To do this instead of a party

[putthefireonplease]

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

I think it depends on who. If it’s family then I’m sure they will bring a present anyway? Are you staying in the entire day on Saturday though?
maybe better to give people a time range?
knowing me I would have a full day out, too tired after and visit another day. If I knew there was a time range I would plan my day accordingly

Family fine, friends no. Bit strange!

would it not of been easier having everybody at the same time for cake? Your going to be stuck in all day seeing if anybody ‘calls’?

How old is ds, and is he ok with this? Dribs and drabs of people coming and going would suit some people. I'd rather get it all over and done with in one go tbh!

I don’t think the gift thing is the issue here - how old is DS? If it’s his friends coming over what is there for them to do… except eat cake? I totally get not wanting extra hosting duties at this time of year, but I’m not sure I understand the concept of a drop in. Just means that more of your day is disrupted and, as I say, what will people be doing… just chatting and eating cake?

I’m with OH. Fine for family, friends definitely not.

I think people will be very confused and will give it a miss, which is a pity for your ds. I also don’t understand why repeatedly hosting an unspecified number of people at intervals during the day is easier than just having them all round at once and doing a few party games.

Depends on how old he is. Did he have any say in this ?? Don't family call anyway ?

I’ve given a timeframe sorry … that’s why DH thinks we look cheeky as it sort of looks like a party but isn’t

This is for friends

Yes I do think it's cheeky to ask people to come and visit you with a gift - even if the gift giving isn't stated it's certainly implied.

Just wondering how this will work? When the first set come will you do candles, sing happy birthday and then cut the cake? And then when a 2nd set come what happens?
As others have said, I would do a set time for 'cake and nibbles' so then you can also do something fun as a family. Invite a few children, do a couple low key party games depending on age. 'Duck duck goose' 'grandma's keys' 'musical chairs' are all easy, free options.

Won't his friends be expecting something to "do" like party games?

Sorry but that is really, really odd.

I was just going to give people cake … like just cake!

How old is your ds?

I don't think it's cheeky, but it sounds like a terrible plan unless DS is a baby and we're talking about your friends potentially dropping in. As a birthday treat, having random kids call in but with no party atmosphere/games etc. is going to be really odd. The parents won't know whether to drop of stay/how long to be there for. I think everyone will just feel awkward and avoid coming.

Is there a reason he couldn't just have a party/day out?

5

...and they sit around making polite conversation?
What age is this for?

How have you actually worded this invite?

How old is DS? Who are you expecting will come? If he's little and it's just family or close family friends, it seems like a good plan to see everyone and let people who might want to wish him happy birthday and people who would send him a present even if they weren't seeing you, drop one off. It will mean he doesn't get overwhelmed by a crowded house and being the centre of attention too. Any other little children who do come will just play with DS's toys while they are there.

If he's school age and you are expecting school friends to drop in, you are being really rude. They won't want to drop in on a birthday without a present, but you aren't really bothering to feed them or do anything for them. Either stop being lazy and tight and organise and pay for a proper party, or don't expect them to bother to come for his birthday.

I can see I’ve done something wrong here but I’m not sure why talking to friends is so awkward?

Just seen the age....5.
Seriously the kids will expect games and at least some crisps and sausage rolls.

Surely your 5yo would rather have a party than a load of random people sitting around eating cake?

What if nobody turns up?

A drop in
with a 5 year old?

Surely it’s his birthday and you’ll be out and about doing something for him? Not hanging around on off chance someone swings by for some cake.

as if your ds would be happy with that.