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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you forgive this?

181 replies

charlotte82 · 07/12/2025 11:57

Hello, I desperately need other people’s perspectives as my mental health has taken a battering and I’m struggling to know what to do.
Been with husband 18 years and we have two children together.
He has been sacked from his job due to sexual harassment. We’ve never had issues with anything before, or him with work.
Hes been saying sexual words at work, saying that colleagues are attractive and fit and in good shape. Comments on customers bodies, saying her boobs are massive, she’s really fit and attractive. This one girl at work has raised this all about him but there are witnesses to the comments. Apparently he’s quite touchy feely with her, only stuff like hand on shoulder when talking, brushing her hair away to look at her earring etc. But she obviously feels so uncomfortable to have brought it to this point.
He hasn’t cheated and I don’t believe he has or would! Although on the flip side I would never in a million years have thought that he’d say these things at work either.
This is a massive trigger for me, cheating and trust issues. It’s plagued me for my whole life and I did have therapy when younger due to boyfriends cheating on me etc.
How am I ever going to be able to move past this without constantly thinking now that he’s looking at other people or I’m not good enough, slim enough etc.
Please, please tell me what you’d do in my situation. My head is scrambled and I don’t know what is the right thing to do for our children and my own well-being.

OP posts:
Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 11:58

Your dc need you as an example of not being associated with a sex pest. File for divorce and don't look back..

TheMorgenmuffel · 07/12/2025 12:00

He's not cheated, he's done something even worse! He's a sexual predator. That is, should be, unforgiveable.
He's a piece of shit and I'm so sorry.

ThejoyofNC · 07/12/2025 12:02

He's a pervert. Do you want your children being raised by someone like that?

Sortalike · 07/12/2025 12:02

He hasn't been sacked because of a few comments, he's not telling you the truth there's more to this which he's hiding.

InterestedDad37 · 07/12/2025 12:03

Yep, get rid, don't look back. He's messed up hugely, and has to now deal with the significant personal and professional consequences.
There are consequences for you too obviously, and your children, but imho you will all do better if you don't have to try and live with a creep, or make tortuous mental adjustments in order to convince yourselves that he's not a wrong'un. He is, and you're all better off without him.
Wishing you happiness for the future.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/12/2025 12:04

At the very least, he sounds creepy

Check his Internet search history, I bet hes on the chatrooms

Ltb girl, sorry xx

Motnight · 07/12/2025 12:05

He's a sexual predator and you're worried that you're not good enough for him? Op - that isn't a normal response.

Egglio · 07/12/2025 12:05

Is this completely new behaviour for him? Seems really disinhibited and could be health related. Or has he always been a bit of a sleaze? You'll know the answer deep down OP.

sprigatito · 07/12/2025 12:05

No, I wouldn’t. I’d be so revolted I would struggle to look at him. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, and sorry for the poor woman at work who has been driven to make the complaint. As usual it’s women and children who suffer for a man’s misogyny and sexual incontinence.

DancingNotDrowning · 07/12/2025 12:08

This is so much worse than cheating Confused

He’s sexually harassed women - I’d be distancing myself from him very quickly.

Izzywizzy85 · 07/12/2025 12:08

I could never forgive this. Also you’re taking it as a personal slight-he hasn’t just done this to you, he’s sexually harassed lots of women! I would never be with someone like this. I’d be disgusted and never look at him the same. I’m sorry OP.

dragonballet · 07/12/2025 12:09

Take the time to make the decisions that are right for you and get professional advice where you need it. Don't make rash decisions while you're in shock - and definitely don't make rash decisions because of anything online strangers may say.

Do you have support in real life?

Probablyshouldntsay · 07/12/2025 12:11

He would have cheated if this poor woman had returned his advances. Surely that is crystal clear.
Im so sorry OP, I think it’s highly likely that you don’t know him as well as you think you do

Fiftyandme · 07/12/2025 12:13

Compketely unforgivable. He is a predator

TheGrimSmile · 07/12/2025 12:14

Urgh, this is not insignificant. This is who he is. It would disgust me and I'd have to leave.

hockeysticks89 · 07/12/2025 12:15

I’m sorry to say that you probably only know a small amount of what he’s really like

ChavsAreReal · 07/12/2025 12:17

What is his response to all this?

Rizzz · 07/12/2025 12:18

How on earth have you managed to turn this into all about you and whether you cant 'trust' him and whether he might cheat on you???

He's a sex pest whose made a young woman feel so uncomfortable she's been forced to take the huge, brave step of reporting him.

Do you really want to live with a letch like that even if you could guarantee he'd never cheat on you??

Jesus, raise you standards!

SnappyOchre · 07/12/2025 12:18

hockeysticks89 · 07/12/2025 12:15

I’m sorry to say that you probably only know a small amount of what he’s really like

I agree. You’re probably hearing a heavily sanitised version of what has gone on.

sprigatito · 07/12/2025 12:19

Rizzz · 07/12/2025 12:18

How on earth have you managed to turn this into all about you and whether you cant 'trust' him and whether he might cheat on you???

He's a sex pest whose made a young woman feel so uncomfortable she's been forced to take the huge, brave step of reporting him.

Do you really want to live with a letch like that even if you could guarantee he'd never cheat on you??

Jesus, raise you standards!

How unnecessarily cruel.

Upthenorth · 07/12/2025 12:20

I couldn’t move past it.

Dismissal isn’t a decision taken lightly, have you seen the outcome letter from him losing his role? I would be asking to see that and the casefile to get the real information.

His attitude towards women is pretty vile. It sounds like he reduces people to their anatomy with his comments. Vile.

I am so sorry you are going through this OP, what an awful thing and way to find out. Sending strength. 💐

TheatricalLife · 07/12/2025 12:23

I couldn't stay with him. He's a pervert and there is no doubt in my mind if that lady had given him the opportunity he would have cheated immediately without a second thought. The predator behaviour is actually far worse than any cheating would be.
Sorry OP, it's a shit situation. I wish you all the luck.

BauhausOfEliott · 07/12/2025 12:23

He’s a horrible creepy pest, OP.

I can’t believe your biggest worry here is whether he’s going to cheat or whether you’re attractive enough, rather than the fact that he repeatedly sexually harasses women.

No, I wouldn’t forgive any of this. He’s gross.

Rizzz · 07/12/2025 12:23

sprigatito · 07/12/2025 12:19

How unnecessarily cruel.

How in God's name is that cruel?

This man has pestered a young woman sexually to this point and no doubt made her working life an utter misery.

It shouldn't matter to the OP whether he cheats on her or not.

If he doesn't, she's still married to a nasty sex pest.

Itiswhysofew · 07/12/2025 12:24

Imagine how his poor colleague feels, being touched and harrassed by him. Being brazen enough to behave so openly like that at work is appalling. Does he think that making women feel threatened and uncomfortable is acceptable? I've been on the recieving end of this disgusting and entitled behaviour, and I can tell you, it's been one of worst things I've experienced, dreading going to work, knowing what you'll have to tolerate.

Tell him to leave and live his perverted life elsewhere.

I'm so sorry for your troubleFlowers