To think that if we’re making all this money but not showing it off… what’s the point?

[TheTaupeMoose]

I’m not saying you have to be tacky but I do sometimes wonder if we work this hard, earn more, level up and still don’t celebrate it or show it in any way… what’s the point? There’s this modern guilt around “boasting” or “showing off,” especially online but honestly, why shouldn’t people wear the designer bag, post the trip or drive the nice car if they earned it? You get told to hustle but then shamed for enjoying the results.

I get that quiet wealth is a thing. But sometimes, I think the visibility is part of the reward. Especially if you come from a background where having anything at all once felt impossible.

AIBU to think that maybe showing off a little isn’t shallow, maybe it’s the point?

I wouldn't think most people would have an issue with you buying a nice bag if it brings you personal happiness.

The problem is when it brings you happiness, not because you love the bag, but because you can show it off to people who don’t have a nice bag.

The other issue is that showing off you spend thousands of pounds on designer bag looks a bit silly if there are clearly other things the bag owner would have been better to spend the money on.

I know a man who spends quite a lot of time showing off about his expensive car. Unfortunately no one is as impressed as he wants them to be because the only reason that he can afford the car is because he still lives with his parents. The car and his living arrangements are absolutely none of my business and I don’t judge either of them. I do judge the showing off.

Some people like nice material things, some people prefer experiences, others just like financial security. But trying to show off money or success can sometimes be quite tacky. There is truth in the phrase money talks, wealth whispers (and debt screams)

I don't think there's anything wrong with people having 'showy' designer stuff if that's what they like and they enjoy it for themselves, and by all means feel proud of the fact you've worked hard for the money to pay for it all. I'd feel sad for someone who feels they need to buy that stuff solely to show off, or so they can feel superior to people less fortunate though. If you like something and can afford it, then buy it because you like it, not because of what other people think of it.

Maybe people aren’t bothered about showing off. I know I wouldn’t be. I’d want to enjoy wealth if I had it, but I wouldn’t show off.

Also, believe it or not but people do not care. I genuinely don’t care about someone’s handbag or shoes and I would get bored hearing about a holiday I didn’t go on unless it was someone I am close to. I might admire some photos of a beautiful house a friend has posted on social media, but I still wouldn’t have any invested interest in it and would soon start scrolling after a few posts about the same house. So yeah, people can brag but honestly, most people won’t be listening or will only be half listening to be polite.

Maybe it's become 'taboo' to flaunt wealth online because children are starving and the elderly are living in bitterly cold damp flats....
Dunno... you should buy the handbag / go on holiday though - and flaunt it - it will defo make people like you more.

Who cares what other people think? I don't mind spending money on nice holidays, but I wouldn't enjoy them more if I did a post-holiday photo dump on social media.

Why do you think it's showing off to buy a nice car or a handbag. I couldn't tell a 'real' bag from a knock off so I wouldn't be impressed and cars are nearly always bought on a loan. Just buy what you like and can afford, who cares what anyone else thinks.

Not sure if you actually want people to think you are showing off your wealth, but you might be disappointed.

Who is shaming you?? I carry a lovely handbag and drive a nice car. No one has ever heckled me about either. I don’t really care what a random person online thinks - is that who you mean? I work hard and spend sensibly, I also feel I am someone of fairly good morals, I try to be kind, fair, friendly etc. What is there to be shamed for???

I’d love to be really wealthy so I didn’t have to worry about job security, my child’s future, or what would happen if one of us got sick…

But to be wealthy to “show off”? No. That’s not the point, for me.

Depends how it's done I think.

I like family like paternal grandparents and IL who grew up in actual not enough to eat poverty got to enjoy hoildays and nice things later in life - good on them and I can ohh and arh for quite a bit after a while though it gets very boring.

What I really hate is the corrosive one upmanship - yes you had a great hoilday but why are you trying to put ours down - my IL did this with our first family hoilday and then when we went somewhere from my childhood - then when that doesn't work have to visit it first and be experts. It'd done a lot.

There a local mussum and has one of the best presreved selection of type of item in whole of northern europe - so we all in end had to try and avoid MIL going on about stuff in southern euopre she'd seen that was so much better - because we wanted to enjoy what was in front of us.

I think also when I was younger I had more patience for same stories and boasts now I have less potential to get those things/visis thsoe places - partly economic winds shifting - partly choices we made - 3 kids - partly and much to MN annoyance I prefer doing things with others and spending time with them not just seeing pretty things is where the enjoyment comes for me - and I'm not sure they are as interested.

It also doesn't project the happy confidnece air that many assume it does - as it does tend to scream I'm insecure and need your validation - and that never a two way reciprocal thing - just more demands. Also culturally it's seen as a middle class or working class apping better things ie tacky - I think that hang over from Victorian society.

