To do this instead of a party

[putthefireonplease]

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

No?
The children won’t all arrive at the same time, so nothing like a play date. Or any I’ve ever organised, certainly.

I agree. It's like saying 'ND equals stingy and unreasonable' when it doesn't. Sometimes it equals detail focused and precise, and sometimes other things.
I'm ND and throw fabulous parties for my girls as Im super focused and plan for every eventuality, every need, every weather. I'm very conscious that due to me being ND I might get it wrong so I overcompensate and go 'extra'.

This is fine for a baby or fine for an older person but kind of weird for a 5 year old.

5 year olds have expectations about birthdays, and principal among them are a present and a party bag.

I think I would just turn it in to an actual little house party. Make some jam and ham sandwiches buy some crisps, party rings and some fruits shoots. Blow up some balloons and kids can play, maybe some musical.staties and then sit down for a birthday tea followed by cake. Some wine beer and mince pies for the grown ups. Not too much work and everyone will ne happies.

But it is basically a play date? The arrivals are staggered but there’s likely to either be overlap or just several one on one play dates during the day, assuming people come.

Child A arrives at 10am, DD1 and Child A play, Child B arrives at 10.30, all three play for a while, Child A leaves, B remains for a while, Child C arrives just as they are leaving. And so on. My DD would find that all quite exciting!

Eh? You did what now? You’ve invited a load of random parents and children over for not-a-birthday-party? Don’t people have anything better to do? I’d clarify if it was a party, when you said no, I’d let you know we weren’t around. What will the children do at this happy unbirthday? I’d cancel in your position, it’s making me cringe just thinking about it.

I am guessing that with your DS turning 5, you haven't had much experience yet of kids parties. This is definitely not normal and really isn't the done thing. You're adamant that you're not holding a party but all the advice here is to prepare for one.

Otherwise it's likely that either people will just not turn up, or if people do then it will be awkward all round. Get some snacks in, blow up some balloons and prepare a few party games to go along with the birthday cake.

I'm not sure why you'd give formal invitations out for people to come round for a slice of cake?

I know! I love these ones where someone comes on to say AIBU. Most people say yes and explain clearly why. OP says 'no I'm not' and I'm not going to do anything different no matter what you say'. So why waste all our time giving you all our opinions when your mind is made up?

I'm guessing she wanted to be able to show thread to DH to say 'see, all these people agree with me'. But unfortunately they don't!

Sounds lovely to me as a drop in guest. I'll stop by, have one drink and offer birthday greetings and then I will get on with my day.

You started saying you were inviting his friends, if they were passing ,for cake. With an actual invite.

Then you say he's doing something another day with his friends for his actual birthday.

How many times is he doing something with his friends.

What's the purpose of the Saturday cake if it's not his actual birthday? When will grandparents see if?

It's all very confusing.

I haven’t read the whole thread but if your five your old has had previous parties and the pop in for cake is for his birthday will he be kind of hoping for presents? As generally small children do. He could be disappointed. It seems a bit of a lame non party but kind of. I understand you have your reasons but it’s about your child I’d have gone actual party or not at all.

This is what all of my birthdays were like as a child.. various family members coming round through the day.

I kind of thought that was normal? Why would you need to send invites out for this?

If you send out invitations for this, people will expect more than conversation and a slice of cake.
Your child will expect presents. It's really not a good idea.

So is he doing something with these same friends for his birthday on another day and this is just a little extra to have a slice of cake today?

That's absolutely fine if that is the case. If it is though then you explained it really badly.

If it's not that then it's just odd and you need to listen to your DH - unless it's normal for these people to pop round for a cuppa and play at other times too.

It’s a bit awkward OP. If I received your ‘invite’ id feel one of two ways

1. either I’d understand the premise of the invite, and think your a bit of a CF, wanting birthday presents and fuss without the cost of hosting a party - and decline. Or;
2. I’d not understand it, turn up and have a disappointed 5 year old expected to make conversation 😂

Unbelievably cheeky and tight. Just have a proper party for the poor little guy

Quite.

He’s not having a party but he’s celebrating with his mates on a different day even though his birthday is on a Saturday, a perfect day for a party and having his olde worlde drop in on that Saturday that isn’t his actual birthday and his non-party celebration with his mates on a day that isn’t his birthday or a Saturday.

So you are doing two things for his fifth birthday but neither of them are a party. Which must be more of a hoo haa than a birthday party.

It’s a strange thing to do. Fine if it’s family or close family friends but otherwise it does make you look cheeky. No-one is going to turn up at a 5 yo’s house on their birthday without a present, regardless of whether or not uou send a note saying no presents. Why didn’t you just do a 2 hour party at home ?? Few party games/free play/birthday cake with some snack type food and a small party bag ?

My children are older but my experience is that a child either has a party or not. I have never received or sent invitations asking someone to pop in for a cake within a set time frame. It’s a grabby concept because as I already said above, no-one is going to turn up without a gift.

This ⬆️.

If it's not a party, and just a "come round for a bit for a slice of cake but if you don't it's no biggie" I'm confused as to why you've sent out invitations for that? As others have said, you're potentially sitting around all day waiting for a knock on the door or not and/or nobody turning up.
Have you sent out these non invitations to your friends or mums of your kids friends?
As I don't think many of your child's friends will turn up as I can't see many people wanting to sit around and make small talk with someone they don't really know and potentially be the only person there.
Or maybe that's just me 😁

It's not just you.

Definitely not just you…

We do this at Christmas but I absolutely wouldn’t do it for a 5yo’s birthday.