To do this instead of a party

[putthefireonplease]

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

Yes, am planning on just clarifying things!

I don’t think this poster is the one who is being obtuse..

If it involves you sending invites out.....then many people (especially 5 year olds) WILL think it's a party.
Sorry.

No one is going to turn up to say 'happy birthday' and eat a bit of cake without bringing a gift. It's all odd - so people pop in and out, stay for 10/15 minutes, eat cake and then go? There are going to be a lot of raised eyebows/sniggers.

I assume you're just taking the piss now 🙄

I think I’ve been polite but apologies if I haven’t been at any point. The obtuse bit was misunderstanding who was going to be sitting and chatting.

And you accused a PP of being deliberately obtuse 🤣

Child hears birthday and cake and will think party

i mean low key party, no entertainers , but party all the same

I’m not, I promise. I literally said ‘if anyone is passing and would like to pop in for a slice of birthday cake between X and Y time on Z date feel free.’ Why would someone cry about that!?

But you kind of are. You are inviting people round to eat birthday cake on your child's birthday. Call it a birthday party, call it a birthday celebration or a birthday drop in. Anything that invites guests, has a child involved and is on a birthday will be viewed as a type of birthday party, whatever you actually call it.
I'm just trying to imagine explain this to my DD5
Me: we are going round to Josh's for his birthday
DD5 : for his birthday party?
Me: for his birthday but not a party
DD: so it's not his birthday?
Me: yes it is his birthday
DD: will there be cake
Me: yes there will be
DD: so it's his birthday party
Me: face in hands trying and failing to explain

Even if you said plainly and clearly that there were to be absolutely no presents it’s still strange.

Going calling is what they did in the days of yore. I could understand it if he was in an iron lung but just having him wait around all day to see if anyone comes to call on him is a strange way for a five year old to spend a day.

It’s not akin to saying to your own family ’just pop over on Saturday afternoon for Alan’s birthday’.

You have been polite. I’m just not sure you’re understanding what people are saying.

I think the problem is, you’re kind of violating a social contract. Usually this is how it goes: you invite people round to celebrate your kid’s birthday. They make the effort to come and they bring a present (of course they will- it’s his actual birthday, he’s only 5, and they’re showing up at your house). Your side of the contract is to organise some kind of food and entertainment so people have a good time. Here, you’re proposing not to hold up your side of the unspoken contract. So your DH, and lots of people on this thread, feel weird about that.

Are you ND?

it's the only explanation I can think of why you don't understand the social problem here. If you're not going to do a party, then don't. But don't do a non party social drop in for 5 year olds.

Poor DS' yes it's my birthday' but my parents didn't want me to have a party, just cake' no I don't know why either ' 🥹🥹🥹

it's fine not to do a party (though at 5 it's easy & can be cheap) but the. Just celebrate as a family. Dont hang around the house all day waiting for confused friends to show up.

sorry this is like trying to explain why the sky is blue.

It's a bit strange I wouldn't bother going. If it's for his friends why not do a playdate instead?

You're the one being obtuse now.

You know every well that 'being invites round for cake' isn't a thing any five year old is going to recognise. They're going to be told they're going to Sam's birthday and be confused and disappointed when they get there and find there having some cake and a chat! Not to mention your own son's experience of the day!

If you want to see your friends while your children play together, do that. But don't pretend it's for his birthday!

Okay, and if nobody shows up, your DS will be totally fine with that, will he?

He's not a baby, he knows what a birthday is and that it means games, cake and a party. If you don't want to do that (or can't afford it), that's fine, but then don't do this bizarre half party, half- adult orientated chat. It's not fair on your kid.

You should of arranged it as a playdate or threw a party, i wouldnt bother bringing my kids for cake and nothing else for a school friend. Feels a bit awkward!

I think you need to plan something for the kids to do! Party games or something. Or at least something exciting to play with.
, an activity of some kind.

Friends are going to want to play together but at five they’ll need some prompting/ activity. I don’t think eating a piece of cake is going to be enough.

Takes no effort whatsoever and costs about £20 to put out some sausage rolls, fairy cakes, crisps, hotdogs and blow up some balloons.
I can’t see why you wouldn’t make some effort.

Nah that’s too vague for me sorry, I probably wouldn’t come.
Close family yes, but friends no

You're inviting people round for your son's birthday so youre still having a party, its just a bit of a lazy halfarsed one if youre not providing food or activities for the kids

Your intentions are good, just possibly pitched to the wrong age bracket.

Look OP this is the sort of thing I would do when my DC bday fell on a school day and I would say to their grandparents and my sister and her DC, who all live close by "please pop round for birthday cake after school".
The adults would drink tea and eat cake, we would feed the DC and their little cousins a bit of dinner and everyone would go home.

I wouldn't be doing this on a Saturday afternoon and inviting my DC friends to just pop in if they're passing. Sounds a bit sad for your DS.

This made me laugh far too hard! 🤣