don’t think enjoying things privately and occasionally sharing them are opposites. For some people, visibility isn’t about validation, it’s about celebration, marking progress or reclaiming something that once felt out of reach. Especially if you didn’t grow up with much.

Quiet enjoyment works for some, visible enjoyment works for others. I don’t think either automatically equals insecurity.

Have you not seem social media op?

Agree. I don't like expensive bags and I can't drive so I just have business cards printed with my bank balance on and hand it to people when I meet them.

This. 💯

🤣

So in terms of ‘showing off’ - who are you showing off to? Friends, family, social contacts, colleagues, the world in general?

And what sort of response would you be looking for? What is an ideal interaction in this way for you?

You're not even in the game if your bank balance will fit on a business card.