I think people should be able to spend their own money on whatever the fuck they want, as long as he’s legal. If that means designer bags and sports cars, well that’s up to them.
Equally people are entitled to perceive those people in a particular way.

i couldn’t agree less with the notion of “showing off” money. It really is tacky.

I’m not interested in showing off what I have. I work to build security for my old age and to give my children a better start than I had. I grew up with nothing and I now have something, but not enough that I could lose my job tomorrow and still be comfortable. So I don’t have the time or the inclination to flaunt anything. I’m focused on stability, not status.

Although if someone can afford luxury bags, shoes and cars I don't have a problem with them visibly enjoying them. If you can afford it, I am happy for you.

Whose idea? What does visibly celebrating look like? It sounds like it’s to show other people but that means you are looking for validation and that way madness lies.

I understand that going from nothing to something is worth a celebration.

However, who would you like to celebrate with?
People who are close to you and love you? Sure, many people celebrate by getting something nice for their loved ones.

People who are worse of? Not good.
People who are better of than you? That might work, they might be able to genuinely enjoy your success.

As a middle class child in a good industry and being lucky enough to have a stable partnership I am grateful for my lifestyle, but I feel that celebrating in a visible way would be weird as many of my friends are less lucky though not less deserving or less hard working.

I have a life limiting condition and whilst this may not be quite what you mean, I no longer keep anything for best and if I like it I buy it, although I guess I'm fortunate to be in a position to do so.
It was an eye-opener sorting an aunt's possessions after her death and seeing so many beautiful items that she never used.

That would be understandable (kind of- I still think it’s crass) if hard work was always appropriately rewarded. Plenty of people work their socks off for much less than they deserve, doing really important work that makes everything possible for the people who make much more.

I always assumed the point of earning well was to be able to eat what you liked, turn the heating on when you wanted, buy new clothes whenever you needed them, go on holiday when you wanted... without having to consider if you can afford to do it this month...

You should buy whatever you like with your own money. Buying things in order to attempt to show off your money to other people is very sad though. It's not going to have the effect you hope. It's true that money really can't buy class.

Because it's tacky. Always has been and always will be.

The few friends I have known since childhood who have done really well for themselves financially share the exact same things that I do. Their pride in their children, family get togethers, pets, their lovely Christmas decorations and the walk they enjoyed in the countryside that day. In the background you can see their beautiful big house but they aren't posting 'look at my great big house, I am considerably richer than yoooouuu.'

You've got a weird way of thinking about things, unless it's just your wording that is odd.

Buying and using nice things, and expressing your enjoyment of/appreciation of them isn't "showing off." Wearing a nice coat or taking a designer handbag to a dinner with friends isn't showing off if you're wearing it because you like it and it goes with your outfit/is suitable for the occasion, no more than someone using the primark equivalent would be. Even accepting a compliment on the item and saying "thanks, I really love it," or "I bought it to treat myself" isn't showing off - its just factual.

It only counts as "showing off" if the main or primary reason for using something expensive isn't for your own personal benefit but to demonstrate to others that you can afford to have the thing.

Basically if you'd like something just as much if it cost a tenth of the price and would use it regardless if who you were with then using it isn't showing off.

If you only or mainly bought/use it to demonstrate you could afford it, then it is.

I always think that people who display their wealth are silly to announce it publicly through cars, rolexes, jewellery and designer bags. There are expert burglers who specifically target the wealthy. I'd rather buy mid range and enjoy my savings and holidays. Being comfortable is a massive cosy blanket for me, I don't need people to know it.

Honestly, I really couldn't care less about "showing off. I live in a very ordinary 3 bedroom house, drive an oldish Toyota Yaris and dress in clothes from ordinary high street shops. I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

For me, having money is all about a)security and b)freedom. Impressing other people doesn't even cross my radar.

Totally depends, are you enjoying the money the way you want to and by doing that it is visible then crack on. If you are spending your money 100% with the intention to show off then you are a total arsehole.

For example, you have bought a new Ferrari as a car fan, crack on happy days, to the outside world this is a very visible sign of wealth but ultimately you bought this as a car fan who enjoys driving and enjoying the styling of the car.

On the other hand you spend a day doing a photo shoot on a private jet to post to instagram just to show the world you can afford it.... arsehole.

You’ll never agree with me and I’ll never agree with you.

there’s just a massive fundamental difference between you and me, and it’s apparent from your opening post.

the reward for me is security. Not having to worry about being evicted, or affording food. Being able to give my kids a comfortable life with good food and fun holidays and hopefully help them afford to buy a house at some point. Being able to help them when needed.

Showing off just doesn’t come into the equation. Partly I feel no need to do it and derive no pleasure from it. Partly it makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want to gloat over somebody who can’t afford what I can. Partly I just cringe because it would make me look like a twat.

edited to add: my kids go to a school in a very mixed area. There is a lot of poverty and deprivation. They have been aware from a young age of the effects that “showing off” could have on these kids who have less than them. And I’m very glad they have, seeing as there are adults around who think like you!