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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m so so upset about this!

283 replies

Penny4thoughts1 · 07/12/2025 10:39

I am struggling money wise after a tough few years (or 5 years really) but I was never well off. A few weeks ago I asked my dsis if I could borrow 500quid to sort Christmas and I would pay her back. She said she didn’t have it. I thought fair enough she must have had some crazy expenses as she has two dc etc. but her and he4 do both work v good jobs. Anyway I’ve made do.
cut to this weekend…I’m so upset. She asked me if I would babysit for them for the night. (Paid, as she knows I’m broke) after her dc had gone to bed I had a bath. I was running the bath and found he4 shampoos, brands I have never really seen or used. I googled them. 25quid a bottle!!!
then to top it off I was looking for a match to light a candle as I had tidied the kitchen this morning and in the drawer was a quote for a new car being ordered for January. 500 quid deposit and cash payment due of 25k.
she did have the money she just didn’t want to lend!? Why didn’t she just say? They are due home in an hour and I just want to cry. The live in a brand new house! Furniture is new… everything is perfect and beautiful. I’m just so heartbroken that she couldn’t share 500 with her only sister, they are clearly way more well off than I even thought! Should I say anything! I wasn’t snooping by the way.

OP posts:
Imanautumn · 07/12/2025 10:41

Maybe they’ve over stretched themselves and really don’t have it to spare?

HippeePrincess · 07/12/2025 10:41

No wonder they can’t lend you anything they’re buying a new car so it’s already spent, stop being entitled.

VenusStarr · 07/12/2025 10:41

No, you shouldn't say anything.

What your sister chooses to spend her money on is her business.

CandyCaneKisses · 07/12/2025 10:42

Why should she fund your Christmas? You’ve had months to buy little and often.
She can spend her money and what she likes, she probably said no incase you didn’t pay it back.

pictoosh · 07/12/2025 10:43

They don't owe you a loan and they can spend their money on whatever suits them.
I sympathise with your struggle but policing your sister's toiletries and taking offence at their personal spending is not going to add anything useful to your situation.

BurnTheWholeThingDown · 07/12/2025 10:44

Why do you feel they should go without because you need money?

Would you give your money to someone less well off to you and go without Christmas presents? If not; why not? Try to rationalise this in your head. You are not entitled to their money, and they don’t have to save money by not buying nice things in order to help you out. I’m sure they wouldn’t see you starve but that’s not what’s happening here.

BlueMum16 · 07/12/2025 10:44

How and when your sister spends her money is her business.

She probably doesn't want to loan you money in case it ruins your relationship. She's helping by paying you to babysit. I would babysit for my sister for free and she would for me.

McSpoot · 07/12/2025 10:44

No, you shouldn't say anything. She, correctly, said that she didn't have 500 quid to give you for your Christmas purchases. That didn't mean that they don't have 500 quid at all.

BobblyBobbleHat · 07/12/2025 10:44

Yabu, their finances are their business and you've no idea when they bought those things or where that money is coming from. You asked for a huge amount as a loan, many people couldn't do that on top of Christmas expenses.

HeadyLamarr · 07/12/2025 10:44

Yes, you were snooping - googling the cost of her shampoo, for heaven's sake?

You have no entitlement to your sister's money. She doesn't have to loan you anything. Take responsibility for your own life.

Purdyisnot · 07/12/2025 10:44

You can't say anything as she will think you were snooping, whether you were or not. You also don't know how much debt they are in, one of our ex friends had the picture perfect life, but they were putting it all on credit.
Lending money (or not) to family is the fastest way to cause fallouts, just forget about it if your relationship is good otherwise.

Statsquestion1 · 07/12/2025 10:44

Although it’s not her job to find your Christmas, If it were me I would have lent it.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 07/12/2025 10:45

So you want them to miss out because you don’t have the money?

Wishimaywishimight · 07/12/2025 10:45

Stop snooping!! If you tell her what you've found she won't allow back in the house!!

McSpoot · 07/12/2025 10:46

HeadyLamarr · 07/12/2025 10:44

Yes, you were snooping - googling the cost of her shampoo, for heaven's sake?

You have no entitlement to your sister's money. She doesn't have to loan you anything. Take responsibility for your own life.

Also, this. Sure, maybe you didn't have to snoop to see the shampoo, but it was really weird to then Google the costs. And it was snooping to open and read the invoice.

Rainbowcat77 · 07/12/2025 10:46

I know it’s shit having no money whilst others around you are much better off but I’m really sorry Op you are not being fair to your sister.
Do you really expect her to go without things so that she can finance your Christmas?

Peoplemakemedespair · 07/12/2025 10:46

She’s clearly wise with her money. Saved well and potentially has watched every penny to afford the things that she’s got. All of her money may be accounted for. She’s literally in the process of buying a car, and you want her to hand over £500 so you can waste in on Xmas for things you don’t really need? What if that means she can no longer afford the car that she has put a deposit on? She will lose the deposit

Bonden · 07/12/2025 10:46

oof that’s painful for you. Have you borrowed from her before? Do you generally support each other emotionally etc? Does her DH like you? Does she think youve made some bad choices and so have to suck it up?

CountFucula · 07/12/2025 10:46

Are you for real???

TerminallyScunnered · 07/12/2025 10:47

It's none of your business, you asked, she said no. Just because someone may have money, doesn't mean that they are obligated to lend it to someone else. It does sound like you were snooping. Why would you go and check how much they paid for their shampoo, who does that? Perhaps she said she didn't have it because she didn't want to tell you about her finances or she has reasons for not lending to you specifically and didnt want to cause an argument. £500 is a lot to ask of anyone, even family. We all have to cut our cloth accordingly.

Peoplemakemedespair · 07/12/2025 10:47

Also what on earth are you spending £500 on? I’m fairly well off and have 3 children. Christmas is costing me almost half that

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/12/2025 10:48

YABU

You can’t draw a conclusion about someone’s financial situation based on the brand of shampoo they use.

And its not her job to fund your Christmas.

DollopOfFun · 07/12/2025 10:49

Too try hard.

TheGrimSmile · 07/12/2025 10:49

Yanbu to be upset. I would also expect a sibling to help me out at Christmas ( if they could afford it) and I would do the same.

Isekaied · 07/12/2025 10:49

YABU.

She said she couldn't give you any. And now you're complaining that you found some expensive stuff in their house.

You do sound quite entitled. People don't have to lend you cash just because you asked.

I'm sure if she said she didn't want to lend it to you, maybe you would have complained the same.

She doesn't want to lend you cash- stop asking her.