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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do this instead of a party

235 replies

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:18

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:26

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:24

Why does that matter? I don’t mean that rudely, I really don’t; just not sure why the actual date matters.

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I didn 't ask for the date. Your Op says his birthday is on a Saturday, you didn't want to do a party so had decided on the casual cake invite.

Now you're saying he's "doing something different on his actual birthday". This doesn't make any sense.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:27

But why is it important? Anyway it does not matter.

OP posts:
snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 16:27

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:21

Yes …?

He’s doing something different for the actual birthday; it’s literally just a ‘if you’re passing’ thing, no big deal at all.

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Well, your 5yo is clearly very advanced as I don't know a single small child who wouldn't be really upset if nobody showed up to celebrate their birthday and eat cake with them.

I have to admit this is starting to read like AI.

SingingOcean · 07/12/2025 16:27

It's basically a drop in play date with cake - sounds lovely!

But it's not even a play date because OP has no clue who is coming, when they're coming or how long they will stay if they do come.

OP, do you have some close family friends or relatives who are definites?

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:27

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:28

This is for friends

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I definitely wouldn’t bother with a “drop in” - that’s not very fun for the kids who may turn up and be the only one there for a 15min stop off. We have things to do.

Sorry, seems like a bad idea to me. Why not have a 2hr play date with his closest friends with party bags and pizza?

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:28

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:27

But why is it important? Anyway it does not matter.

Because - to be brutally frank - you're making no sense now.

And I suspect you've realised your idea is nuts (because the poor kid was getting a non-event) and are now claiming there's some other thing happening.

SpryLilacSnake · 07/12/2025 16:28

Why would no one turn up? You can bet if someone is willing to have my child over to play while I chat and drink coffee, I'm there! And we can turn up and leave whenever we feel like it? Even better.

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:28

So he is having a separate party? What is this drop in thing then? And why did you send invitations to it if it’s not his birthday party?

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:29

@snoopythebeagle that’s because you think I’ve told DS excitedly all his friends were coming round for cake; I haven’t. He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day. But on the actual day I’ve said ‘if you’re passing have some cake’ and everyone is going to be crying apparently? Oh and I’m a robot, ND (ofc I am) and my MIL is a definitely a narcissist.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 07/12/2025 16:29

I'd be confused if I got an invitation with no time. Invites are for parties not a drop in.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:29

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 16:27

Well, your 5yo is clearly very advanced as I don't know a single small child who wouldn't be really upset if nobody showed up to celebrate their birthday and eat cake with them.

I have to admit this is starting to read like AI.

Show quote history

The most recent updates suggest it's a pile of nonsense, certainly.

OhDear111 · 07/12/2025 16:30

@putthefireonplease I assume gifts are for dc because it’s his birthday. The party is irrelevant really but do they want cake? Seems slightly odd just to offer cake. Is it for your friends? Or DS’s friends? This matters. Would his friends bother just for cake? Not sure.

Luxio · 07/12/2025 16:30

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:27

But why is it important? Anyway it does not matter.

What an odd response to a perfectly sensible question. It matters because if he's having a separate party and the drop in isn't actually on his birthday then why do it at all....

SpryLilacSnake · 07/12/2025 16:30

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:27

I definitely wouldn’t bother with a “drop in” - that’s not very fun for the kids who may turn up and be the only one there for a 15min stop off. We have things to do.

Sorry, seems like a bad idea to me. Why not have a 2hr play date with his closest friends with party bags and pizza?

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The birthday boy will be there though? And it doesn't sound like you can only stay for 15 minutes, sounds like you stay as long as you like. Obviously if you have other things to do then you can't go but that would apply to a 2 hour party as well.

RaininSummer · 07/12/2025 16:30

Fine for family but for his little mates it seems odd and potentially very dull for him and them.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:30

Maybe I am ND as I am genuinely, without any sort of willing obnoxiousness, bewildered as to why saying to friends ‘if you’re passing , have some cake, there’s loads’ is a load of nonsense.

OP posts:
SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:30

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:43

I don’t; no pressure, if people want a slice of cake and happen to be passing great; if not, no worries Smile

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I’m not convinced that’s how a 5 yr old would perceive it if no one turns up (likely).

And saying “no present necessary” will make people feel even more awkward as they’ll still feel tight turning up without a gift even though there’s no party.

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:31

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:29

@snoopythebeagle that’s because you think I’ve told DS excitedly all his friends were coming round for cake; I haven’t. He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day. But on the actual day I’ve said ‘if you’re passing have some cake’ and everyone is going to be crying apparently? Oh and I’m a robot, ND (ofc I am) and my MIL is a definitely a narcissist.

Hang on, your title and Op said you weren’t having party this year.

Oops. First rule of bollocks threads is be consistent!

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:31

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:30

I’m not convinced that’s how a 5 yr old would perceive it if no one turns up (likely).

And saying “no present necessary” will make people feel even more awkward as they’ll still feel tight turning up without a gift even though there’s no party.

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Yes that’s why I didn’t mention it initially. Maybe a bit stupid but I wanted to acknowledge the actual birthday!

OP posts:
Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:32

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:31

Hang on, your title and Op said you weren’t having party this year.

Oops. First rule of bollocks threads is be consistent!

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We’re not having a party?

OP posts:
Luxio · 07/12/2025 16:32

He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day

So he is having a party and this is a separate random day not on his birthday to come and eat cake for 15 minutes... Your story has a lot holes.

SingingOcean · 07/12/2025 16:33

Maybe a bit stupid but I wanted to acknowledge the actual birthday!

How? By sitting in all day with some cake waiting for people to knock on the door?

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:33

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:32

We’re not having a party?

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You said about five posts ago he was having a celebration with his friends on a different day. That’s the very definition of a party. Unless you’ve asked his teacher to get his class to sing Happy Birthday?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/12/2025 16:33

Have you really sent out invitations to pop round for a slice of cake ?
How weird.
and mean.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 16:34

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:29

@snoopythebeagle that’s because you think I’ve told DS excitedly all his friends were coming round for cake; I haven’t. He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day. But on the actual day I’ve said ‘if you’re passing have some cake’ and everyone is going to be crying apparently? Oh and I’m a robot, ND (ofc I am) and my MIL is a definitely a narcissist.

You appear to have forgotten what you wrote in your OP

Maybe you need a reboot 😉