To do this instead of a party

[putthefireonplease]

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

If its just a playdate type thing then it should have been a message, not an invitation.

The invite makes it seem like a party.

This really made me laugh 🤣

This is really weird.

Your poor son, his birthday is going to be so disappointing.

nothing special being done for it. Why don't you want to have a party, just a couple of kids around, it doesn't have to be a whole class thing.

they're only this young & easily pleased for such a short time.

You said this was for your 5 year old and said "friends".
So I assumed you meant the 5 year olds friends 🤷

Would have been ok to say this to family but not friends.

5 year olds do need to have social drop ins to see their friend for their birthday and yes the parents will feel obliged to buy something and it’s just plain awkward, I’m sure you’re not close friends with all the parents of the kids your son plays with and the last thing they want to do is go and sit round some random house for a happy birthday drop in.

Out of interest why are you doing this instead of having a few of his friends round for a few party games and cake?

Edited to say - I ask because I think if we knew the rationale it might make more sense!

Team husband here He is 5 why not do a party. It may not be your intention but you look tight. It is not a good look. How will your son feel if no one turns up.
I honestly don't understand your mindset, you will look foolish. I feel sorry fir your son.

Honestly, this sounds a bit bonkers to me!

Presumably the friends are kid friends with a parent? Or just your adult friends?

If you’ve got a 5yr old who knows it’s his birthday, how will you ignore him and sit chatting with your friends eating cake? Kids that age don’t entertain themselves without some supervision.

Also, at what point will you let your child blow out the candles and sing Happy Birthday or will you re-light the candles and sing every time someone new arrives?

Surely it’s easier to host a 2 hr birthday party with a couple of organised games, candles, “Happy Birthday” and a slice of cake afterwards?

But it's your SONS birthday, not yours!

you seem very focused on the gift side, but as a parent I’d be so confused about whether this is a massive waste of my time, if it’s just a casual drop in? People are busy and make plans for weekends, I may do it if I was mooching around and it was a neighbour however if I had other stuff on, I wouldn’t prioritise a ‘drop in’ as if it were a party.

What is it? That's the thing. Generally kids of school age either have parties or they don't have something with their school friends. Drop-ins for drinks is not really something 5 year olds have! I don't think friend's parents will think "we or little child has been invited to drop in and play for X's birthday" because "drop-in and play" is a play date that you organise one-on-one with friends.

It will be "a party" because that's what children have that are young an celebrate their birthdays with multiple friends. So for a party you bring a present. Also for adult birthday drops ins, you often bring food or drink (sometimes alcohol) as your present. If you aren't feeding the kids, then you aren't asking them to do that they won't have done that instead of a present.

As others have said, I don't think many people like from school and things, will want to organise their weekends around their 5 year old "dropping in" at a friend's house for an unknown amount of time. A party with a specific start and finish time they can work round. I think either organise a proper party, or only involve family.

Because it sounds Ike an invite to something. Then when they turn up there's nothing.

5 year olds expect something. Can you have some games at least for them to play?

I think you’d have been better having a low key play date with some cake rather than the slightly weird drop in situation. I don’t think anyone would begrudge you a lower key birthday but I think you’ve been a bit vague with your invitation and there is a good chance your 5 year old will be a bit disappointed if no-one comes.

Yep, exactly that!!

@putthefireonplease Not having a party for a child is normal. I also don't see how anyone would feel obligated to bring a gift if it's just a drop in, as generally it would just be a child's parents giving them a present anyway.

I think in your shoes I would set out a few activities which people can do when they drop in, eg make a Christmas decoration, decorate a biscuit? That sort of thing. Add a bit of structure. At the moment it sounds like the sort of get-together people have for babies where the focus is on the adults chatting not the babies.

I do think there’s a risk that some people won’t come because they’re not quite sure what’s expected so you might want to send a WhatsApp explaining.

What does your son think about it?

Children expect fun OP.
Not one or two turning up eating some cake and parents chatting. Numbers matter to get it all going.
Which means times. Dates. Activities to keep them having fun. Then of course plenty of nibbles, juice and yes, some cake.

Honestly, I would prefer it. I find parties awkward. All that compulsory hilarity. I like the idea of having an old-fashioned "at home", where people can drop by for ten minutes or an hour, as they like, have some delicious food and drink, and leave a present.

But you're not a 5yo kid.

We did a drop in for my elderly Mum's birthday . Figured it was very near Xmas and people might have plans so this meant they could just pop in and pay their respects on the way/way back. We made it clear they could just pop in and raise a toast to Mum with no pressure.

Everyone invited came, arriving at the beginning of the time window we'd set and stayed well after the nominal end. Thankfully we had generous amounts of food, cake and drinks to supply and the neighbours who came popped home and got extra chairs.

Be warned, OP.

I think this all just sounds as if you think your son is a prince and the little people can come and be honoured to spend some time with him! It puts me in mind of the Edwardian ladies who would visit other Edwardian ladies for afternoon tea!
I don't think many parents would be too impressed with an invitation to this, to be honest.

Is this a 'birthday just before Christmas, so can't be arsed to make an effort' thing?

The poor kid. And the bemused friends - because they will be bemused by the non-party 'event'.

I don't understand why, if you didn't want to do a party, you don't take him out somewhere nice for the day/afternoon.

How many of his friends have you invited to drop by? You could convert it to a play date, but I think you do at least need to provide party food and balloons. And I cant imagine they wont bring a gift. So I think you'll also need music, maybe a couple of games? Pass the parcel is easy. What exactly does your son make of this, since it's his day?!